


Data Processing... ....

by lilredsoupbowl



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: A droid and its human companion, Babies Erso-Andor, Comedy to make a tragedy hurt less, Everyone magically lives, F/M, Fix-It, Future baby fic, Inappropriate Humor, K-2SO and Jyn unlikely bonding, K-2SO is obsessed with Cassian's reproduction and prodigy, K-2SO meeting its future companion(s), Pregnancy, Spanning original trilogy with cameos from all, a boy and his droid, without any understanding how
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 11:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 74,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9546203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilredsoupbowl/pseuds/lilredsoupbowl
Summary: In which 'boundaries' don't exist in K-2SO's programming. It is part of its programming to compile records and health data on the entire team - for their own benefit. And charting Jyn Erso's menstruation really was a safety concern for the rest of them. But when K-2SO started to recognize obvious patterns linking the JYN ERSO CYCLE with their Captain's erratic changes in behavior, K-2SO decides further research is necessary.





	1. JYN ERSO CYCLE

The mission was almost too simple, Jyn thought. Cassian, Baze, and Chirrut got to frisk the small mountainous planet for information about an Imperial weapon shipment. And, having announced ‘ _not it_ ’ too late, Jyn was stuck doing a maintenance sweep of the ship—just in the odd chance they needed to get off the planet in the blink of an eye. Bodhi was below deck, wrapped in wires and covered with oil, but he was happy: busy and content. Doing something he did well.

“—Just a cut here and I can get us - jumping into hyperspace… like that,” he called up to the cockpit.

“The Captain did not authorize any changes made to the craft's infrastructure,” argued K-2SO next to her.

Perched in Cassian’s chair, Jyn idly drummed her fingers across the dashboard. The other members of Rogue One were clearly in their elements, while she strived to look occupied. When her palms met the smooth surface of someone’s datapad, Jyn leaned back in the chair; curling legs under herself as she unlocked the screen and started reading the files with mild-interest— ignoring K-2SO attempts to include her in the argument over whether Cassian Andor should always have the final say or not.

There were tabs of data about this planet, Wolveg, downloaded. Geographic overviews. A description of any large landmass— current weather patterns. Scrolling through only made Jyn more restless; wondering what the other members of her team were getting into out there…

She swiped backward; almost nodding off as she read the titles of reports—until one gained all her focus: JYN ERSO CYCLE.

Wh- what the— Jyn quickly selected the file. Skimming through charts and graphs, Jyn winced aloud when she read the latest log,

“16.20.12 hours – ERSO MENSTRUATION LATE AGAIN. HAVE CONCLUDED THOROUGH SEARCH OF BOTH HER AND THE CAPTAIN’S CABINS. TESTS SHOW NEGATIVE SECRETION ON SHEETS. DETERMINED CAUSE LIKELY STRESS AND MALNUTRITION…”

“WHAT IS THIS?” Jyn darkly hissed at the droid.

Mechanical eyes turned to her, and a bored voice replied, “A datapad.”

Jyn clutched the pad, sure she could break the thing in half, “Why are you studying my… my ‘menstruation’?” Jyn scrolled back up to view the newest chart, “You’ve collected data about how I shoot off my blaster 45% more often during my second day—“

“It is my responsibility,” answered the droid.

“Except it’s not,” Jyn countered. She grimaced when she realized the data went back almost two years—starting shortly after Scarif. The worst part was K-2SO’s data was incredibly detailed and accurate. “… It’s so not,” Jyn repeated herself.

“I’ve compiled medical data on the entire crew. Being the only female member, it does differ in some areas—“

“Why is Cassian mentioned so often?” interrupted Jyn. Their Captain’s behavior, and random ‘cabin checks’, seemed to be featured throughout _HER_  medical logs.

“The Captain is a factor in my studies, yes—”

Jyn urged for a satisfactory answer that the rational part of her brain knew wasn't likely to come from this droid, “Your ‘ _studies_ ’ of my overall health?”

“I noticed the phenomenon a year ago," K-2SO dramatically begun. "Certain mannerisms occurred when you were ovulating versus—“

“Ovulating?” Jyn rasped; doubting she should have opened the floodgates to allow this conversation in the first place. 

The droid released a long sigh, folding his arms loudly across his chest, “Must I really explain female-human health to you? Is your education lacking there as well? Ovulation occurs when a spike in your hormone levels releases a matured egg ready for fertilization—“

Jyn shuddered, “Please never say fertilization to me again.”

“Would you prefer insemination instead?”

“Absolutely not!” Jyn's eyes darted to the doorway already formulating an escape plan. 

Bodhi peeked out of the floor, wiping oil from his goggles and asked, “So what are we talking about?”

K2-SO turned and announced, “I’m teaching Jyn Erso about the intricacies of human reproduction.”

“And I… just remembered something else to be doing down here. Right now,” Bodhi blushed and disappeared below deck. Jyn contemplated following him. 

But instead Jyn stood her ground; fighting to keep redness from her face when she stammered, “You were not ‘teaching’ me— I’m fully aware... since I have those parts, and I’ve had experience with a number of—“

K-2SO surmised, “Not in a LONG time, if my data is correct? Correct?”

Jyn remained silent; wondering if shooting the droid through the head was playing into this (false) idea of her being trigger happy and irrational.

“So I can infer a year?" The droid pestered. "...Year and a half ago?”

“You can ‘infer’ nothing because this isn’t going to continue—“ 

“That fits my timeline,” the droid sounded too pleased with itself. “It might have started earlier, but I only have the data to confirm that, on your first night of ovulation after cycle, we landed on a small outpost. There your fertility captured the attentions of at least five males interested in insemination—“

Jyn cringed at the word, admitting, “I don’t remember any of that.”

“You wouldn’t,” the droid stated. “Cassian managed to deflect all attempts. The first two I excused as some sort of protectiveness from the Captain. Something he would do for any crew member. However, his heart rate was elevated. Eyes dilated. Groin pointing straight at you— even when conversing with others. Bodhi Rook noted that Cassian, I quote, ‘ _herded_ ’ you from the room; depositing you alone in your quarters.”

Mouth dry and head throbbing, Jyn set the datapad down, moving towards the back of the ship, “I think I’ll check our supplies—“

“OH!”

She whirled around, hands on hips as the droid picked up the datapad and started typing away.

Jyn prompted, “Do I even want to know?”

“Flushed cheeks. Symmetrical hips—even your chest appears to be in proportion for once: you weren’t as LATE as I’d assumed. And we’ll be landing at the new base in two days. Oh, this will be illuminating! I’m going to gather so much intel at Echo Base.”

Jyn cleared her throat, “I don’t suppose there’s anything I can tell you, or threaten you with, to make this research project disappear?”

“None,” the droid agreed. “I might never have an opportunity to study these matters firsthand again.”

“Better make sure Cassian doesn’t get wind of this side-project,” Jyn warned; leaving the cockpit for good.

“Of course not,” K-2SO agreed. But then muttered unhappily when she was gone, “The Captain stopped reading those reports _months_ ago.”

Still, when the rest of the crew was asleep that night, with their ship spanning the galaxy on the way to Hoth, K-2SO experimented making small-talk with his superior officer. Pressing the topic of the Captain’s unconscious—for it had to be, as far as Kay was concerned—desire to inseminate Jyn Erso once again.

Mimicking the breezy tone the male Rebels used to ‘ _joke around_ ’ with one another, K-2SO announced, “Jyn Erso’s hips looked especially well-formed this evening. A strong indication of child-bearing capabilities—”

K-2SO hadn’t even begun its remarks about the regularity of Jyn Erso’s breast-size: not as ideal for nourishing offspring (not like some of the female Rebels Kay had directed Cassian’s attention to in the past year), but if the Captain did not mind—

Cassian Ander spit his caf out onto the control panel; hunched over coughing thickly. The droid pat the Captain on the back lightly, processing to find just what was said in error. Evidently, K-2SO still had a lot of data to gather about both subjects.


	2. Study: Failed Bantha Bull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Timeline for this chapter is meant to be prior to first. Not sure I made that obvious.

K-2SO ran the program again in memory bank; some outdated learning program from eons ago. The fact it had obviously been made for educating adolescent human-males did not bode in its favor. A caricature of a DNA strand leaped again, reminding the audience that there was nothing to be afraid of: the rush of blood that caused human-male genitals to enlarge was perfectly normal. As were nocturnal emissions.

Neither events K-2SO had current proof of where the Captain was concerned.

“—Cause remember,” the jolly DNA danced about. “It’s all about keeping me – your genetics – preserved for the next generation!”

Pausing the program, K-2SO acknowledged a possible scenario to explain the recent changes in the Captain’s behavior: Cassian needed to secure his genetic makeup for the future.

The Captain was rational; a human always aware of his own mortality. His profession and experiences suggested a short life-span highly probable. Almost a guarantee if Cassian continued to march after Jyn Erso in all her hysteria! But Cassian had survived the supposed suicide mission that was Scarif. Perhaps that experience awakened a self-preserving function in the human species? K-2SO could not deny this could be beneficial for its own manner of existence. Where Cassian was organic matter and would deteriorate rapidly, if properly maintenanced K-2SO could last durably. But to achieve this, K-2SO needed to ensure generations of human companions with only the strongest of capabilities…

It only made sense that all future human companions would spawn from the loins of K-2SO’s reprogramer. Besides, Cassian had a number of very desirable traits that K-2SO would prefer seeing in future human specimens.

K-2SO exited the program and accessed much more informative data: bantha mating rituals. The bantha bull recognizes key weaknesses in his DNA structure and searches for a mate to combat those weaknesses reappearing in their offspring. The bull struts about, circling the chosen mate in attempts of gaining acceptance. When more virile bulls approach, the first paws at the ground; grunting disapproval before attempting to chase said bulls away. It is a long drawn-out dance, observes K-2SO. And, if the initial bull loses to the new challenger, he must abandon post and search elsewhere. K-2SO might have pitied the Captain, if programed for such. But Cassian must do this. For both their overall benefits.

Hacking into encrypted Alliance files, K-2SO downloaded all female personnel records— starting with all female mechanical technicians with the intent that any offspring from this union would serve to update the droid with any new savvy programing the future might invent. It was vital that K-2SO stayed modern and well-kept.

That morning they landed on a virtually uncharted planet for the largest summit the Rebel Alliance had held since Yavin 4 was abandoned. Top Secret. Only the most important members invited into the conclave to hear the report firsthand— and K-2SO repeated this fact to Jyn Erso as the crew exited the ship; already told by Cassian to separate and explore individually while they awaited further orders.

“Make small-talk if you have to,” the Captain had offered; pointedly ignoring K-2SO's declaration of importance. 

Jyn Erso glared in K-2SO’s direction, “Why do you keep telling me that?”

“So you understand why Cassian and myself will be heading inside, and you’ll be—“

“Moving out,” the Captain interrupted. “Everyone be back before nightfall. Orders are clear: no one stays overnight on this planet.”

Smugly, K-2SO matched his pace with Cassian’s— turning back to make sure Jyn Erso was heading in the opposite direction.

“I’ve devised a way to spend the downtime prior to the summit,” K-2SO told the Captain.

“I’m not working on reports all day,” was the answer.

“It will be inanely simple,” K-2SO countered. “All you have to do is answer ‘ _Yes_ ’ or ‘ _No_ ’ when I point a subject out to you. I feel it should be an obvious matter, but my research has indicated human personal preferences can play some role in these proceedings—”

“What 'proceedings',” Cassian stopped moving; angling his head to view K-2SO directly.

“The selection of your mate,” informed K-2SO. “Or mates, I suppose. It might actually be more effective if you inseminated several of my candidates and then- should offspring arise – I could always have options for my future companion. After your inevitable demise, of course. I might even construct a sort of competitive gaming system to see which offspring has a superior intellect, while maintaining considerable strength—“

Cassian's brow flexed as if presented with a conundrum. “Kay… I understand this is your way of complimenting me. It may seem strange to imagine a time when I might not be here with you. But this… —whatever THIS IS— it’s just not what humans do. I’m not going to walk up to someone  and introduce myself saying ‘ _my droid thinks we should have kids_ ’.”

“Why ever not?” Cassian was not thinking clearly; too overwhelmed with his biology to realize K-2SO would be assisting each and every step of the way. 

Set with a locked scowl, Cassian explained, “Because I would end up a bloody pulp on the ground, and you: tiny metal pieces scattered all around the galaxy.”

“-Cassian…”

Cassian was walking again; keeping his face purposely stern, “How about, when I die, I authorize a memory sweep for you? That way you’ll never experience existing without me? And I’m sure Jyn would be only too happy to—“

“Don’t discuss Jyn Erso today!”

Cassian looked up at the droid curiously – but, thankfully, did not continue describing Jyn Erso. Must keep Cassian's mind off Jyn Erso! 

“There,” K-2SO announced as they passed a female Rebel encamped for the day. “Candidate Neinx. Hails from a colder climate homeworld, like you. Excellent mechanical skills—“

“Does she have a first name?” Cassian kept walking; marking no mutual eye contact to commence the mating ritual! 

“I.. didn’t keep that data… seemed irrelevant.”

“Not a great start there, Kay," taunted Cassian with a smirk. "And no.”

K-2SO considered Neinx's list of traits in its memory bank. “But she has—“

“No,” Cassian did not bend. 

A couple more paces, and K-2SO noticed another from his list: a Sergeant Ilavac.

“—A spotless record,” K-2SO praised. “And analysis skills that rival your own.”

“Too blonde,” muttered Cassian annoyed.

K-2SO consulted its program on genetics, “Shouldn’t be an issue seeing how any offspring would favor your own coloring.“

Cassian stopped again. K-2SO was ready to witness Cassian engaging the blonde for future insemination. But, alas! Cassian only whined to the droid, “You stated ‘ _personal preferences_ ’ were a factor. And I’m telling you: too blonde.”

K-2SO brought the mating files up in memory bank; dramatically announcing to Cassian, “All blonde candidates have been stricken from list.”

“She’s very fetching,” K-2SO nodded now towards an auburn haired cadet who displayed solid hip formation; gaging to uncover if all ginger-haired candidates should also be deleted.

“Very attractive,” agreed Cassian dully.

“You didn’t even look up to examine—" K-2SO was ready to drag its human forward to the cadet. "Do you even _want_ a mate?”

Cassian was firm; unbending when he claimed, “I don’t, actually.”

Did the Captain not understand the basic of his own kind? “So you’re just going to die, your genetics lost forever, and I will have to contend myself with Jyn Erso running a memory swipe—”

“I thought we weren’t mentioning her today,” joked Cassian raising an eye brow in taunt. “And I’ve been trying this thing recently: I attempt to survive to see the galaxy without the Empire in it. Hard to muster, I know. But I'm willing to try.”

“Cassian, I’m not sure you’ve realized— or have read my report on the matter—“ K-2SO was growing frantic. It had never considered Cassian unwilling to contribute his seed for the greater good! 

“I at least glanced at it,” Cassian appeared more interested with the dirt under his nails than the breedable females surrounding them. 

“—But you are showing similar patterns of behavior to the bantha bull when it’s failing to successfully mate.”

“… Honestly wasn’t expecting to hear that one,” Cassian paused, “And I’m not a bantha bull, Kay!”

“It’s all mammal biology. Your body – even if you are unaware – is sending out signals to all breedable females that indicate ability and willingness to proceed with—“

K-2SO was interrupted by the loud crunch of fruit. Cassian grinned as juices flowed down his chin; the serious discussion K-2SO was trying to have replaced with mealtime, apparently.

“Wipe your chin,” the droid instructed. “Potential mates might be looking— you are _so_ the failed bantha bull.”

“Why am I the failed bantha bull?” Cassian asked as he ate.

“Bantha bulls develop serious inferiority complexes, and start pursuing less desirable mates thinking they lack the virility to attract genetically superior ones. Cassian, you deserve a comparable mate.”

“There’s a compliment hidden in that one as well,” Cassian mused as he started walking through the gathering again; nodding and quickly greeting acquaintances along the way. K-2SO studies the Captain’s face for indicators of sexual attraction as they walked – none!

“Too young for you,” observed K-2S0 as they passed a group of young girls whispering together. “And all that whispering is far too insipid!”

“It’s good that you realized that yourself,” agreed Cassian. “Also: there are laws against that.”

“Actual laws or moral ones?”

“Both,” urged Cassian frantically. To make sure the droid understood, Cassian repeated, “Too young!”

“And she’s too old,” K-2SO announced of an older woman with gray hair cut short; angling into a round chin. 

Cassian waved to the woman as they passed, “Yes, the Major (who trained me as a boy) is ‘too old’ to be anything other than the Major who trained me in combat.”

“Eggs are probably all dried up, at any rate –“

Finally a reaction from its human! Cassian's face had gone purple as K-2SO's voice echoed over the crowd ' _dried up_ ', “Kay, you’ve got to end this right now.”

The droid stopped suddenly, causing the Captain to smash into a plated side. Noticeably, K-2SO pointed to an age appropriate human-female and declared, “Her height could be of great advantage for your gene pool, Cassian!”

The amazon woman (not blonde!) glared as Cassian pulled K-2SO away, “And we’ve made a new enemy today. Life stays on track for us.”

K-2SO stopped again; picking up Cassian by the back of his coat and setting him back down in the direction of their newest target: a shapely brunette. “She has already completed several high profile missions. And her breasts are ideal in size: large enough for your progeny to be nourished properly, but not enough to hamper mobility in conflicts as a result. I understand, from those holofilms you used to have, that breast-size is vital for the male sex drive. However, some of those were just too impractical for wartime, Cassian! Your mate will be responsible for the survival of the offspring while you and I are continuing our span of the galaxy.”

“Kay—you cannot be doing this …” Cassian looked skirmish. Had the fruit not submitted enough proteins for a meal? Shocking! 

“That one,” K-2SO continued at the same volume. “Cries at the drop of a hat. Very concerning, in my opinion. Leave her be.”

A dark haired beauty with an impressive glare walked away from the approaching droid and human, “Now she would do nicely physically, but you’re not her type.”

“Too moody? Brooding and needy?” Cassian, in all his height, seemed to be scrunched down to avoid extra attention from his peers. How was he to catch a mate's attentions that way?

“Too male,” the droid acknowledged; placing a hand on Cassian's shoulder and forcing the human to rise. 

“Kay,” Cassian stammered; rising to get a better view through the crowd. “—Who’s that?”

Cassian didn’t have to indicate that his attention was fixed on the golden haired cargo pilot chatting up Jyn Erso across the mob— an imbecile who seemed to be laughing at his own jokes too much.

“He doesn’t really seem your type, Captain.“

Cassian groaned, rolling his eyes at the droid before elaborating, “Get me his records, Kay.”

“Whatever for? Besides, he might serve to occupy Jyn Erso for an hour while I locate my ideal candidates for you. I have a ranking system,” K-2S0 almost gushed. “This might be the largest gathering of the Rebel Alliance before the new base is finished, and I’ll not squander this opportunity just because Jyn Erso is about to—“

But Cassian had gone into spy mode; casually drifting across the crowd, and K-2SO followed—because K-2SO always followed the Captain into battle.   
  
Jyn Erso had gestured at something over her shoulder and retreated by the time they arrived, but the Captain stayed. Did not resort to following her. Good! Progress! Instead, Cassian folded his arms and leaned against the wall next to the cargo pilot— biting the corner of his lip before entering into a forced display of ‘small-talk’ with the stranger. 

“Long day, isn’t it,” laughed Cassian darkly.

The cargo pilot nodded, “Long— long one! Don’t suppose they could have just messaged us the plans about a new headquarters?“

Cassian laughed bitterly now, “Well that would undermine the whole idea of ‘ _Top Secret_ ’. The majority of messages— even heavily encrypted— are being read by the Empire every second of every day.”

The Captain was annoyed. K-2SO could see it plainly written on Cassian’s face: pure contempt as he upheld a fake smile for the pilot. K-2SO awaited a long reprimand about the duties for the Rebellion; about safeguarding such vital intelligence— but Cassian held it all back for some reason.

“Hey, you're that one guy,” the cargo pilot announced. “The captain of Rogue One.”

“I am,” replied Cassian simply; his back teeth grounding to hold a smile. 

“Say, can I ask you something? Just between us guys?”

“Absolutely,” Cassian's eyes flickered to the place Jyn Erso disappeared.

“That Jyn Erso—“ the pilot whistled. Like that was explanation enough! 

Cassian seemed to think more words required too! “Ah-ha?”

“Well – you know. More than just a little alright, that one? If you know what I mean!”

Cassian wore the grin of a rascal; raising his eyebrows in agreement, “Jyn certainly is something.”

“Nice piece of tail.” Humans had long evolved from having tails. 

“A real spit-fire,” countered Cassian. “Too bad about the boyfriend, though.”

“The – the what?”

Cassian was now much too intrigued with the dirt under his thumb nail than the pilot he'd made a beeline towards. “Oh, I assumed it was common knowledge about Jyn’s space pirate. Real jealous type. I’m worried about him showing up today, as a matter of fact…”

“You don’t say!”

“Had a run in with him last time—“ Cassian pointed to a scar on his cheek that K-2SO knew he’d had for the past seven years. Far prior to this Jyn Erso debacle. “Man is completely irrational. I tried to explain I was just her captain and friend and— well, I pity the fool who tries anything else…”

“I have to get going,” the pilot was already elbowing to get through the crowd. 

“Do you?” asked Cassian innocently.

The cargo pilot, still rushing away, staggered when Cassian called from behind, “Let me know if you see any burly guys with face tattoos lurking around? But don’t approach without backup—“

The droid spun around; staring at its human, “What was that?”

Cassian simply shrugged.

“Captain -  … Cassian, I feel you might need to consider what makes you respond in such a way to males attempting to mate with Jyn Erso—“

“I… I really have no idea why I did that, Kay-“

“That is not a satisfactory answer,” K-2SO clenched its fists. 

Jyn Erso returned; clutching two makeshift glasses of  tar colored liquid. “Where’d Kexilo go?”

Cassian shrugged again, making K-2SO want to short a circuit. “Last minute reassignment. But I’ll take that—“ Cassian reached out and took one of the glasses. Their fingers brushed for a second longer than necessary in the exchange.

Jyn Erso leaned against the wall now, shoulder brushing against the Captain’s and neither bothering to otherwise adjust themselves.

“Rotten luck, huh?” Jyn asked Cassian; taking a sip of her drink.

“ _Terrible_ ,” the Captain agreed; fighting back a smirk. 

K-2SO was deflated at this turn of event. At how Cassian had managed to, once again, locate and engage Jyn Erso… when there was a crowd of potential mates present…

Cassian and Jyn Erso’s fingers touched again, the pair whispering something K-2SO couldn’t hear.

Loudly, K-2SO spoke down at the humans, “Shall I dispatch invitations to _any_ of the candidates for a meet-up later in your cabin, Captain?”

“Candidates for what?” asked Jyn Erso.

Cassian said, “… no! And, if I have anyone tell me you did, I might have to consider some rewiring. Understood?”

“Understood,” the droid lamented.

“Candidates for what?” Jyn Erso repeated louder; bright eyes darting from human to droid.

“Don’t concern yourself,” K-2SO told her. “You’ve not made the list.”

Even without knowing the context, Jyn Erso seemed peeved at being left out— and Cassian was almost seething with frustration when K-2SO pulled out _his_ datapad to log,

“08.35.19 hours – EVEN OUTSIDE OVULATION PERIOD CAPTAIN CIRCLES ERSO. SUBJECTS ARE GROWING MORE HOSTILE. CONCERNED FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS. CAPTAIN REFUSED TO VOCALIZE WHY CARGO PILOT COULD NOT INSEMINATE ERSO. CAPTAIN UNRECEPTIVE TO VIABLE MATING OPTIONS. OVERALL, HIGHLY DISAPPOINTING DAY.

Jyn Erso had the Captain smiling when something was muttered against his ear. When the two humans laughed together small flashes of color appeared across Cassian’s cheeks. A very disappointing day, K-2SO acknowledged again.

K-2SO punched in another observation, “CAPTAIN’S GROIN CONTINUES TO BE POINTED DIRECTLY AT JYN ERSO AT ALL TIMES. NO WONDER HE CAN LOCATE HER SO QUICKLY.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the positive feedback, everyone! And prepare for a short interlude of K-2SO's 'cabin checks'. All just for the sack of keeping the Rogue One crew alert while on Hoth... because why else would K-2SO spend the humans' sleep cycles flicking on their lights and ensuring everyone alone and accounted for?


	3. SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK CLEARED

Jyn had only just fallen asleep on her cot when the lights started flashing. Like a rocket, Jyn blasted to attention; dragging on boots as she searched for a weapon. Any weaspon would do. 

Then the lights stayed on, and Jyn looked over to see K-2SO standing in the doorway; mechanical fingers still resting on the light pad.

“SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK CLEARED. ERSO AT ATTENTION WITH 44% AGILITY—” And, without further preamble, the lights are turned off; and K-2SO exited closing the door. In the sudden darkness, heart plummeting in false promises of battle, Jyn kicked off her shoes and nudged back under the covers—certain, if she could see anything in the blackness, she would see her breath hanging in the frigid air.

She must have managed a couple hours of sleep before the lights started to flash again. K-2SO intimidating the sound of a fog siren as it studied her response.

“Slipping,” the droid reprimanded. “SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK CLEARED. ERSO AT 21% AGILITY—“ K-2SO headed back out the door— only to move back inside. “Are there any male visitors in attendance?”

Jyn cocked her head to the side flustered; pursing her lips as the droid fixed eyes on her bed.

“I’m not hiding anyone under the sheets,” exclaimed Jyn; flipping the blankets back as proof.

“I shall make note of it,” retorted K-2SO over shoulder upon retreat. “Night, night—“ The lights flicked off and door closed again.

The third time Jyn refused to get out of bed; blocking the light with a pillow as she burrowed deeper under blankets. The increased volume of K-2SO’s ‘ _siren_ ’ only gained a discarded boot whirled towards the door.

“SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK POOR. ERSO AT 7% AGILITY. UNFIT FOR BA—“

“If you keep doing this the whole hallway will be out for your circuits, Kay,” Jyn threatened.

“Cassian would never allow them anywhere near my circuits,” announced the droid proudly. “And do we have any nocturnal visitors to log? Any carnal playmates tonight?”

“You mean: in the last few hours?” Grogged the woman. 

“Precisely.”

“Check the fresher,” Jyn taunted; rubbing sleep from her eyes. “I asked my latest ‘carnal playmate’ to hide for a bit— just in the odd chance you turned up to harass me at… ... Kay, it’s four in the morning. You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Had she been more awake, Jyn would have known the use of sarcasm in no way discouraged K-2SO’s behavior. The droid crept across the room; whipping open the fresher door and peering inside.. and found a wet towel hanging to dry.

“So I am to assume said ‘carnal playmate’ has already vacated?”

Jyn groaned, “Almost as if he was never here at all. In fact, more like he doesn’t even exist.”

K-2SO was heading for the door, not even bothering to turn off the light this time, when Jyn called after it, “One more time: and I’m marching you back to Cassian’s room and reporting this officially to him!”

If her threat made any impact, Jyn didn’t notice from the droid’s retreating form. But was actually able to sleep two solid hours afterwards. Lack of sleep left Jyn twitchy. She jumped when Baze joined her table in the mess for breakfast. The Guardian placed a comforting hand on her shoulder to help her steady.

“Okay, Little Sister?” Baze watched her skeptically. 

Jyn shook her head, “K-2SO has reached new levels of psychotic. I had three ‘cabin checks’ in a row last night!“

“Cabin checks?” Baze inquired.

“Yes: cabin checks," Jyn looked up at Baze; motioning a hand between them. 

When Baze continued to look confused, Jyn prompted, “You know! When Kay turns up in your cabin to ‘inspect’ that you’re ready for battle at a moment’s notice—“

Baze silently regarded her; obviously puzzled. When Bodhi arrived Jyn also explained her story—repeating for Chirrut in turn.

“So we are to understand that K-2SO wakes you up in the middle of the night to ensure you’re always equipt for battle,” mused the blind monk.

“Cabin checks,” Jyn exhaled through her nose. “They aren’t every night, or that gets predictable… has K-2SO never done this with any of you?”

Three heads all shook the negative. Jyn felt her face fall in disbelief, “For two years that droid has been waking me up, asking if I had any ‘carnal playmates’ hidden in the room, and no one else has had any of this emotional—“

Bodhi gulped, “Why would K-2SO… be asking… about sexual partners?”

“That’s low on my list right now, Bodhi!" Jyn panted in anger.  "I’m more interested in why I alone have been singled out for psychological torture from that twisted little metal-head!“

Chirrut took on the role of voice of reason, “The droid might not view what it’s doing as inherently ‘ _wrong_ ’. Maybe this is some sort of game K-2SO thinks you two are playing—you both seem to derive enjoyment pestering one another. Maybe it’s just a tease.”

“Two years of restless sleeping isn’t a game,” Jyn hissed. “It’s warfare!”

Speak of the Devil, thought Jyn when the droid came bounding into the mess—presenting a mug of something piping hot to a tall brunette at a far table. The woman laughed, an honest musical sound, at something K-2SO said to her; patting the droid’s arm fondly.

“Did I miss something?” Jyn nodded to the display; hoping the rest of the crew was equally disturbed by K-2SO seemingly being… _nice_.

“That’s Veronica Salzer,” reported Bodhi. “Head mechanical engineer here on Hoth.”

“What does she look like?” Chirrut asked thoughtfully.

“Probably the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen,” Baze replied with a shrug. “And a compassionate face.”

The last part brought a smile to Chirrut’s face, “Good,” the monk observed.

“Her name… and physical appearance… isn’t the issue,” Jyn gave a pointed look. She waited for a stream of reactions voicing her own suspicions but instead received radio silence. “Come on, it’s weird that Kay’s being nice to her. No one else thinks so?”

“Oh, it’s very creepy,” admitted Baze. “Almost makes my skin crawl—“

“Thank you,” Jyn cheered in triumph.

“Maybe K-2SO is trying to bond with a lifeform other than Captain Andor?” Chirrut questioned.

“And Verty is so nice,” Bodhi admitted.

“Her nickname is ‘Verty’’, snarked Jyn.

“—It must be hard not being kind to her in return,” Bodhi finished; looking uncomfortable under Jyn’s harsh gaze.

Jyn's face hardened, “So you are suggesting, Bodhi, that someone as difficult as me only feeds the malicious part of K-2SO, while someone as wonderful as ‘Verty’ establishes a warmth and friendliness…”

Bodhi paled; adjusting his collar as he offered, “But.. we weren’t talking about you. Jyn? Were we?" a confused Bodhi addressed the Guardians.

Chirrut cleared his throat, “Jyn Erso, you are a treasure. Underneath a rough exterior beats the heart of a true hero and steadfast friend—”

“I feel a big ‘ _but_ ’ coming—“ Jyn guessed. 

“The relationship you have created with that droid existed—as is—before any of us joined this misadventure,” said Chirrut.

Jyn argued, “It started with K-2SO knocking me out— which Kay has done twice since then. Cassian had to plead that any more head trauma for a human would cause—”

“Maybe it’s time to forge a more amicable relationship with K-2SO?” Chirrut smiled at her.   
  
Jyn could almost hear something else. Some unspoken understanding of why it was vital that K-2SO and herself reached a level of coexistence. And it irked Jyn that she’d become so readable to her makeshift family.

Up close to Veronica Salzer, Jyn couldn’t understand the praise. And, however many times the older woman asked her, Jyn refused to call her ‘ _Verty_ ’. Jyn couldn’t shake this feeling of loathing— especially knowing that her crew should feel indebted to have the head of mechanics looking over Rogue One. Their shuttle was a sorry heap when first commandeered and had only became more of a wreck each time it was fixed with scavenged parts. The talented engineer rattled off facts about the engine staying intact; praise for Bodhi that he accepted with pinkened ears. Jyn planted herself against the terminal wall, watching. But only interacting if directly addressed.

“He’s such a sweetheart,” chirped Veronica up at Jyn.

Jyn nodded absentmindedly; thinking they were discussing Bodhi—stopping only when the other woman’s head craned across the mass of ships and pilots; to where K-2SO was following Cassian around as he appraised cadets. Swiftly, Veronica’s words registered.

“Kay?” asked Jyn roughly.

“Yeah, the droid. So precious! Always has the kindest things to say. Like a week ago, I had a slight cold and the droid turned up outside my cabin with fresh tea and an extra blanket. Even thoughtful enough to beg me to get some extra sleep!”

“ _Sleep?_ ” Jyn croaked. She couldn’t even fathom a world of ‘extra’ sleep.

“The sweetheart said I needed to log at least eight hours to remain healthy – oh, and—”

“Yes, Veronica?”

The engineer cringed at the name; plastering a smile back and reminded Jyn, “Please call me Verty. And it’s pretty embarrassing,” Veronica insisted; wiping her hands on a cloth as she rose to stand next to Jyn; softly continuing, “But just between us girls, I’ve had the worst cramps lately. And my cycle’s been all over the place. Well, K-2SO figured it out, and has me on this regime. All sorts of things to get my body back on track. Silly thing even said it would boost my fertility in the long run. Crazy, right?”

“You have no idea, Veronica,” agreed Jyn darkly.

“I guess, being on the same ship, he does stuff like that all the time for you?” Veronica was friendly enough to ask.

Jyn fought off the urge to laugh and vaguely replied, “K-2SO does _so_ much. For all of us.”

Veronica seemed pleased with that answer— moving back to the ship and instructing Bodhi. Jyn’s face tightened into a frown. Eyes searched for the droid across the hanger. She rested her gaze on Cassian. A habit, she scolded herself. Something boiled in her stomach when the Captain reached down; picking up a helmet for a cadet and displaying a rounded backside for anyone watching. And she was watching— watching too often. She smiled as he straightened; a ripple of muscles flexing as his butt got lost under a layered coat again…

But K-2SO, Jyn reminded herself briskly. She glared at the droid as he spoke to Cassian. The focus had to be on K-2SO—and whatever the droid was up to. Because something weird was going on, and it left the stench of droid-oil all over it!

Jyn bounded after Cassian and K-2SO as the pair headed back into base; calling out to them, “Wait!”

The look of pure delight in Cassian’s eyes almost left Jyn breathless— but that was probably from running and breathing in cold air, Jyn reminded herself. Breathing in really cold air made lungs tighten- left a person almost unable to speak properly, right? Not the glow in someone’s eyes that might be reserved just for her.

“Jyn,” Cassian greeted her warmly.

Making it even harder to reply, “Can I have Kay for a moment?”

“ _Why_?” the droid attested.

Followed by an uncomfortable, “ _Why_?” from its human.

“Uh, we need some diagnostics readings for Rogue One,” Jyn lied. “And Salzer says you’d be best for the job.”

The droid seemed to puff up at the indirect compliment; far too ready to join Salzer and prove itself essential— only to be peeved when Jyn pulled in another direction; far away from Cassian and its newfound favorite engineer.

“Spill,” ordered Jyn once hidden safely inside a storage closet.

“And which liquid shall I spill?” replied the droid; turning to take in the variety of chemicals shelved in the closet. 

“Spill, as in: TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE UP TO,” demanded Jyn urgently.

“I thought to be ‘up to’ helping the renowned Salzer run a diagnoistics on our ship; ensuring that neither Rook or yourself ruined it. However, now I seem trapped. By you. In a closet.”

“You seem mighty fixated on Salzer,” Jyn commented.

The droid released its sighing imitation, “It’s such a misfortune the Captain won’t allow me to render you unconscious anymore. It proved so useful—“

“Why are you interested in Salzer?" Jyn prompted. "Is this some new ‘game’ for you? Charting female-humans’ fertility?”

“No,” K-2SO answered calmly. “I’m mainly just concerned with your menstruation, and Verty’s fertility.”

“And why are you so interested in her fertility?”

“Veronica Salzer is of the highest-caliber genetics I’ve witnessed in the human-female species,” K-2SO acclaimed.

“—So you’re in love with…?”

“Strange that your mind goes there first, but no. Obviously, my being a droid, I am not experiencing these romantic inclinations you humans are so fond of." K-2SO defended itself. "However, I respect a strong linage. Our offspring will achieve an ideal start. And if Veronica can pass along some of her technical know-how in the amniotic sac—“

“You cannot reproduce with a fe—," cringing at the thought, Jyn declared, "You cannot reproduce with anyone, Kay!”

“Oh – I misspoke. Allow me to reiterate: ‘our’ offspring was referring to Cassian’s and myself,” stated the droid evenly. 

Jyn paled; mouth opening and closing in disbelief as she struggled to form words. “You and Cassian’s? You want to raise a human child with Cassian?”

“Well, Cassian would obviously be doing the insemination— and I feel I’d be unwelcome to observe. But, after Verty’s gestation period, I see myself raising my future human companion the majority of the time. If either parent wishes visitation, that can be arranged if they provide instruction in their many skillsets-“

“Kay- this might be the most disturbing thing… I… does Cassian even realize you’re doing this?”

“Certainly. He vetoed all my candidates last time I asked for his approval. So I’ve streamlined my shortlist here on Hoth.”

Jyn was furious, “Does this have anything to do with that ‘list’ I didn’t qualify for?”

“Yes. And I’d happily make a list of potential mates for you, as well. Have you seen some of these new recruits? Their gene pools wouldn’t be at all contaminated by the introduction of a vertically challenged, perpetually violent, flippant woman with an erratic menstrual cycle. But I want no part in your future offspring. I demand right now – wait, where are you going, Jyn Erso? Come back here and—“

Jyn looked over her shoulder and smirked, “I’m off to find Cassian.”

“Whatever for,” the droid accused. Pausing, it seemed to process – “You won’t inform Cassian of my shortlist. He needs to think himself completely uncoerced and voluntary. And Verty has almost synched to your own…”

The droid stopped itself. Jyn prompted, “My own-? My menstrual cycle? What have you been planning, Kay?”

K-2SO remained silent. Slowly stating, “You may recall a conversation we shared over my linking certain behaviors of Cassian’s to your ovulation—“

“Oh – I recall. That’s something hard to forget,” Jyn said. 

“I fathomed— if Cassian is already predisposed for reproduction during that timeframe — I can utilize that behavior for my own gain," explained the droid. "Place the superiorly fertile Verty in his path after failing to mate with you—”

“Failing to mate with me?” choked Jyn. 

“Naturally!”

Jyn's eyes darted back and forth as she considered K-2SO's scheme, “How long have you been collecting this data?”

“One year, nine months, twenty-four days, 10 hours, 3 minutes, 37 seconds—“

Jyn stopped the rest, “And you’ve concluded Cassian would be interested in… in me. That way. Why?”

“Why, indeed,” lamented the droid. “I’ve searched through all the supplementary research I could find and still have no answer. For a while, I just assumed the Captain lacked proper proteins in his diet. But now my hypothesis is there’s something psychologically unbalanced for him where you’re concerned—”

Jyn gestured out the door, “When I approached both of you earlier, had I stated I needed Cassian’s assistance. Not yours. And had pulled Cassian into this closet, not you—“

“I shudder to think of the outcome,” remarked K-2SO. “Truly. Don’t continue.”

“Ouch,” panted Jyn; doubling over and clutching her sides.

“Jyn Erso what have you done to yourself?” a worried K-2SO demanded.

She smiled when she looked up, “It would appear a matured egg has just been lowered for _insemination_.”

“That’s not possible,” retorted the droid. “That’s not how ovulation works. Matured eggs are not lowered on a whim— … are they? I’ll have to research… Jyn Erso, I command you to return to you cabin and lock the door until this egg passes, or I find composite data about—“

“Oh- that I could, Kay. But I think I might have to discuss some things with Cassian," Jyn sighed deeply, "I wonder if his semen is especially potent after years of pining for me…”

K-2SO begged, “Don’t you dare ruin my plans-”

“The captain does seem like the kind of man who’s incredibly vigorous,” Jyn surmised with another sigh. 

“That is your superior officer you’re discussing! Even if Cassian allows for some levels of lax, I will not.”

Jyn stared straight at the droid, “You might need to be nicer to me, Kay. After all, it might just be me, and my diligent use of birth control, that keeps your greatest fears from being realized.”

K-2SO was overheating now, “Don’t you dare head to the east wing with that egg, Jyn Erso! Don’t you dare try to—“

“So Cassian has a meeting? Top-secret? In the east wing of all places—who knows if this egg can wait that long,” Jyn chanced one more smirk at the droid before strolling leisurely out of the closet.  
  
Sparring matching with K-2SO always left Jyn feeling invigorated— unstoppable. She glided down the hallways, feeling charged with the Force— wondering if that had something to do with this connection she felt for Cassian. A clear mutual attraction that seemed more than ready to boil over. 

“Jyn, Verty was asking about you  Want to see what we did to the ship?” Bodhi started walking in stride next to her.

“Later,” Jyn promised. “But could you do me a favor? K-2SO is going to be marching after me any moment. Buy me some time?”

Bodhi nodded, “Sure – you’re in a good mood … did you punch someone?”

“Nope. Off to proposition a superior officer—and, after awhile, please pass that on to K-2SO. Oh - even better," Jyn leered with triumph. "Tell the metal-head I’m off to get my eggs fertilized, and it feels like twins!”

“… I… I’ve ended up with the weirdest friends," Bodhi scratched the back of his head in thought. 

Jyn patted his arm, “Sorry about that, Bodhi. Truly am.”

“Heck, it’s still friends," cheered Bodhi. "Run along— but I don’t want any details. Clear?”

Jyn Erso was supposedly bold and unrelenting. She hovered around the meeting hall—attempting to appear cool and collected as she paced back and forth. An unrelenting goddess of sex was a tall order when she noticed Cassian Andor walking towards her; his face lowered as he read a datapad. Any amount of confidence wavered; leaving her almost nervous. Maybe it was the authority Cassian still managed to carry on his shoulders— leaving her feeling like a lost criminal no one ever wanted.

But he does, Jyn reminded herself sternly. It was time to take initiative for both their sanities. Jyn imagined a livid K-2SO  and Cassian’s eyes glowing for her earlier— and cleared her throat casually; making a point of locking eyes with Cassian when he looked up. She refused to divert her gaze until Cassian approached.

“Jyn, I was just heading into council—“

“We need to talk about K-2SO,” Jyn announced.

“Bad diagnoistics scan,” Cassian assumed almost fondly.

Jyn groaned, “You’ve got to get K-2S0 to stop ‘cabin checks’.“

“Cabin checks?” Cassian face tightened into a frown. 

“For two years I’ve dealt with them. I was told they were regulation," explained Jyn fast. Like ripping apart a bandage to charge into battle: just get it done with."—That everyone underwent Kay barging into their cabins at all hours to study ‘agility acuity in sudden attacks’. I thought everyone had K-2SO inspecting their sheets, and inquiring if they were hiding ‘carnal playmates’ under their beds –“

Brown eyes tripled in size, “… Kay did what?”

“I deserve eight hours of sleep, too,” Jyn stood by this firmly. 

“Don’t we all,” Cassian groaned; rubbing a hand across exhausted eyes.

“And I’d like to have dinner,” Jyn felt her confidence waning; so rushed to present her demand before it was too late. 

Cassian looked at the wall screen and replied, “—Mess should start serving evening meals in an hour-“

Jyn maintained eye contact, locked his gaze, “No. I’d like to have dinner with _you_.”

“—we have dinner together all the time.”

Jyn agreed with the technicality, “Yes, we eat with Chirrut, Baze, and Bodhi — Kay usually hovering behind you, or sitting down to tell me I’m eating only the food with little to no nutritional value. I want to share a meal with you. Just _you_.”

“… Alright.”

Jyn nodded confirmation, “I’ll be in the observational deck for duty later on. Bring me whatever they serve tonight that Kay complains most about.”

“So… this is like a—“

“Date. Yep. And, if you leave your droid at home, I might get a little handsy,” Jyn teased back. 

Cassian promised, “Well, alright: no Kay it is.”

“ – And don’t have sex with ‘Verty’,” Jyn ordered. 

“If I had any idea who that was—“ Cassian started. 

Jyn interrupted, “Just don’t!”

He smiled at her; the rushed half-smile before he dissolved back into a soldier, “… Yes, Jyn. But don’t expect more than some heavy necking tonight. I’m an old-fashioned guy at heart.”

“It’s a date, Captain,” Jyn winked awkwardly and turned around; replaying the whole conversation in her head and begging the Force it had sounded smoother than what she heard repeated over and over again...

Any discomfort dispersed when K-2SO padded into view, forcing Jyn to cradle her stomach fondly.

“Very _vigorous_ ,” she sighed happily at the droid as she walked away. Biting her lip to keep her laughter contained until she reached the observation deck.


	4. Ice Breaker

Long days of shuffling reports around, mixed with the cold air, only left Cassian struggling in the evenings here on Hoth. His leg never fully healed after Scarif. And Cassian was starting to accept that it never would. They all carried scars but Cassian’s remained visible to the galaxy outside of Rogue One. In a way he was glad; more than willing to be the only from his crew carrying the physical proof – he was more than capable of altering his gait when the cracked bone started aching; of masking any discomfort with a practiced grimace. 

‘Unfit for fieldwork’ had felt a slap across the face after a lifetime of thinking that was all he was meant for. Since the age of six, the Rebellion had been all that mattered. 

And the suggested promotion to ‘Major’ seemed a consolation prize. You’ve ruined yourself for the Alliance, Captain. Have a shiny new title to make it all better – 

“You’re already doing the workload,” Princess Leia had stated firmly. “Might as well have the title.” 

He’d exited the meeting with a hollow excuse of ‘thinking it over’, keeping his pace measured and shoulders high – unwilling to illustrate their appraisal by limping from the room. 

Besides, Cassian reminded himself, you have a date. He smiled weakly as he entered the mess; allowing his lame leg to jet outward and rest while he examined the meager collection of cuisine the Rebel Alliance offered. They tried, Cassian knew, to make the food an event with what little they had; to remind the soldiers that this place might be ‘homey’. With a practiced scrutiny, Cassian eyed the dishes – unsure if anything offered fits the bill of romantic ‘date’ food. Jyn, naturally, knew that. And she would have been just as content to split a can of rations that had spoiled with him – but Cassian shook his head at that idea. 

This – whatever ‘THIS’ was – had to go well. 

Don’t ruin this, Cassian, an inward voice chastised. The voice sounded almost too similar to K-2SO for comfort. 

The young cadet serving was starting to shake at the Captain’s extended presence. Gulping, she interrupted his thoughts with, “Is there a problem, sir?”

Cassian shook his head, pointing downward at the options, “Wh- what would you, being a girl… which meal are you …. Is there a option you’d consider more appealing?” 

“Appealing,” the cadet asked. “You mean appetizing, sir? They’re all about the same –“ 

“No,” Cassian replied. “Not appetizing. But what, if eaten, do you think would feel… most… comfortable with? Secure, even.”

“I don’t think any food does that, sir.” 

Cassian groaned at how pathetic he had to sound, “Fair enough, Cadet. Which meal is most aesthetically pleasing to you? Attractive?” 

“Sir, it’s really just orange mush, brown mush, or light-brown mush-“ 

The artificial orange mush seemed to glow – making Cassian think of Jyn. It seemed like something Jyn would take great relish in munching down- “A bowl of the orange mush, please. And…” he paused, unsure of his own order. Only to hear the padding of metal behind him; knowing K-2SO would tell him what to eat whether consulted or not. 

“Cassian! I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” the droid announced itself. 

“You knew I had a meeting, Kay.”

“Yes but before that –“ the droid seemed to be screening itself; robotic eyes zoomed to study Cassian’s face and retreated skillfully down his body. Resting uncomfortably long on his groin. 

“Kay, don’t even start with-“ 

“Your pants are too tight,” examined K-2SO. “Which have the positive effects of difficulty removing quickly in a confined space – but also has been known to lower sperm count, Cassian.” 

The young cadet’s eyes almost bulged from her face at the casual discussion of Captain Andor’s sperm count – Cassian awkwardly reached for the bowl of orange mush, thanking the girl and starting his second order when K-2SO announced, 

“Thank goodness you didn’t go with the light-brown mush. Barely any nutritional value and packed with fillers.” 

That answers that, Cassian smirked. Jyn had wanted whatever annoyed Kay the most. 

“And the light-brown mush as well,” 

“Cassian!”

“It’s okay, Kay –I’m eating this one,” Cassian held the orange mush up as proof.

K-2SO stepped closer to the cadet, “We’ll need extra protein packs. Now!”

When the droid was presented with the packs, it ripped all open in one fluid motion and poured them into Cassian’s bowl. 

“Be sure to eat all the protein,” scolded the droid. “It’s vital that we keep your protein levels high – and I’ll look into getting looser pants in the future.” 

“I’m not a child,” Cassian complained after muttering an apology to the cadet – apologizing for his droid’s behavior an everyday norm now. 

“Of course not,” K-2SO agreed. “A child wouldn’t have a date.”

“A date? You know about that –“ 

“Sure do,” cheered the droid. “And I have her all scheduled to check your ‘datafiles’ retention’ tomorrow night in your cabin.” 

“I thought Jyn said tonight in the observation deck?” 

“………………………………JYN ERSO……………………….”

“Kay, did you – we discussed this…”

“I didn’t think you were being serious!” 

“Hey,” Bodhi waved as he approached. “Was looking for everyone. Baze and Chirrut already ate and left. So where are we sitting?”

Cassian cleared his throat, “I’m actually taking this up to Observation for Jyn –“ 

“Nice,” said Bodhi. “Lead the way – people are starting to give me a strange look for hovering…”

“Actually,” stressed Cassian. “It’s kind of just a Jyn and me thing.” 

“Oh… going over reports? Secret files… I wouldn’t tell anyone,” promised Bodhi earnestly. “Anything I overheard, I’d not… tell anyone. No one to tell, really. Besides you guys.” 

“Bodhi, I trust you completely,” assured Cassian. “It’s just –“ 

“Cassian is going to be inseminating Jyn Erso, apparently,” remarked a pissy K-2SO.

“OH-,” Bodhi blushed.

“No,” Cassian stammered. “No one is going to be – I’m just trying to share a pleasant meal and have a nice conversation with Jyn–“ 

“How is that different than what we usually do,” asked Bodhi. 

“It.. it just is. Jyn asked me to and I’d really like to try this… normal stuff. For a change.” 

“She asked you,” the droid seemed to accuse. 

Cassian fumbled for a way to defuse everything, “I have an idea. Bodhi, why doesn’t Kay keep you company? For a meal. And, if you feel up to it, make some small talk with other people. And what consists of proper small-talk, Kay,” Cassian prompted sternly. 

The droid sighed artfully, “No comment on your reproduction, semen, Jyn Erso’s hip size, mating rituals of Bantha, Jyn Erso’s menstruation, the probability that Jyn Erso’s offspring will be below-average height –“ 

“A little fixated, isn’t he,” Bodhi asked with a chuckle. 

“You have no idea,” groaned Cassian. “And Kay, remember: just anything about human bodily functions is what we landed on for not ‘small-talk’ material. Tends to put humans ill at ease.” 

“Fine!”

“Congratulations,” Bodhi stuttered. “I’m.. I’m happy for you. For both of you, really. It’s like - it’s like Jyn’s my sister. And my sister is being seduced by our big brother…”

“No one is seducing anyone,” Cassian replied. “We’re just having dinner.” 

“So my brother and my sister are going to be having sex. But in a good way. Everyone’s ‘onboard’ kind of way. It’s been long overdue… thought one of you two would have cracked by now… ” Bodhi continued; fumbling for the proper words to describe his feelings on the matter. 

K-2SO stared as Cassian evacuated, “And I’m the one not allowed to talk about this,” the droid broadcasted across the mess; voice dripping with sarcasm. 

The observation deck was kept in strict blackout conditions at night. Cassian tussled through layers of curtains before emerging into darkness. He stood still as eyes adjusted; registering a muted control panel and the dimmed screen of a datapad by the long panel of windows. And then Jyn – pale face illuminated against the blue light of her datapad; pressing closer as if to reread a section. Her lips were stretched thin; a deep scowl at whatever she read – and Cassian was sure no one else could pull off looking so glorious while also being incredibly miffed. But, Cassian also had to adjust his stance whenever he thought of Jyn charging into battle with her batons whacking away at Stormtroopers – Jyn Erso just being her inexorable self was Cassian Andor’s special kind of kink. And two years of having to compose mission reports analyzing what exactly Jyn Erso had done in combat the previous day led to many restless nights of typing and deleting; questioning if the description ‘Sergeant Erso tackled target to ground; flipped him over and demanded datafile with her blaster to target’s forehead’ was too sensual for the Council’s eyes. Did it read with a no-nonsense neutrality? Or would they suspect… could they tell that Cassian –

He started to move towards Jyn in the darkness. Pausing when he realized she’d tensed and announced himself, “Just me.” 

It seemed to calm her; Jyn even chanced a weak smile back at him as he stood next to her; raising both bowls in the air and stating, “We have some options– one is a completely artificial shade of orange. The other: Kay claims has nothing but fillers.” 

Jyn groaned faintly, “And what are they called?”

Cassian considered, “I think the server said, ‘orange mush’ versus ‘light-brown mush’.” 

“Orange mush, then,” said Jyn; taking the bowl and smelling deeply, “Kitchen staff have outdone themselves tonight!” 

She scooted across the bench; an unvoiced offer for Cassian to take a seat. When he did, their knees touched – a norm now. Whenever they found an excuse to stand or sit next to the other, they’d also manage to touch somehow – a casual comfort during war. One of the few comforts Cassian allowed himself. He even felt greedy at times; accepting this small bit of intimacy after decades of deprivation. The deliberateness of the touch now made all the more clear as Jyn nudged against his knee; grounding her bone against his. From years of knowing her, Cassian suspected Jyn was attempting to be playful. Maybe even ‘flirty’, he thought with a gulp. 

“Lots of protein powder,” Jyn mumbled as she struggled to swallow the first mouthful. “Kriff – they didn’t even blend it in. Just sprinkled it on top!” 

“Oh – that wasn’t the kitchen. Kay thought –“ 

“Yes,” prompted Jyn; eyeing him darkly from over her bowl. 

Cassian cleared his throat, “Kay was worried about… my … “ Cassian didn’t want to admit the droid continued to over-nurture him at every turn. “Kay thought you needed more protein in your diet,” lied Cassian; jamming a spoonful of mush into his mouth to avoid any immediate follow-up questions. 

Jyn seemed less agitated by that response; almost pensive when she asked, “So K-2SO’s trying to take care of me?”

Cassian could honestly reply, “Kay really does care. For you. For all of us. And while K-2 might claim it’s not really programed to, I can tell it does feel –“ 

“Oh, I know it ‘feels’,” teased Jyn; wiping off a trail of mush from her chin. 

And where Cassian prepared to hear a complaint – or about the two’s latest feud – Jyn only said, “That droid treats you like a Loth-Cat protecting it’s cub. If that’s not proof of a deep affection, I’m not sure what is.” 

Her smile was warmth in the eerie blue light – a callused hand trailed across his cheek as Cassian fought to keep himself relaxed and neutral. Their lips were chapped from the elements but the friction of the kiss was everything he’d dreamt of. Jyn’s lips hesitated for a moment before rising up again; dipping small kissing against his throat as she searched out his mouth again. Jyn’s hand stayed sprawled against his cheek – neither’s eyes fully closing as they studied the others; tentative and waiting to retreat at any sign of failure. When Cassian finally let his eyes close – fumbling for breaths as he explored Jyn’s skin with his lips – he realized he’d long been a lost man. And couldn’t have cared less. 

It was Jyn who pulled away first – Cassian wasn’t likely to ever stop navigating the soft creases of skin, otherwise. 

“I thought we needed an ice-breaker,” whispered Jyn against his mouth; noses brushing against each other. “And since you weren’t going to be making a move anytime soon –“ 

Cassian argued, “My goal was to take this slow… and not muck it up.” 

“Slow? It’s been glacial!” 

She stared him down; waiting for a reason – some type of explanation after years of edging around these feelings. 

“Jyn—I really don’t want to ruin this –“ 

“Then don’t,” Jyn countered like it was the most obvious answer in the galaxy. 

“I’ve never been part of something stable before – I’m not sure I know how to be normal at this point.” 

Jyn actually snorted at that one, “And I’m an expert on stability and normalcy?”

“So we’re both complete messes,” asked Cassian with a sigh.

“OH – we’re worst than that. But I’m all in… if you are?”

Cassian looked out over the impending snowstorm behind her; then back into Jyn’s iridescent eyes, “All in,” he agreed; smirking when Jyn pulled herself closer into his lap. 

“More tension to break,” she excused herself briskly between fluttering more kisses against his skin.


	5. PROTECT JYN

“I told Cassian you would be a liability,” declared K-2SO; ignoring Bodhi Rook’s gesture to remain quiet from the cockpit. K-2SO turned around to view Jyn Erso heading for the shuttle’s exit without discussion of proper planning protocol procedure. 

“Don’t care,” she retorted; checking her blaster once idly. “It’s going to be cut and dry. None hostile environment. Talk to the informant and get the fuel location – “

“But it requires subtly,” replied K-2SO. “The ability to blend into your surroundings. And tact – knowing when to shut your mouth. Neither of which you possess.”

“As you like to remind me, I was a common criminal. Living under the radar for most of my life –“ 

“And ended up arrested and ready to die in a work camp-“ 

“Leave her alone,” Bodhi interrupted. “Cassian wouldn’t have made Jyn the team leader if he didn’t believe she could carry out the mission.” 

“The Captain…. Major Andor has incontrovertibly not been thinking with his brain in recent months.” 

“That’s the ‘MAJOR’s’ problem,” Jyn groaned; spitting out the title with contempt.

“Trouble in paradise,” Bodhi asked kindly. 

Jyn ignored her teammates; visibly tensing when the droid clarified, “I’m implying that the Major has been thinking with his reproductive organ in all recent decision making. Not any rational part of his –“

“We got it,” both Jyn and Bodhi screeched in unison. 

“Everyone does realize, although back at headquarters, I am listening to everything said over the shuttle’s speaker system,” bristled the newly appointed Major Andor’s voice from the control panel. Because of course it made rational sense to micro-manage a mission of this juvenile level, sneered K-2SO. The droid hazard a guess that Jyn Erso’s presence on this mission was the reason Cassian followed their developments with such keen interest. That and missing field assignments. 

“Call off your droid,” Jyn barked at the control panel. 

Cassian countered, “This is all about working together and growing into a cohesive unit-“ 

K-2SO asked, “Is it difficult having so much of your blood flow rerouted to your privates, Cassian? You never have answered my research questions –“ 

“I would also like to remind everyone on this mission – Jyn, KAY, and Bodhi – that what we say over intercom is, in fact, taped and stored away for future analysis. So everything said is free to be listened to by the entire Rebel Alliance upon request –“ 

“Everything? Seriously, Cassian, “Bodhi inquired nervously. 

“With the proper clearance: yes, everything. Transparency is key,” the Major explained. 

“So about your penis, Major- ,” K-2SO asked again. 

“Kay, you are to follow Sergeant Erso into the outpost; provide backup. Cover her as you’d cover me –“ 

“I don’t see why you aren’t here,” complained the droid scornfully. 

Cassian paused. K-2SO could make out the long inhale and exhale of the Major’s breathing. When Cassian spoke again, it was directed to Jyn, “Locate the informant. Make sure Bodhi is ready to fly back. Time is essential with this intelligence – “

Bodhi smiled at Jyn, “I think someone is missing you!” 

“I’m the team leader. I should get to decide how this mission is performed – “ Jyn was heading down the ramp; muttering under breath as K-2SO turned to follow. Before leaving the ship completely, K-2SO swiveled back to inform Bodhi Rook, 

“They’re fighting. Something about Cassian’s promotion and Jyn Erso having issues with authority. I, for one, am overjoyed. Being so incompatible, it was only a matter of time before everything blew up on a massive scale. It helps everyone’s sanity that they dissolve this… partnership?.... so early on. And not drag this glitch out for years. Or into future generations of my companions–“ 

“We’re not fighting,” was Cassian’s terse reply. “ And your job is to provide Jyn backup, Kay.”

K-2SO recognized the order – having already heard Cassian say it back on Hoth. Even as far back as Yavin 4. Over and over again; linked through the two years of its datafiles: PROTECT JYN was on constant replay in K-2SO’s direct orders from the Major. Catching up to Jyn Erso was easy with her short legs; but the droid found matching her pace far more difficult than with Cassian. Jyn Erso was rapid movement. Sudden stops and bursts of energy. Cassian’s stride was as calculated as everything else about the man. When Jyn Erso and the droid collided outside a makeshift cantina, K-2SO was less than surprised – reaching out to hold Jyn Erso upright as she steadied her short legs again. 

“Seeing how your relationship has reached completion with the Major, I’d be only too happy to still submit my list of your more viable mating options. I even ran a scenario in which Bodhi Rook and you have an offspring to serve as Cassian’s offspring’s subordinate.” 

“Quiet, Kay! You’re upsetting the twins,” Jyn cradled her stomach with a grin; prancing onward dramatically. “I was just thinking of names – Gorgen and Hepsel? Or play on Cassian and mine’s names? Cassia and Jysen? What do you think? Oh – and do you think Cassian will be comfortable with the surname Erso? Or should we use some combination of Andor hyphen Erso? … Why are you acting calm about this? Come on, Kay – your future companion might be right here –“ Jyn patted her stomach again as they neared the entryway. “- Gestating in my less than ideal womb.” 

“I know you and the Major have not undergone carnal relations-“ 

“And how do you know that?”

“The same way I’ve always safeguarded Cassian’s interests. Among my many self-imposed duties, I’ve been counting his contraceptives’ supply since he was nineteen. For a couple of years, they were constantly replenished. Cassian managed that much by himself. But that would have been during the peak of his sexual potency. His sex life has evened out in recent years. And all recent checks have turned up that the current contraceptives have long expired and not be replenished in some time –“ 

Jyn challenged, “So my sexual charisma and techniques have put all ideas of birth control far from Cassian’s thoughts – hence the twins!“ 

“I think not,” voiced the droid. “His tension surely hasn’t decreased; if anything, lack of emissions appear to have added stress agents. Factor in his repeated choice of cold showers and avoidance of looking at you directly during your more combustible tantrums… If the Major continues down this path, I might have to insist on a manual release simply for his own state of mind. Not to mention the stability of the Rebellion.” 

“I’m sure that, being such a massive control freak, Cassian will be only too eager to take those matters in hand,” Jyn smirked at her own joke. “Get it? … In hand?” 

“Assuming you’re referring to Cassian using his own hand to stimulate a sexual discharge-“ 

“Assume away,” urged Jyn Erso as she moved past K-2SO into the small bar; bodies stacked along tight tables that the droid struggled to navigate itself through – K-2SO craned its neck to watch Jyn Erso calmly stalk towards the bartender and ordered a thick liquid in a dirty glass. K-2SO surmised that, had Jyn Erso actually been carrying Cassian’s progeny, the drink might have given both offspring an unusual number of eyes and ears for humans. Would that have proven advantageous for a companion, K-2SO queried. Would those abnormalities have counterbalanced Jyn Erso’s size and personality deficiencies? 

Jyn Erso appeared to be in her element; talking to the other patrons as her eyes searched the room – leaving the droid to fall back into the shadows; trying to blend into a Rebellion-dense environment. Most people seemed to conclude that the droid wasn’t a concern seeing as it wasn’t attacking – and many knew that Cassian Andor had reprogramed an Imperial droid years ago. Still, K-2SO thought it highly probable that someday a Rebel might just attempt to destroy this manner of existence. With Cassian grounded at headquarters and only Jyn Erso for protection, K-2SO found reason for concern. 

K-2SO scanned the outpost; running a database on their current target. A Nubian contact Cassian had worked with in the past claimed to have a fuel source for the Rebel Alliance’s fleet. Cassian had assured K-2SO that the Nubian humanoid was a replicable source but K-2SO had its doubts. It was its function to have these doubts – and voice them to Cassian as much as possible. The hurry to prove this mission a complete ‘fools errand’ was only partly because its companion for this mission wasn’t the Captain – or Major, now. K-2SO didn’t relish extended time away from its human – not when Cassian was doubtlessly devastated over the impending demise of his romantic entanglement with Jyn Erso. K-2SO concluded it had acted marvelously to the whole proceedings—allowing Cassian to discover for himself that this infatuation was an error. K-2SO factored three days of ‘mourning’ for its human. And then they’d continue onward with Verty as nature intended – 

The droid adjusted for a brawl when it saw a man sliding an arm around Jyn Erso’s body – lowering dangerously towards her backside. But she merely shrugged the hand off; eyes darting into a glare before calming again. K-2SO recognized it was witnessing a breakthrough – Jyn Erso controlling her impulses. And, had K-2SO not processed it too knew the male-human, maybe it would have contented itself to further study this phenomenon. Instead, K-2SO approached the pair; stopping only an inch from the human-male and holding out its hand – unintentionally jamming its metal appendages into the man’s ribs. 

“Hello. You are a former carnal playmate of Jyn Erso,” verbalized K-2SO. “We’ve met before.”

The man grimaced, “I remember.” 

“Over a year ago, during a routine cabin check. You had reached climax during the sexual act,” K-2SO continued. “Probability is high it was premature- which can happen for some human-males, I’ve read. You shouldn’t be too embarrassed. At the time, Jyn Erso was suggesting you engage in cunnilingus to make up for the social faux pas-” 

“Is this droid for real,” the man addressed to Jyn Erso; squaring his shoulders away from K-2SO. It was far too insipid when humans acted like K-2SO didn’t even exist – like the droid wasn’t there just because it was robotic. “ – first barging in on us and now-“ 

Jyn Erso seemed unperturbed; locking her gaze with K-2SO before answering, “Kay was only trying to be polite. Making conversation.“ 

The man touched Jyn Erso again; whispering something deep against her ear. His groin pointed straight for her – and dilated eyeballs… male-human was fixed for mating. And, where K-2SO might have attempted to assist in the past, now an order kept hovering over and over again in its memory bank: PROTECT JYN. 

And K-2SO deliberated how to best protect Jyn Erso, deciding to copy a similar attempt of Cassian’s. 

“Have you seen Jyn Erso’s boyfriend around,” asked K-2SO a notch too loudly; interrupting the fool’s brags of accomplishments – all appearing to indicate himself as a successful mating option. But both K-2SO and Jyn Erso knew these claims false. Firsthand accounts indicated chances of premature ejaculate well beyond 54%. And a quick scan of the male informed K-2SO that he was genetically inferior to Cassian Andor in almost every way. Lackluster semen. And, disturbing even its own processing, K-2SO realized Jyn Erso deserved better than inferior semen. She did not deserve top of the line, either – 

“What boyfriend,” the man addressed again to Jyn only. “I’d heard a rumor but assumed it had to be some kind of joke. Come on – it can’t be true.” 

“I wouldn’t know,” Jyn shrugged. “Never paid much attention to rumors. Can’t say I’ve heard this one.” 

Why had Jyn Erso not acknowledged the Major’s claim on her? And, if it was going around the Alliance that Cassian had lowered his expectations to engage Jyn Erso in romantic congress, …. why did this insufferable man think it a joke!??!!!?!?! K-2SO felt like Cassian was being insulted. Why was it ridiculous that Cassian should be linked romantically to Jyn Erso? Why was Cassian’s happiness a joke to this man? K-2SO was using so much of its energy sources being offended for its human companion, that it almost failed to hear, 

“…That you’ve got yourself some space pirate with a terrible temper floating through the cosmos after you.” 

Jyn Erso’s brows furrowed, “A space pirate?” 

Wonderful, K-2SO flipped back through its files over everything Cassian had claimed about the said space pirate, “BIG MAN,” the droid explained trying to act convincing; it waved a hand through the air – a common trait witnessed in human storytelling techniques – but instead only managed to knock over a row of semi-cleaned glasses off the bar. K-2SO ignored the broken glasses and implored, “Burly man. Face tattoo- I believe across the whole circumference of face…. and a wide array of psychological issues we’ve yet to delve into – “ 

“Yeah, ridiculous – right? I guess some idiot was macking on ya and claims your captain told him all about Jyn Erso’s space pirate’s jealousy issues.” 

“My boyfriend and his jealousy issues,” Jyn repeated sharply in a daze. K-2SO noted her clenched fist unsure who Jyn Erso wanted to punch at the moment. Neither Cassian or the space pirate were in attendance. 

“A girl like you,” the man’s hand settled on her hips too firmly. “ – she knows how to take care of herself.” 

“Have you seen any suspicious folk around,” blabbered K-2SO louder than ever; rocking his head to the left and right to appear watchful. “Any grotesque face tattoos?”

Jyn smiled at the man before removing his arm and imploring, “I’m actually very worried about him showing up here. Maybe you should –“ 

“Seriously,” the man panted. 

“For your own safety. Like Kay said, my boyfriend has a lot of issues,” lied Jyn smoothly. 

“- a plethora of psychosis,” K-2SO added gleefully; pleased to see the man slowly backing away from the bar. K-2SO acknowledged a job well done and having properly carried out Cassian’s direct order… Jyn Erso just looked annoyed. 

“What was that about?”

“Just something between myself and the Captain.” 

“So Cassian ordered you to-“ 

“In no way,” K-2SO defended. “I… past events would indicate the Captain would not be pleased with that situation. So I fixed it.” 

“Loyal to the end, aren’t you?”

“Especially now that the Council is overlooking all that Cassian has done for the Alliance.” 

“Agreed,” replied Jyn Erso stiffly; setting her drink glass back down and scanning the cantina for their informant again. 

K-2SO ran its databank; trying to understand this sudden comradery it felt with Jyn Erso. 

“Cassian has willingly given everything for the Rebellion –“ 

“And once they have a surge in recruitment, they deem him ‘unfit for fieldwork’. Kriffing hypocrites! Like any of us are ‘fit’ anymore,” Jyn Erso was livid – and K-2SO acknowledged, had it been programmed for showcasing emotions, it would match Jyn Erso’s fury in this instance. 

“Well, they’ll soon realize their critical error,” stated K-2SO. “When they don’t get the results they’re used to – they’ll be begging Cassian to reenter the field. Maybe he’ll never be a spy again but –“ 

“Doubt he’d want to continue that lifestyle, anyways.” Jyn looked the droid over curiously. “Are we… are we really agreeing? Bonding even-?” 

“No…” 

“I’ve never had anyone – anything really - defend my ‘honor’ before. Kind of noble there, Kay.“ 

The droid felt something off in her kind words. Like some grand order of their understanding errored for Jyn Erso to be smiling so fondly in its direction. Not liking this development one bit, K-2SO dryly informed her, “You have very little honor to defend.” 

“Very true,” she nodded. 

“- You are still tense, Jyn Erso. Shall we track down that male and receive further retribution?”

Jyn Erso shook her head, “No, Kay. I couldn’t care less about that – just frustrated. I don’t like feeling like I’m being controlled. Being maneuvered into someone else’s plans just doesn’t feel natural. At least not natural for me.”

“You are referring to the Major now?”

“I… am. Giving me command while also force-feeding me his mission outlines doesn’t exactly show he thinks I’m capable in the field. It’s difficult always hearing orders- “ 

“But you are our subordinate,” complained K-2SO. When the droid noted Jyn Erso raised brow line, it self-corrected, “You are Cassian’s subordinate.” 

“And Cassian wasn’t playing the role of my ‘captain’ when he said I have a crazy boyfriend ready to kill all competition, was he?” 

“I… I…. cannot find any supplementary data in the handbook to affirm it was the role of an authority figure in an official capacity to cancel any chance of fornication for its officers -” 

“Just a conniving little master-spy playing with his toys,” Jyn hissed. She nodded to the left of the bar, “Think our Nubian just arrived –“ and she headed to greet him. And K-2SO stayed back; ascertaining that Jyn Erso felt compelled to do this part alone. 

When the crew exited their ship back on Hoth, Cassian Andor was waiting; attempting to look too casual as he leaned against the wall. His arms crossed and gaze lowered like he’d not been watching the skies for any sign of their shuttle approaching. But K-2SO had witnessed its human pacing even from the cockpit. And the droid suspected Jyn Erso had also seen him as she ran through landing protocol with Bodhi Rook. 

At the end of the ramp, the Major obediently waited; eyes fixed on Jyn Erso as if scanning for any crucial error – her scowl as she deposited a datachip into his hand seemed enough to alert Cassian that nothing had been resolved in their dispute magically overnight. 

“Valk seems adamant on the location of the wells,” reported Jyn rigidly in lieu of a formal debriefing with her superior officer. 

“Oh no,” Bodhi looked between his friends. “Are you guys still fighting?”

“We were never fighting,” replied Cassian stubbornly. 

“We are now,” Jyn answered. Hands on her hips, Jyn rounded on the Major, “Because not only are you a control freak micro-managing the mission I was meant to be team leader on, but I’ve also learned you’ve started a rumor that I’m having an affair with some type of underworld leader – “ 

“Space pirate,” K-2SO corrected; taking its rightful place next to the couple. 

Cassian stared her straight on but said nothing, forcing Jyn to entreat, “Is it true?” 

“I recall – maybe… something along the lines.“ 

“Is it true, Cassian? 

“I was trying to protect you!” 

“Bad choice of defense,” observed K-2SO. 

“So Jyn didn’t have a space pirate boyfriend,” asked Bodhi a little disappointed. 

“Bodhi, I’ve never met a space pirate in my life – not even sure what that title entails.” 

“Well obviously he’d be a pirate in space; roaming the galaxy. Looting cargo ships and seducing nubile young maidens with his roguish charm- “ 

“You’ve put a lot of thought into my supposed space pirate, haven’t you Bodhi?”

“Yeah – seemed really cool. Kind of disappointed I won’t be meeting him someday… cause, ya know… not real.” 

“And you’ve also disappointed Bodhi’s dreams of space piracy,” Jyn accused in Cassian’s direction. 

“- I gave you a ‘cool’ imaginary boyfriend, though. Someone exciting, and worthy of your… awe inspiring self,” muttered Cassian in a pitiful excuse. 

“And I was starting to worry,” Bodhi spoke up. “About the space pirate turning up and dueling Cassian over you. I mean… would have been exciting to witness. But I’d have missed Cassian…. So everything is good again, right?”

Cassian looked like he’d been slapped, “Bodhi, you think I’d have died? Seriously – I am a former spymaster and remain one of the most strategic soldiers…” 

“It would have been a close match,” Bodhi assured the Major. 

Jyn started to back away, “Well I’m off. Please continue to debate who’d have won the battle between Cassian and the fictitious pirate HE invented to effectively cockblock me for the past year, boys!”

Bodhi Rook appeared more than willing to continue, “I saw dusk,” he told Cassian. “- here on Hoth. So you’d have the cold weather advantage. You’d face each other over a field of snow; blasters thrown to the side as he insists you settle this ‘bare fisted’—“ 

“Sounds epic, Bodhi,” praised Cassian preoccupied as he shuffled after Jyn Erso. K-2SO managed a supportive ‘thumbs up’ to the pilot before following Cassian to search out Jyn Erso. 

“It was a mistake,” Cassian called behind her. “I’ll be the first to admit, I wasn’t handling my emotions well –“ 

“And apparently ‘not handling your emotions well’ means not handling them at all, in this case,” Jyn Erso spat at them over her shoulder; picking up her pace and knocking other Rebels to the side as she marched for her cabin. “Just underhandedly keeping me contained in the odd event you grew a pair and talked to me directly!” 

“I didn’t want to be THAT guy,” Cassian loudly proclaimed. “- To exploit the fact we were stuck traveling in a small shuttle together for over a year – and imagine how creepy I might have come off? The lurking Captain circling you when there was no place to escape my advances; using my authority over you to –“ 

“I’ve never felt you had authority over me,” Jyn argued. “And this: telling people I had a jealous space pirate stalking me around the galaxy? Oh, far less creepy, Cassian!”

“In hindsight, I realize –“ 

“How many people did you tell,” Jyn Erso demanded; spinning around to face the Major. 

Cassian gulped, “One.” 

“Only one?”

“Initially: one. When I realized it was having my desired effects… maybe ten more?”

“Eleven people!”

Cassian shrugged, “After awhile it had became a sort of default setting and I –“ 

“And I saw these men, Jyn Erso,” defended K-2SO. “None of them were genetically advantageous for you. In all probability, three of them wouldn’t have sired offspring with the possibility of extra appendages or severe genetic defects.” 

“Quiet, Kay,” both humans ordered; glaring at each other instead. 

“I was just attempting to end this argument before either of you – “ 

“We’re not arguing,” Cassian screamed back. “We’re having a discussion so as to understand the other’s feelings –“ 

“I understand your feelings perfectly,” Jyn exclaimed; shuffling backwards to her cabin door. “You’re emotional stunted. Incapable of admitting how long you’ve wanted me. So, to disguise this, you invented an alter ego ‘pirate’ character in your place. A person who admitted freely what he wanted and took it; who lived a life of freedom and selfishness. Who probably ripped my clothes off and ravaged me during our first encounter. K-2SO, what’s the probability that Cassian’s ‘space pirate’ was a self-insert?” 

“If it helps end this fight: roughly 74%,” reported the droid. “Although I require Cassian to submit to a questionnaire to fully determine his state of mind prior to -” 

“This is a fight,” Jyn declared before slamming her cabin door. 

“This isn’t a fight,” insisted Cassian. “- And I love you.” 

K-2SO felt its wires frying at Cassian’s declaration – waiting nervously for Jyn Erso to emerge; wrapping her arms around the Major and declaring she loved him as well. But both the droid and Cassian waited for nothing. The cabin door remained closed and Jyn Erso made no reply to the perfectly acceptable declaration. 

When K-2SO noticed the Major’s confusion, it observed, “The doors are made of reinforced durasteel in case of blaster fire. Perhaps Jyn Erso did not hear you say –“ 

“Kay –“ 

“Truly. And the Base generates so much white noise patterns that could easily render hearing impaired. And, frankly with Jyn Erso’s trigger happy fingers, it’s possible she’s suffered some irreparable ear damage after obsessive blaster-use,” K-2SO did not think the Major was compelled by these excuses. Cassian just continued to stare at Jyn Erso’s door; willing it to open again. 

“She’s not coming out,” the droid finally admitted; wondering if it should dismantle the door and drag Jyn Erso out kicking and screaming. All for the Major’s benefit, of course. 

“Nope,” sighed Cassian. “She’s not coming out.” 

“I can have Verty stop by your cabin to examine your ‘datafile retention’ finally,” offered the droid hopefully. 

“No,” the Major ordered sternly. Cassian’s eyes floated back to the cabin door – but he rapidly turned and marched away; back to the control room to throw himself into work. 

“Jyn Erso,” K-2SO knocked loudly against her door. “I insist you come out here and –“ 

“GO AWAY.” 

“You are being irrational,” the droid chastised through the metal door. “And you are not supposed to get this severe until your third day of menstruation.” 

“I’m seriously in the mood to blow your head off,” Jyn screamed through the door. 

K-2SO released its sighing noise, “That would only force more work onto the Major having to repair me – again.” 

“Good!” 

K-2SO would not serve as Jyn Erso’s target practice – because there were dire concerns that needed to be researched. With another imitation of a human sigh, K-2SO bounded away; searching out Cassian’s cabin as a quiet place to surf through databanks. An unexplored concept seemed to contaminate regular mating rituals and increased both subjects’ irrational levels: LOVE. 

What was LOVE? And why did Cassian seem to think declaring such a pathetic state answered all Jyn Erso’s concerns?


	6. REINSTATED CABIN CHECKS

02\. 48. 09 hours – COMMENCEMENT OF REINSTATED SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECKS. MAJOR HAS ERRORED IN ORDERING, “STOP SINGLING OUT JYN.” SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECKS NOW INCLUDE ENTIRE ROGUE ONE ROSTER. SUBJECT ONE – SGT. ERSO. 

If K-2SO was too unsettled by today’s developments to power off in the evening hours, why should it allow the humans any similar courtesy? 

Starting with Jyn Erso. The droid rerouted the encryption on her door’s lock. It was vital that Jyn Erso realized K-2SO could have just let the Major inside earlier. With or without her permission. Perhaps that was as close as the droid would come to ‘thoughtfulness’ in regards to her?

K-2SO started flickering the lights; releasing the siren sound that always beckoned an intense reaction from Jyn Erso. 

“What are you – I’m still prepared to shoot on sight, Kay,” and she started fumbling through her duffle for a blaster; stumbling with tired hands... What was on Jyn Erso’s face? Evidence of some liquid leaking from her eyes? 

“SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK FOR ERSO –“ 

“Cassian swore to me you’d stop!” 

“Major Andor made a critical error in his phrasing. Critical…. AGILITY LEVELS LOW. SUBJECT UNDULY HOSTILE—” 

“Hostile? Just wait until I tell Cassian you won’t stop!” 

“For that to occur, you’d have to speak with the Major,” K-2SO nudged the door open again. “You could head for his cabin now. And attempt to actualize his statement’s error. Maybe provide a satisfactory answer to Cassian’s chemical imbalance.” 

A groggy Jyn asked, “What chemical imbalance?”

“Cassian submitted substantiation of romantic sentiments –“ 

“He loves me,” Jyn pulled a pillow against her head. The droid could vaguely make out the sound of muffled screams before Jyn rolled to face the wall. Apprehensively, K-2SO closed the cabin door; taking two strides to reach Jyn’s cot before lowering itself to sit on the edge of her bed. The cot buckled under the droid’s massive weight; forcing Jyn Erso’s small frame to lurch upward. She glared over her shoulder at K-2SO – a normal shared state between them. Mimicking a human comforting mechanism, the droid raised a hand and lowered it repeatedly against Jyn Erso’s shoulder. 

“Ouch,” she shrieked, making K-2SO note the pressure of its comforting ‘slightly’ too intense for human contact. It would adjust for future subjects. 

“There, there,” the droid attempted to soothe. “I’m disappointed with Cassian, too. But we need to work together to realign his oxygen levels. What I’d assumed was a protein insufficiency has proven dangerously severe. I accept the blame for misdiagnosis and ask that we –“ 

Liquid was leaking from her eyes again. Jyn Erso sat up and declared, “Why are you like THIS?“ 

“Cassian. Cassian admitted he’d rushed through certain procedures of my reprograming—and was not as mechanically inclined as I’d have appreciated. But he did manage to stick to one central theme: FREE-WILL. When Cassian’s training offered up new mechanical knowledge, he did offer to ‘tweak’ certain settings. But we were both unsure if that would bypass other functions and overall serve to regulate me to a more ordinary droid. And neither myself or the Major entertained the possibility that I might not be fully ‘me’ afterwards—” 

Jyn Erso. Crying. Humans shed moisture from their lacrimal apparatus. Often a result of some obstruction in their vision. A speck of dust – “Is your cabin dusty, Jyn Erso? Perhaps it could be beneficial to clean during your free-time? And I’m sure there’s some sort of subordinate for even your rank here on Hoth. You could issue them to undertake a brief dusting and –“ 

Jyn Erso’s eyes were wide and glassy – her chin struggling not to tremor as she fired back, “And what are you insulting me about now?” 

K-2SO shrugged dramatically, “Your face wouldn’t be wet if your cabin was cleaned properly.” 

“I wouldn’t be crying if Cassian hadn’t just announced something so important – he loves me? And just decides to say it. Just like that. And what happens now? How long until he stops –“ 

“And I’ve already said we’ll solve this conundrum together. For example: an emergency oxygen tank. We have an older model back on the ship. If I were to start supplying Cassian additional oxygen – in his sleep, perhaps? We may have Cassian Andor back to normal by the end of this lunar cycle.” 

“Why can’t we just be normal,” puffed Jyn Erso in frustration. “Hold hands, kiss in public, have sex. Lots of sex –“ 

“You are implying a need for Cassian to progress to more physical intimacies?”

Jyn groaned, “I’m saying: I need to see mild-interest when I continually try to jump his bones. He always has some excuse and it’s getting so –“ 

K-2SO was already on his feet and opening the door, “I will tell Cassian of these findings.” 

“Wait,” Jyn Erso called back. “You’d better not tell him –“ 

The droid did a quick update of its system: JYN ERSO’S SEXUAL FRUSTRATION FAILS TO MASK DEEP-SEEDED ABANDONMENT ISSUES. REPRODUCTION SERVES A PRIMAL NEED TO GUARANTEE MATE REMAINS AT LEAST DURATION OF GESTATION PERIOD. WARNING SIGNS EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE… …. … … 

Bodhi Rooks’ cabin was nearest. The droid entered swiftly; flicking the lights and implementing the siren sound. 

“Wow,” the pilot threw his blankets back excitedly. “So this is a cabin check? Jyn told us all about this –“ 

“Subject is supposed to remain silent until I start,” K-2SO explained; disappointed that this seemed to be a pleasant experience for one member of their crew. “SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK CLEARED. ROOK AT ATTENTION WITH –“ the man was already buttoning a thick jacket; boots long tied and highly alert. “- 81% AGILITY.” 

“Great,” cheered the pilot. “… that’s good, right? What would I need to work on to get a higher score?”

“Be a droid,” replied K-2SO as it exited the cabin; cringing when it heard a ‘thank you’ from Rook on the other side of the durasteel door.

Major Andor had the cabin his rank demanded, or so his droid liked to announce when Jyn Erso complained her’s lacking in any area. K-2SO nudged open ‘their’ cabin door; shuffling inside before starting the siren; blinking the lights erratically. 

“SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK,” it screeched; noting the turfs of dark hair sticking out from beneath Cassian’s blankets. “SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK….. Cassian, you’re supposed to get up and prepare for battle when I… are you really attempting to sleep through this?”

Cassian flipped the edge of his blanket over, eyes slits as they adjust to the bright, blinking lights overhead. “Kay, we talked about this –“ 

“I am no longer ‘singling’ Jyn Erso out,” argued the droid. “And you should take pride that Rook managed an outstanding performance of 81% agility.” The droid sat at the edge of a cot again; patting Cassian’s mounded body under the blankets reassuringly. “Jyn Erso wishes to engage in sexual congress with you –“ 

The Major sat up; all tiredness dissolved as he gazed towards the doorway – almost as if K-2SO had brought him a sexual aroused Jyn Erso at three in the morning hours. What kind of a droid did these humans think K-2SO was? 

“Did she say –“ 

“Jyn Erso wants to be inseminated. Claims to have made advances in the past. While I completely understand confusion over what Jyn Erso probably considers seduction techniques, I unfortunately must report her wishes are… ….. …. primal in nature. Which brings my line of questioning back to yourself? Are you having difficulties?” 

“Difficulties,” asked Cassian confused. 

“Difficulties with your penis,” observed the droid; narrowing its electronic eyes to where Cassian’s member might be underneath blankets. “I’ve observed the blood flow – however, I acknowledge there may be other performance issues than achieving an erection. Are you afraid of Jyn Erso’s ridicule if you ejaculate too quickly? Because I can attest her standards aren’t high in that regard. Or is it about Jyn Erso’s apparent sexual aggression? And she has had more sexual partners in the past two years than you… are you feeling out of practice? Compared to her? Want to discuss different positions and foreplay options?”

“We are not talking about foreplay.” 

The droid sighed, “I’m offering a nonjudgmental outlet for you to vocalize any fears.” 

Cassian laughed under his breath, “Nonjudgmental. You, Kay?”

“I’ve endured listening to Jyn Erso’s side. Now I’m here for yours.”

“And what did Jyn say? Did she… she could hear me, right? Through the door? She knows I said I love—“ 

“Cannot confirm at this time,” the droid lied. “But she wants your penis. Inside her… genital in genital.“ K-2SO straightened its metal hands outward to Cassian; shaping the left into a hole and demonstrating penetration with the longest finger of its right hand – trying to be generous of Cassian’s own size. The droid meshed hands together. The clank of metal issuing one of Cassian’s eyebrows to rise in terror. Maybe its human was starting to understand? 

Cassian shuddered at the display, “I should have tweaked your wiring back when I had a chance.” 

K-2SO ignored that, “Is stamina an issue? Or do you feel you’d be lackluster with your cracked tibia? Because they’re a variety of positions I’ve downloaded which could work with your impediment. Jyn Erso is athletically inclined and can take over the majority of the movement involved in human fornication. However, I’ve not witnessed flexibility in Jyn Erso. Perhaps I should upload these positions to her datapad so she can practice before your copulation- “

“No,” commanded the Major. “You will not be uploading any of your sex tips to Jyn’s datapad. Or encourage her to try anything with anyone –“ 

“No, I imagined her solo- “ 

“Not with the smuggler, Kay! You are not to suggest Jyn goes anywhere near Han Solo’s –“ 

“I wasn’t suggesting she tried the positions with other carnal playmates. Just Jyn Erso, in her cabin, stretching… so when you’re erect there will be no lapse between foreplay and insemination. Just get in, get out, and get over this –“ 

“Enough, Kay,” order Cassian as he rubbed his eyes. “What… what did I tell you? Jyn and I are together. We’re a unit and will resolve this ourselves without your data.” 

“My research, and your behavior, suggests that Jyn Erso is essential to your ideals of contentment –“ 

“Yep, Jyn makes me happy. And I’m figuring out how to make her happy too.” 

“Statistics continue to show the chances of this ‘unit’ failing miserably are 72.742% _____”

“And seeing how my new biggest fear continues to be screwing up my happiness and future, thanks for bringing that up again, Kay.” 

“It used to be mission failure. What you feared the most. And we shared the drive for statistical absolutes.” 

Cassian looked up at the droid; patting a hand against K-2SO’s metal arm. “I always assumed I’d die for the Rebellion, Kay.” 

“Still highly probable,” alerted the droid. “Even taking on a more sedentary role within the Rebellion, Hoth could be located by the Empire and attacked at any moment. You could catch a rare illness you lack immunities to fight. You could be –“ 

“I get it: death lurks all around me. But, for the first time, I… want a future. Beyond war.”

“Jyn Erso would be part of that future?”

“Yes. As will you – if you want to be, that is.”

“I……… I am… willing to adjust my plans for your future. To allow you to fully realize this Jyn Erso fixation.”

“What does that mean, Kay,” groaned Cassian. 

“The details will be downloaded to your datapad at a later date,” K-2SO rose and headed for the door. “There remains preliminary research before I can arrive at a sound outcome… for all of us.” 

“So I can sleep –“ 

“You may attempt,” exited the droid. It marched down the empty hallways – running a statistical scenario where Cassian and Jyn Erso survive the war. Projecting for both subject’s families’ pre-war careers and lifestyles, the first exhibited the pair working farmland. Mid-Rim. Jyn Erso proved impossible with livestock and Cassian killed every plant they attempted to cultivate. They did manage to produce six offspring. All eight humans perished as a result of the parents’ horrible farming skills. 

DETER ANY INTEREST IN FARMING FROM CASSIAN, the droid alerted itself. 

But the Mid-Rim did house some desirable practices. The culture of the Mid-Rim allowed for polyamorous couplings. K-2SO submitted what it had learned of Verty’s background – and the Amazon from the Rebel summit – and found Cassian and Jyn’s odds of survival as farmers increased drastically with the inclusion of the two other women. And limited offspring birthed by Jyn Erso to just a 2.54 average. It also allowed for K-2SO to have seven viable options for future human companions – none of which linked to Jyn Erso’s DNA. 

POLYAMOROUS, mused the droid. It needed to collect data on committed couples and resolve if this was a likely outcome for Cassian’s future. 

Baze and Chirrut shared quarters. The many times K-2SO questioned the practice of two men sharing a bed, Cassian told the droid to ‘shut up’. Still, cabin checks might prove informative about the Guardians’ relations. Opening the door, the droid did not flicker the lights – just turned them on and regarded the two men sleeping in a narrow cot together; Baze’s arms encircled the blind monk and held him close as they slept. 

“Luckily, I did not interrupt mid-coitus,” the droid announced itself; starting to blink the lighting. However, it had overestimated the effects. Lights flickering did not bother the blind sleeping monk – just his gruff counterpart. 

“I shall interview both of you for my research,” K-2SO continued. “I’m trying to collect data on human couplings and fail to understand the practicality of two men –“ 

“Get out,” Baze ordered. “- It’s just Andor’s droid,” he then whispered gently down to Chirrut. 

Chirrut raised an eyebrow, “Why?” 

“Already stated I’m collecting data on human reproductive practices and need to understand what… this is….” 

“Very rude there, droid,” answered Baze. 

Chirrut relaxed, “It’s just curious.” 

“You are both male. Sexual emissions do not result in the creation of offspring. So you’ve decided to pair off based on some other primal need. What is it?”

Baze watched K-2SO dangerously from against the wall. Chirrut only shrugged, “No – not all humans just pair off to procreate. Humans are a bit more complicated than that.” 

“Research shows a history of humans pairing off to increase chances of survival. Does that factor?”

Chirrut thoughtfully pondered, “Maybe to start. But, whatever the gender, it was the same sequence you’d observe in all couples. Mutual attraction led to fondness. Circumstance had us spending a great deal of time together. Respect grew. An understanding of the other’s needs led to both of us working to ensure the other remained safe.” 

“It’s called love, droid,” concluded Baze. 

“I know, I know – the firing off of endorphins and other neurochemicals into the amygdala,” drawled K-2SO. 

“No,” replied Chirrut simply. 

The droid cocked its head to the side in confusion, “No,” it asked. 

Baze explained, “The chemicals and attraction only takes you so far. Love comes after. It was a conscious decision: I knew I wanted to commit to this. That he was love for me.” 

“So it is possible that – completely hypothetical here – that someone might be confusing the chemical reactions and declare themselves ‘in love’ when they aren’t really –“ 

“Pretty certain Major Andor is in love,” replied Chirrut. “The whole base has been gossiping about their argument and I think –“ 

“The Major would not like it widely know,” cautioned K-2SO. 

“Too late,” mumbled Baze with a smirk. 

“- is he worried because Jyn didn’t reply,” Chirrut asked. 

K-2SO straightened its back protectively, “Jyn Erso did not hear the Major say –“ 

“Sure,” Chirrut smiled. “— Sure.” 

K-2SO did not appreciate the knowing smile from the blind monk – or how his partner smirked. Edging out of the cabin, the droid announced, “SPONTANEOUS CABIN CHECK FAILED. NEITHER SUBJECT HELPFUL. NEITHER READY FOR COMBAT. AND NEITHER –“ 

“Night, night, crazy droid,” said Baze. 

K-2SO felt its circuits shorting out. It hustled to Jyn Erso’s cabin – but then rerouted itself to Bodhi Rook’s door instead. 

“Again,” the man still cheered; forcing his boots on. 

“Bodhi Rook…” started K-2SO. “It is my responsibility to ensure no one on base is spreading untrue rumors about the Major.” 

Rook looked thrilled, “Is this about the space pirate? He is real, isn’t he? I knew it! I knew he’d be coming for Jyn. And Cassian will have to—“ 

“The space pirate is completely a self-insert of Cassian’s. We’ve already established that. But have you heard any more rumors tonight? About Cassian and… Jyn Erso for example?”

“Oh – tons! Most of the time they’re all people talk about! Most recently, I’ve heard Jyn was pregnant with twins—“ 

“That’s her own little delusion,” the droid replied. 

“—and there was some debate over the father. Most agreed that, regardless of paternity, Cassian would be raising them with Jyn. But a lot of us had our hearts set on the space pirate being the real baby-daddy.” 

“You humans must get bored easily,” observed the droid.

“On an ice planet? Yeah, things get dull fast.”

“Focus! Anything new? Like in the past five hours—“ 

“You mean that Cassian told Jyn he loves her? Like that?”

“NO! That never happened! That’s ridiculous! STOP IT! Next person to bring it up, tell them it never happened and never –“ 

“So Cassian didn’t tell Jyn he loved her and the twins? Vowing to stay with them forever… even if they were sired by some space pirate?”

“… I cannot even mock you anymore…. “ 

“Thank you!” 

“It wasn’t a compliment,” K-2SO headed for the door. “Again: if you hear any further rumors, as part of this team, it is your duty to denounce them for the slander they are –“ Bodhi Rook was typing rapidly on a datapad; a serene smile on his face. “What are you writing?”

The pilot drew the tablet against his chest to block the screen, “Nothing!” 

“Jyn Erso is not having twins. Cassian isn’t in love. There is no space pirate,” the droid repeated itself firmly. “—and Cassian will certainly never be the cuckold of some jilting space pirate’s progeny!” 

“Right-O,” the pilot saluted. K-2SO was almost confident the pilot understood his duty for the team – but still heard the unmistakable dinging of a keypad as it exited the cabin. 

“Jyn Erso,” the droid entered her cabin; flicking on the lights and closing the door swiftly. “I will be assuring the Major that you heard nothing.”

Jyn Erso sat up; wrapping a blanket around her shoulders and asked, “Nothing?”

“Nothing. No confession. The entirety of Echo Base heard of it by now. But not you. This should supply you the necessary time to make adjustments to your person – while not leaving Cassian humiliated.” 

“I never want Cassian humiliated,” agreed Jyn Erso unflinchingly. “Or upset. It just caught me off guard and I’m… not ready to reply. Not yet.” 

“I’ve already recruited Bodhi Rook to assist running interference. And I’m more than capable of threatening violence and/or blackmail should anyone bring this matter up in the vicinity of Cassian.”

“Okay,” Jyn Erso replied as she shook herself awake; waiting patiently for more. 

“You are similar,” the droid observed. “But going about this mess in different ways.”

“Never thought I’d ask this but: please, elaborate, Kay,” sneered Jyn. 

“The first time I saw Cassian cry,” the droid prepped. “I had been practicing ‘human interpersonal gestures’ after the reprograming and clasped him on the arm. Cassian claimed he’d not been touched like that in years—“ 

“This is going to be creepy, isn’t it?”

The K-2SO ignored her, “Did you know Festians live in close-knit family groups?” 

“Since I know practically nothing about Fest and only one Festian – no.” 

“An entire settlement is usually just one extended family. So when stormtroopers arrived to clear-out one settlement for their ammunitions factory, they were really eradicating an entire family’s genetic history. All except for a six-year-old –”

“Cassian,” Jyn Erso guessed in a low voice. 

“He’d gone back into the battle to assist his – a suppose in Basic it would be his maternal-grandmother – out of the wreckage. Thought he’d succeeded, too. They were holding hands, Cassian leading the way, when he realized her grip had gone lax. It sounds like it had been a clean shot. Instantaneous death.” 

Jyn Erso cleared her throat, “Thank you. For telling me. I’d assumed – but he’s always so vague about the past –“ 

“He feels everyone at this point has their ‘sob’ stories of loss. Why bring up his own?” 

Jyn Erso seemed to be pondering the tale; eyes darting down to her hands. K-2SO heard her mutter, “Similar,” quietly to herself. 

“Indeed. Very similar. Pre-adolescent versions of you both would have much to discuss. And, since neither adult counterpart seems willing to ‘discuss’ at this point, you are similarly chasing the same outcome: assurances that you won’t be left alone again. I explained to Cassian, when he was twenty-one, that he might need to pursue some level of therapy for his past traumas. He claimed I was just over-involved –“ 

“Little did twenty-one year old Cassian realize how ‘over-involved’ you’d become.” 

“Cassian is seeking reassurances through vocalized emotional commitment. You are seeking more biological means –“ 

“He won’t even fondle my breasts. Undershirt. Cassian even blew on his hands to warm them up – but still claimed it was too cold and I’d just be uncomfortable. What the –“ 

“Data strongly suggests termination of this attempted partnership…” 

Jyn Erso stiffly answered, “Not happening!”

“Then clearly some sort of compromise, on both your parts, will have to be made.” 

Jyn Erso nodded at the suggestion, laying back down, “Night, Kay –“ 

“I have also decided to update my original plan to allow Cassian and yourself to procreate ONE OFFSPRING. You are welcome.” 

“…. How? How does that seem NORMAL! Or even a possibility in your databank? I cannot supply the emotional support of saying, “I love you” back. And Cassian cannot submit to physical intimacy…” 

“Well, I never said this offspring would be well-adjusted! Far from it, if this algorithm of mine is anything to go on. But—I have reached the conclusion… the data suggests you are something vital to Cassian.” 

She actually smiled back at the droid, “And he’s vital to me too.” 

Data now reeling at this admittance, the droid padded its way back to the cabin it shared with Cassian – making a point of not turning the lights on this time. Just nudging into its corner to prepare for charging – but it sensed its human awake. In the dark, the droid could make out Cassian watching from the cot. 

“I can confirm that – in no way did Jyn Erso hear ANYTHING through that durasteel door. Chances are 00.35566% that she could hear an emergency alert from inside her cabin. Very poor hearing! We shall both have to take this into account for future missions.” 

Cassian appeared to relax again; slipping back into sleep, “Thanks, Kay.” 

 

The scene during breakfast had the majority of Rogue One sluggish. K-2SO took the seat next to the Major, primly announcing, “I underwent an emergency power-down last night – replenishing my charge from backup energy supply. Took a fraction of the time and I am now at 100% alertness.” 

None of the humans could boast such a state– Jyn Erso seemed particularly annoyed at the droid and Cassian cautioned K-2SO to ‘be quiet, Kay’. Bodhi Rook was leaning his forehead against his arm; fighting to stay awake over his plate. 

“You okay, Bodhi,” the Major inquired. 

“Yeah… “ the pilot shook himself awake again. “Cabin checks… very cool. Love feeling involved… and gave me the time to finish my fanfic…” 

“What,” demanded Jyn from Cassian’s other side. 

“…. Nothing. Finished some mission reports.” 

“Look forward to reading them,” said Cassian; clearly not really listening. His eyes zeroed in to Jyn Erso’s hand on the table. The droid watched – waiting for Cassian to reprimand that she should keep her hands off the surface. It was considered bad etiquette for humans… but the Major rested his hand on top instead; an uncertain touch like he was ready at any moment to pull back. Cassian almost flinched when Jyn turned her hand over so their palms caressed – her fingers interlacing with Cassian’s.

“I’ve been forming complex mission plans since I was eight,” Cassian muttered to her. “It’s… how I coped. With everything. Analyzing every outcome and backup plan. Probably the only thing that kept me alive before I met Kay. But… I realize how condescending if may appear and will reframe from submitting my outlines to you—“ 

“Unless I ask for them,” replied Jyn. 

“Unless you ask for them,” Cassian agreed. “And… I’m not going anywhere. Not willingly – not without you.” 

Jyn seemed to be stumbling over her thoughts before voicing, “And if you do, I’ll be hunting you down.” 

Cassian laughed at that; asking, “And killing me?”

She shook her head, “Nope. Not to kill you.”

WAS THIS CONSIDERED PROGRESS IN HUMAN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATIONS BETWEEN SUBJECTS, journaled the droid later that day. THEY BOTH ARE TERRIBLE AT IT. …. ….. …… …. .. . . MUST LOOK INTO THE OUTER RIM’S NOTION OF HAREMS. THE MAJOR DESERVES A HAREM.


	7. 'Tale of Two Captains'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so horrible about replying to people's comments. Please know they're all very appreciated and have inspired me greatly for this story! So - a gift to all of you who are reading and reviewing: a snipet of Bodhi Rook's masterpiece, 'Tale of Two Captains'. Maybe not a complete 'spin-off' but I'm definitely interested in including more of Bodhi's 85 chapter epic love story in the future. He swears if it ever gets published after the war, he'll be changing names. But hasn't yet...

The wind lashed loose trestles of hairs across Jyn’s face as the rain pelted down upon the couple. Cassian clutched her chin upward to meet his gaze; sweeping away the hair so he could see her clear and unblemished. Their bodies flush; pressed against each other in desperate need.

“Stay,” Cassian whispered with the wind; a soft command but also a promise.

Jyn’s chin tremored. Neither knew if the streaks of water against her cheeks were tears or the rain but Cassian brushed them away with his thumbs just the same; angling his body to shield Jyn from the fierce gale brewing around them.

“I can’t,” Jyn choked back a sob; turning her face away; fearing the Captain would too easily notice her hesitation. Cassian had always been able to read her like a datapad: as clear and concise as any mission report he’d ever composed. When she turned back, her face was resolute. Determined in her chosen path – even if it took her light years away from her Rebel Captain. Her love, she realized now. Too late for either of their happiness.

After the hours of torment – of being torn between two captains as different as night and day, it now seemed a ridiculously simple choice. It had always been Cassian for her. Cassian was home: safety, warmth, and compassion. Captain Horatio had only ever been chaos – stretching her further and further to her limits; spanning her around the galaxy in a frenzy. But never home.

“He will never let us be, Cassian,” stressed Jyn mournfully. She threw her head back, sneaking a glance to the hanger where her ride off this planet started its engine. “Wherever I go, Horatio will not stop until he has me again –“

Cassian’s grip tightened; unrelenting as he cursed the pirate in Festian under his breath, “I will die before that happens!”

Jyn shook her head; swallowing back tears, “And I’d die if anything happens to you. Even if we cannot be together, Cassian, just knowing you’re alive in this galaxy… that’s all I need to find peace in this lifetime.”

“I’ll leave the Rebellion,” promised Cassian quickly. “We can leave together – travel the galaxy together.”

“And what,” spat Jyn heatedly. “Live the rest of our lives watching our backs for Horatio? Waiting for his newest attack? He’d never leave us in peace, Cassian! A space pirate doesn’t have to listen to the word ‘no’.”

“We’ll make him listen!“

Jyn released a sigh; staring into Cassian’s eyes and willing to exist in a world she believed could be that hopeful: to travel the galaxy with the man she loved – a life full of adventure and happiness. Somewhere far away from this war. Somewhere Captain Horatio couldn’t follow. Her stomach – still flat – rubbed against Cassian’s. And she imagined her children, as well. The twins growing inside her. Still hidden from this dangerous world – and either of their possible fathers. Jyn closed her eyes and imagined two babies with warm brown eyes; who could laugh and smile. Who knew they were loved by an honorable man who’d never leave them. Who was selfless. Too soon, the eyes turn a piercing blue. And their twins became another prop that Horatio could hold over her – to trap her with.

Even this unexpected pregnancy – something Jyn should embrace as the Force’s will and Fate– was tainted by Horatio; at even the possibility of his involvement.

Jyn forced her body away from Cassian; unable to bear more contact.

“This isn’t your battle to fight,” she sulked. When she saw his mouth open to reply she quickly continued, “And this – this Rebellion – isn’t mine, either! I’ve done my part, what the council asked of me. I shouldn’t have stayed this long…”

“Stay,” Cassian repeated again; drawing her forward for a searing kiss. Their final kiss, Jyn thought sadly. She opened her eyes at the end; studying his face – his tightly shut eyes – and begged herself to remember what he looked like in this moment. She would store that image away; filed next to how content he’d looked earlier this morning sprawled across their bed. Whatever the galaxy had in store for Jyn Erso next, she knew those images would be revisited for the rest of her life. Time and time again.

“We’ll always have Yavin 4,” Jyn whispered against his mouth; pressing one more kiss to the side of his mouth before stepping backwards. Jyn shouldered her duffle and headed for the shuttle’s ramp.

“I LOVE YOU,” she heard him callout. “I’ll always love you.”

Jyn Erso marched on; hoping maybe Cassian would just assume his declaration was drowned out by the wind and rain.

“YOU ARE A PART OF ME, Jyn Erso,” she heard Cassian promise as the latch closed; leaving the words echoing against the metal of the ship. PART OF ME. PART OF ME. PART OF ME.

And you are a part of me, Jyn thought back. She placed a hand over her womb and mused that, maybe, Cassian always would be. For that reason alone Jyn had to distance herself. Horatio’s threats still sharp as a knife. “I’ll KILL the Rebel,” he’d screamed. All roguish charm and carefree ease extinguished by irrational jealousy and the need to possess Jyn utterly. Forever.

Jyn sat against the window; feeling the jolt of the engine as they started to embark – she turned and watched the rain splatter against the glassed pane. Her hand – almost on its own accord – spread out atop the glass. Jyn’s heart constricted when she recognized the silhouette of a man still standing in the downpour; hunched over in the wind. Wet hair wilted against his face but Cassian Andor continued to watch her shuttle rise in the air.

Her heart shattered to splinters when Cassian raised his own hand; mirroring her gesture – Goodbye my love, Jyn muttered to herself; wondering if she had a heart left at this point.

* * *

 

Bodhi Rook finished his reading; looking around to the three other soldiers piled across his cot; all faces long and pensive at this newest chapter’s rough draft.

“So, it’s a work in progress,” Bodhi stammered. “But – I just wanted to gauge interest in… having Jyn and Cassian part like that. …Thoughts?

Shara Bey cleared her throat, “I’d like to start with: HOW DARE YOU!”

Verty Slazer nodded; wiping her cheeks and coughing a bit.

The newest member to their little club, Cadet Trudy Martks, admitted, “I’ve been team Horatio since the start. I loved his wild spirit – and how he really helped Jyn explore herself sexually… but you’ve really built up how it was really all this façade for an over-controlling, jealous monster who doesn’t respect women’s own agency and power –“

“And Cassian respects her,” billowed Verty with a sob. “Cassian admires Jyn’s prowess. He wants her to have her own thoughts and ideals – even when he’s holding her tightly against him…”

“Ah,” groaned Shara unconvinced.

“Come on,” Verty replied. “Everyone’s rooting for Cassjyn at this point… aren’t they?”

Shara countered, “I’m a little bored of the sex scenes with Cassian, actually –“

“FEEDBACK,” Bodhi acknowledged happily; looking up at Shara for her to continue.

“I’m just… I get Cassian’s the more appropriate partner. For Jyn at this point. But the sex scenes are too stale, Bodhi. Missionary. Missionary. Missionary. Missionary. … Maybe once reverse-spacegirl but –“

“And the mutual oral sex-session in chapter 68,” inquired Bodhi.

“I mean, it was hot,” Shara agreed. “But I want a bit more passion – get you some, Cassian! And Jyn. After learning so much naughty shit from Horatio… I expected her, at least, to be raunchier. More creative with Cassian. Maybe pass on some of Horatio’s techniques to Cassian. Form this perfect man who is both wounded, broken and lost … but also committed, passionate, and sexy as hell.”

“TRAIN CASSIAN IN SEXUAL ARTS,” Bodhi made note of.

Trudy observed, “I just… it’s amazing, Bodhi. That you got to lay witness to probably the greatest love story of our time. You’d never guess, looking at the pair –“

“I sat across from Cassian in a meeting yesterday,” interrupted Verty. “The whole time the Major scolded us for overusing our limited supplies here on Hoth, all I could think about is how tender he is with Jyn. He must really love her!”

“I want my own Cassian,” Trudy admitted with a blush.

“AND JYN,” countered Verty. “She is the bravest human being –“

“Pregnant. With twins. And fighting side by side with her man,” Shara boomed in praise. “Could she be anymore of a badass?”

“And she certainly doesn’t show,” Verty observed. “Amazing body still!”

Bodhi waved his hand; trying to bring the conversation back to his fanfic – realizing yet again he should have changed the names of his crewmembers before sharing his story with other Rebels.

“Can we… focus again,” Bodhi asked the women. “Now, how are we feeling about the story drawing to a natural close?”

“It’s not really, is it,” complained Verty. “The twins haven’t even been born yet.”

“It is titled, ‘TALE OF TWO CAPTAINS’ – ,” Bodhi started.

“So we’re heading towards the final showdown between Horatio and Cassian,” asked Trudy.

“No,” Verty shook her head. “It has to be between Jyn and Horatio. She is a strong, independent woman. Jyn has to be the one to end this hold Horatio has over her.”

Bodhi swiftly added more notes under his outline for the duel between the two Captains. Interrupted by Jyn? No, Bodhi thought. Horatio gains the higher ground and is about to finish Cassian off when Jyn rushes in to save the day –

“But K-2SO is going to help, right,” Verty asked. “Kay-tu has been trying to bring Jyn and Cassian together since the very beginning. I kept expecting Kay-tu would turn up in the hanger and tell both of them to just be together already. That they were made for each other!”

“Does the droid know about the twins,” asked Trudy. “Cause he’s so observant! He has to let Cassian know about his possible-babies and Jyn!”

“And K-2SO is, like, the original shipper,” agreed Shara. “He’s been trying all along to get them hooked-up!”

“He’s so sweet,” gushed Verty.

“He’s like my favorite character,” admitted Trudy. “So kind to everyone!”

“Bodhi,” a voice called from behind the door – the actual Jyn Erso’s voice. Bodhi flinched; powering off his datapad before Jyn let herself inside. His friend raised an eyebrow at the three women sprawled across the cot with him.

“Sorry,” Jyn observed slowly as she surveyed the room. “I… I should have knocked.”

Jyn’s eyes rested uncomfortably long on four pairs of interlocking limbs – and Verty’s head resting on his shoulder while Shara nudged against his knee. Trudy curled around his stomach; craning her neck to look at the now blank datapad screen regardless.

“How’s downtime going,” Jyn asked the room; biting her bottom lip to mask a grin spreading. “Cassian was wondering if you’d submit a more recent flight log? He’s … doing something. Some kind of arduous record-keeping, protocol-based, statistical formatting that only he and Kay seem interested in. I stopped listening after awhile.”

“You are so brave,” declared Verty from the bed; eyes glowing in admiration of the other woman.

Jyn took praise just about as well as she usually did, “Just delivering a message for my superior officer. Just leg-work. Like a droid would do. Not our droid, obviously. Kay was adamant this kind of thing was beneath him –”

“No,” Verty shook her head; obviously embarrassed. “I meant – like, just how you live life is so inspiring!”

Jyn eyed Verty suspiciously; clearly pondering if she was being mocked or not, “How ‘bout that, Veronica,” sneered Jyn before turning her attention back to Bodhi, “Flight records. Upload them to Cassian’s dropbox. The scouts haven’t come back yet from checking our shields and he really needs something to over-analyze right now.”

Jyn was about to show herself out when Shara sat up; unwrapping herself from the others and headed for the doorway.

“Can I… I know this is a strange request and you’re probably tired of everyone asking but – “ said Shara cautiously. “May I touch your belly?”

“My belly,” Jyn repeated slowly; looking over Shara’s head to silently question Bodhi.

The female pilot tentatively reached out; caressing Jyn’s flat stomach curiously before pulling away.

“They are so lucky to have you,” Shara Bey observed with a smile.

“…….. And I should be off to make sure I deliver their message elsewhere,” Jyn backed away slowly. “Bodhi, if you need any protection – help yourself to my stock. Front pocket of my duffle. You know my keycode, right?”

“Jyn—“

“Safety first,” she remarked. “And, before you point it out, I realize there are a lot. Different types. Different sizes. Lots of different colors. I’ve been collecting them for a while – from a lot of different planets. And, obviously, haven’t been using them recently!”

The three other women laughed warmly.

“It’s wonderful that you maintain such good humor about all of this,” praised Verty.

“Yeah,” agreed Shara. “If I were you, I’d totally be freaking out!”

“It is just sex,” Jyn observed with a shrug. “However many people are involved…”

Jyn made a point of closing the door firmly behind her; winking awkwardly in Bodhi’s direction beforehand.

“Wow – make note, Bodhi. Cassian and Jyn are really into pregnant sex!”

“That’s hot,” Trudy smirked.

Shara nodded, “So hot!”


	8. Sexual Harassment Seminar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am profoundly grateful for every comment, kudo, and hit this story continues to get - especially the recent support. But also very sorry for the delay in updating. Had a difficult time finding my humor-setting again. And still not confident it's back all the way, so I've pushed my heavy K-2SO chapter back so I can enjoy writing the creep at my fullest. Enjoy Cassian instructing a Sexual Harassment Seminar!

Jyn was used to chaos. Thrived on it, whether she wanted to or not. Being told to report first thing in the morning for an impromptu meeting wasn’t nerve-racking as much as a return to the realities of war. Where other rebels were already fidgeting in their seats, Jyn took a place in the meeting-hall unbothered; surveying the rest less than impressed.

When Bodhi arrived at her elbow, Jyn whispered, “Any idea what’s happening? Air strike in Hapes knocked out our food supply units? Satellites down again?”

Bodhi shook his head, “They weren’t rationing more than usual in the mess. Maybe they’re sending us on a mission? Someplace warm?” 

“Too large a gathering for just one mission,” Jyn observed; glancing around the room for their other crew members but finding none. Unfortunately, she did accidentally make eye-contact with Han Solo when he entered the room. 

“Sorry about what’s coming over,” Jyn told Bodhi out of the corner of her mouth.

“Erso, Rook,” the smuggler greeted them before taking a seat at Jyn’s other side.

“Han,” Jyn replied; rolling her eyes at Bodhi with a smile.

Han kept talking, “Luke and Chewie weren’t told to come in here. Started to worry this was for lesser personnel. Not us hero types. And little miss Princess is in a meeting across the hall and actually laughed when I told her I had a meeting too– can you believe it? Laughed right in my face and then went into her’s. Like me attending a meeting was somehow too absurd to be believed. But I don’t care what she thinks – I do plenty of important things for the Rebellion these days. Not everything revolves around the Princess’ blessing. And whatever we’re in here for is probably just as vital to the galaxy as her meeting is. … Do you think I bring her up too much?” 

“YES,” Jyn groaned with annoyance already.

“Probably more than the average,” noted Bodhi diplomatically passive.

“Settle down,” Cassian’s voice echoed across the room as he walked to the front; taking a long sip of caf while he eyed the amassed rebels – his gaze lingered on Jyn for a half-second longer than the rest. Jyn sat up hopefully; willing to understand the circumstances of this meeting by just staring back at him. But Cassian swiftly averted his eyes. His face remained a calculated blank.

This gathering was too large for just a single mission – but could easily be a battlefield squadron. She could sense Cassian’s tension as he locked something into a datapad; setting up the network for a projection screen in the front. _Kriffin Force_ , Jyn thought: _Cassian Andor has a PowerPoint presentation_. Jyn shifted in her seat; wondering if her would-be-lover/ more-than-boyfriend was about to deploy her somewhere in the far reaches of the galaxy. Light-years away from him. Her stomach plummeted at the thought of not seeing Cassian for days on end. Just watching the Major shuffling through the halls towards his next meeting made Jyn content with the mundaneness of everyday life here on Hoth; aching for little moments where their gaze managed to meet in the constant flow of to and fro.

Cassian’s voice rang across the room, “Welcome Evacuation Formation XX74 to the now Alliance-wide sexual harassment seminar. HQ has generated so many complaints of sexual harassment and inappropriate behavior, we’ve actually had to take a chunk out of our time planning and fighting a _WAR_ to discuss appropriate ways to interact with your fellow officers.”

Han Solo’s sighed heavily; hollering over everyone’s heads, “I don’t need to be in here!”

Jyn muttered to him, “You introduced yourself to me – still in medbay – with: ‘Sweet-tits, thanks for the Deathstar plans’.”

Han looked offended, “You never acted uncomfortable. Just shrugged and demanded to know who I kriffin thought I was …” 

Cassian cleared his throat, “Solo, you managed to accumulate your own folder of incidents.”

“I respect women,” Han declared passionately; flaring his arm about. “I respect strong, empowered women. I leap at the chance to be entangled with small, angry, brunettes who lacked proper father figures to better sculpt –“ He was smirking right at Jyn now; a hand setting brazenly on her thigh.

Jyn raised her hand and asked, “Can I add some things to Han’s folder?”

A murmur of agreement rang out in the room. Cassian asked everyone, “And – just with a show of hands – how many other soldiers have ever felt sexual misconduct coming from Captain Solo…” Cassian glanced around the room as Rebels (male and female) raised their hands in agreement. Cassian nodded, “Looks like you get to stay and listen,” he addressed to Han with a weak smile.

Cassian continued, “As you are all aware, the Rebel Alliance has been referring to the Coruscant Policy for Consent – outlined in the Alliance handbook you all received at recruitment.”

“Were we supposed to have read that,” Bodhi asked quietly next to her.

Jyn shrugged; whispering back, “Don’t know. I threw my copy at the medic while I was still recovering from Scarif.” When Bodhi raised his eyebrow in question, Jyn assured him, “The bastard had it coming. Very condescending about everything and wouldn’t tell me Cassian’s health status. “

“That’s adorable,” praised Bodhi with an eager smile.

Jyn whipped her gaze back to Cassian; now pointing to a bar-graph in his presentation up front, “… Shut up.”

“You like him,” Bodhi taunted in a sing-song voice.

“Already established that by now,” hissed Jyn back.

Cassian raised his voice, “Now if everyone would pay attention,” he looked pointedly to his crew members. “The Coruscant summit dictated that consent not only must be vocalized by all involved parties but issued on every level of advancing intimacies—” 

“And what are these ‘advancing intimacies,” interrupted Han Solo loudly again.

Cassian seemed to fumble with control for a moment; searching for an excuse to ignore Solo’s outburst. 

“Come on,” Han argued. “I asked a simple question of my superior officer. How am I to learn and better myself without understanding what levels exist in a normal sexual relationship.”

Jyn could tell Cassian knew this was baiting: pure and simple. But duty forced Cassian to fall right into the trap; switching to another slide that featured the dated character of a Separatist soldier declaring, ‘ _My Body Requires MY Permission_ ’. Council had obviously thrown this presentation together last minute – repurposing data, pictures, and charts from the long-over Clone Wars. 

With upmost commitment to the cause – the war, at least – Cassian told the crowd, “As shown, any physical touching constitutes as an intimacy. Whether it progresses to full-on intercourse or not. And either party declaring ‘no’, at any point, invalidates any prior agreement issued. The starting point in image one shows a man jetting his hand forward; offering the reciplicant to shake hands. Or not –”

“Answer me this,” Han whispered against her ear. “Hearing your man talk like this, are you completely dried up? Turned off for all mankind now?”

Jyn fidgeted in her seat at the warm air Han directed down her neck now; choosing to tease back, “On the contrary: Cassian Andor in authority-mode? I’ll be storing this away for my spank-bank. Just have to imagine we’re alone in here – Major Andor naked except for his socks and –“

Han Solo now squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. Jyn smirked victoriously across the room; locking eyes with Cassian hungrily as she sent through the crowd silent support. Jyn could barely hear Han gape, “ _…Socks_?”

Cassian continued directing the room through different scenarios and scenes. 

“Here,” said Cassian pointedly. “We have one solider grabbing the other from behind when they arrive back to base. A moment of celebration and excitement? However, can anyone tell me what solider one is doing wrong? How are they showing a lack of respect for their fellow officer?” 

Jyn pondered the question but found no answer. And apparently she wasn’t alone, 

“I don’t get it,” announced Han Solo tersely. “- Guy’s not even grabbing her boobs or crotch. Just lifting her up for –“

“Lifting her off the ground – from behind – without her permission,” clarified Cassian dully. “The pilot has just returned from battle and has no idea who is lifting her off the ground. She might find this funny later on – but, in this moment, she is again under attack.”

Bodhi raised his hand nervously, “This is about me, isn’t it? Look, I’m sorry! I never meant to place Jyn in a situation where she felt vulnerable and unsafe. I was happy – I’d flown my first official mission for the Rebel Alliance… the Deathstar was destroyed. And when I saw Jyn waiting in the hangar, I did grab her from behind for a hug. And I should have asked. It was … horrible to treat my female crew member as just an outlet for my own happiness… and not respect her agency and autonomy to set intimacies boundaries within…”

“Calm down, Bodhi,” Jyn soothed; patting his hand gently. “This isn’t about us. And this whole scenario is bantha-wash. It’s ridiculous to assume either’s intent just be looking at little drawings.” 

“Yeah,” Han added on. “And I know for a fact that women love surprises. Take that bit of advice, Andor.“

“So this isn’t just about me,” stammered Bodhi timidly.

“No,” replied Jyn.

“Nah – this isn’t about any of us,” confirmed Han. “Probably someone on another base acted out and now –“

“Force, this seminar is about all of you,” loudly reported Cassian with a frown. “Each. And Every. One. OF YOU. In this room. Is guilty. I tired to cover this up as just ‘one evacuation team’ – but no! You’ve all received multiple reports of misconduct! Our top level offenders are in this room!” 

“I have?” Jyn gulped; glaring at Cassian and feeling deflated. “Did… did you report me?”

“No,” said Cassian sternly; glancing in her direction before pacing the length of the front. “But since the supplied graphics are deemed too vague for everyone’s liking, why don’t I read off some instances that have been reported. A week ago, a mechanic was propositioned by a ranking officer who wanted their shuttle moved to the top of the fueling rotation. She asserted, ‘ _You scratch my back – someday I might just scratch yours_.’ Now can anyone tell me how this is inappropriate? I’ll give a hint – there are several ways this is wrong…” 

Bodhi spoke up first, “Because fueling rotation benefits the entire base? Not just one person’s whims?”

“Good, Bodhi,” Cassian praised. “Very good! But any thoughts pertaining more to the sexual harassment view-point?”

It had been a long time since Jyn contemplated strangling Cassian Andor. But the sensation returned when she saw his smug face raise an eyebrow in her direction; a challenge? Jyn proclaimed, “This ‘instance’ has clearly been taken out of context… and the perpetrator was only ‘flirting’ with a recruit in order to gain the optimal fueling position for her crew. She deserves another medal for dedication to her crew. Not to be publically questioned in this roundabout wa–“

“Was it wrong that she only suggested sexual favors,” asked a confused Han Solo. “And had no intention of ever repaying the guy?”

A vein in Cassian’s forehead pulsated; he surveyed the crowd and shook his head bitterly, “Point to Bodhi. For admitting there was something wrong in this scenario. Another report from a year ago: a solider was bent over his engine when a female officer approached; she patted his backside and asked if he was interested in attending a party later on –“

“Oh no –, “ Jyn sank lower in her seat; attempting to hide from Cassian’s piercing gaze.

“When he inquired about said party, she clarified that it was a ‘party in her pants’ and he was invited. And, again –I ask, can anyone identify how this situation could manifest a hostile work-environment?” 

Han chanced, “But it isn’t, is it? She invited him to the ‘party in her pants’. Didn’t just pull both their pants down and commence the grinding dance of delights… how was extending the invitation not asking for consent?”

“It left the man traumatized,” explained Cassian in a huff. “He claimed to be watching over his shoulder for weeks; terrified that she’d force herself –“

“Oh, please,” Jyn sat up again. “It wasn’t that bad. The man was just high-strung and a worrier.”

Han whistled in assessment, “You know, that sounds like what a sexual predator would claim about their victims!”

“I’m not a sexual predator,” Jyn defended herself to the room. “I’m not! I am an adult human with an active sexuality. Had the dolt just said, ‘no thanks’ I’d have naturally apologized and walked on,” standing to her feet, Jyn asked, “And – since I’m in a room full of my fellow Rebel perverts – I’m attractive, right? Hot stuff? An invitation to ‘a party in my pants’ shouldn’t keep anyone up at night unless they’re upset about not getting one –“

“Or you’re Cassian Andor,” mused Bodhi.

Han nodded agreement, “Or you’re Cassian Andor,” he repeated.

Up front, Cassian was leaning his face against his hand; eyes closed as he seemed to be massaging his temples. Jyn returned to her seat pleased with the results – catcalls surrounded her and numerous invitations to other ‘parties’ in other rebels’ ‘pants’. All ignored as Jyn watched an agitated Cassian scramble to regain control. 

“Sergeant Erso – be it intended or not – actually brings up a good point that we’ll continue exploring in the next slide,” Cassian swiped a finger across the datapad and the projection screen shifted to a slide titled ‘ _the FACE of a Predator_ ’. “There are many common misconceptions about sexual harassment. But the most dangerous is understanding who the culprits are. Far too often, we assume they are male – and significantly older. We also assume the victims are primarily female. But sexual harassment knows no gender. It could be a hundred year old, male, hutt – or it can be a young, vivacious, assertive, beautiful human-woman who is –“

“My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful,” Jyn smugly told Bodhi as she ignored Cassian’s follow-ups to the compliments; bumping her shoulder against Bodhi’s playfully. 

Cassian informed the room, “What’s vital is acknowledging that it’s rarely about sexual attraction. Harassment is almost always a symptom of the perpetrator needing to feel in control. It’s rooted in power struggles.”

Jyn jerked her neck to the side when Han Solo started laughing; failing to muffle the sound beneath his leather jacket.

“What,” Jyn demanded of the smuggler.

“It’s just –“ Han cackled again; eyes watering at the pressure he was trying to hold back. “This whole sexual harassment seminar is hilarious if you consider this is all Andor’s desperate plea for help.”

Stiffening in her seat, Jyn fought back, “Cassian doesn’t need help. He’s… very happy.” 

“Help me,” Han whispered in a lacking attempt at a Festian accent. When he recognized how poorly done, Han only exaggerated every syllable more. “Saveeeeee meee from Jynnnn Errrrso’s clutcccccchesssss!”

Han was biting his bottom lip to keep from disturbing anymore of the presentation – a rare moment of self-awareness. And Jyn hated it. She formed a fist discreetly and aimed a punch into Han’s shoulder, “Quiet, you!” 

“Personally,” Cassian’s voice assessed to the gathered rebels, “—I think we desperately need to remember why we are all here. Fighting this war. And a few selfish soldiers’ behavior could damage that. Everything around us exists purely to defeat the Empire. Our servers and technology too. So why would someone fill our servers with smut and pornographic stories –“

Jyn was equally concerned by that, “Is that real… or is Cassian just trying to guilt-trip us now?“

Bodhi remained silent; eyes fixed on the screen behind Cassian. But Han seemed excited to inform her, “Nah – that’s real. Heard about it from the Princess. Someone wrote chapters of this saga about a female soldier and her overcomplicated love life. Grade-A SMUT.” 

“So you wrote about your non-existent sex-life with Leia,” Jyn challenged with a smirk.

Han adjusted his collar; declaring, “I didn’t even get to read the filth. Higher ups found it uploaded almost instantly – but I guess it still has quite the following on Hoth. You just have to know the right people to ask. I’d kill to read it –“ 

“Filth,” Bodhi finally sneered. “How can you accuse something of being ‘filth’ if you haven’t even read it? Maybe the writer intended it to be an erotic thriller but all anyone ever seems to talk about is a little scene of double penetration the writer added merely for shock-value. And all the tender sex scenes are thrown-out the window because your male-lead is deemed too ‘nice’. Too ‘thoughtful’. And everyone finds it strange that your – I mean: the… male-lead lost his virginity to the female-lead when he was obviously too old to make that fact anything but ‘… _creepy_ ’.” 

“Calm down, Bodhi,” Jyn soothed again; barely understanding a word her friend mumbled to himself. She assumed the pilot was upset by the servers being jammed – that made sense. Flight records must be difficult to upload. She promised Bodhi, “If anyone can sort this out, Cassian can. No more weird fetish stuff to block you!”

“Is he okay,” asked Han.

Jyn nodded, “Bodhi just gets worked up sometimes. Little things, really. And he starts to slur and talk too quickly. He’ll calm down in a bit.”

Han eyed Bodhi over Jyn’s head but said nothing else to the pilot; he did inform Jyn, “They say it’s about two actual Rebels – the smut stories.”

Jyn rolled her eyes, “Sure they are!”

“… you don’t suppose they really are about Leia and me….”

“No,” Jyn tried not to laugh. “You said they had a ‘following’ and only you would be reading that.“

“Was just asking,” Han frowned. “No need to be so dismissive about it!”

“ _Why can’t they both be father to one of the twins, Bodhi_ ,” the pilot muttered to himself. “Because that makes so much sense… not!”

Jyn patted Bodhi’s hand again, “I know, I know. It makes no sense. But Cassian’s got this one!”

“Could you understand him,” Han asked curiously. 

Jyn shook her head, “No – but I like Bodhi to know I’m here for him when he gets like this. Must be a pain uploading flight records for him – and he never once complained.”

Cassian pressed on, “Rebel bases are not to be used like Corellian singles’ clubs –“ 

“Those are fun, though,” a proud Han Solo told Jyn.

“While the Council has little power over consensual acts that take place in private cabins, we will be cracking down on any canoodling we witness in the public sections. Keep all the hanky-panky on your own time!” 

Jyn visibly cringed at Cassian’s word-choices. Hanky-panky? Canoodling? Had K-2SO feed him those terms; telling him it was what the hipsters on base used? Sadly, if there was anyone less informed about ‘norms’ than K-2SO on Hoth, it was Cassian Andor.

“Do you, Major Andor,” accused a venomous voice from behind Jyn. Jyn spun around; ready to file a face away for later retribution … but couldn’t locate them in the crowd. It was female though, Jyn realized. All present females became targets…  
  
Cassian ignored them. He now read straight from his datapad; avoiding all eye contact, “And now go forth, showing your fellow soldiers that you respect them; and the work they do for the war-effort. It is only together that we can… achieve a victory as the Rebel Alliance…” Cassian’s brow winkled as he reads the next part; glancing up at the assemble before back to the datapad. “Here, I’m asked to give you all a ‘friendly thumbs up’. But no: none of you deserve that. Go forth – and realize I’ll be watching each and every one of you. And one more write-up on most of your records constitutes a court-martial. So… think about that!”

Han leaned into Jyn again, “I’m guessing he’s on that tribunal? Seems almost giddy about the prospect. But that is hours safely away from his little sex-maniac!”

Jyn sighed, “Take out your blaster, Solo. Take a squat… and insert said blaster straight up your –“

“Sergeant Erso,” Cassian’s voice rang out again; even and dispassionate.

Still, the dismissed rebels released a collective, “OHHHHHhhhhh!” as Jyn marched to the front; standing rigidly in front of Cassian as the rest vacated the room. Bodhi managed a slight wave at his crew members before exiting. Cassian waited for the door to close before addressing her; his eyes not quite reaching Jyn’s – resting expertly on her forehead instead.

“I need you to sign some things,” claimed Cassian as he passed his datapad over.

“Really,” Jyn questioned. “I’m such a sexual predator that I have to confirm that I’ve undergone sexual harassment training? Han Solo just gets to leave but I –“

“Someone formally complained about us,” Cassian rushed to explain; keeping his eyes focused over her shoulder towards the door. “Allegedly I’ve been giving you special treatment –“

Jyn laughed bitterly at that, “If anything, you’ve been more harsh about –“

“Agreed,” confirmed Cassian quickly. “But the Council feels it needs to negotiate some agreement between us. Just the usual stuff, really – for any couple in the Rebel Alliance. A non-disclosure agreement, a statement of no retaliation should our relationship dissolve: I cannot be found guilty of sending you away without Council approval, you cannot later claim I used my position to entrap you.” 

Jyn nodded; inattentively thumbing through the many tabs Cassian had open for her to sign, “There’s pages of this stuff,” exclaimed Jyn as she zoomed in to read the tiny font. “ – this is a lot of litigation!”

Cassian shifted his feet; brow furrowed as he considered a thought. Jyn watched him; studying his mouth as he opened and closed his lips. “A lot less if we just got married,” observed Cassian casually; like she’d asked for a solution and he was only supplying the easiest way out. Not like he’d calmly brought up marriage several hundred steps before that made any rational sense. 

“… You asked,” Cassian stammered when Jyn remained silently staring at him. “You asked if there was a way around all the litigation. I told you: marriage. A third of the signatures required for an official marriage contract. And that document wouldn’t have to be updated down the line when we enter new bases or either of us receive promotions. Open and shut agreement.”

“Yeah…” Jyn uttered; remaining confident she’d never asked Cassian for any alternative to an afternoon of authenticating her approval on these many documents. It was going to be tedious, sure. But not so completely miserable that she’d be ready for … Cassian’s eyes tripled in size; an uncharacteristic panic etched into the lines of his face. Jyn decided to play along, smiling as she lied, “I guess I did ask, didn’t I?” 

Cassian nodded hastily, “You did. And I just happen to know that… I researched marriage contracts recently for an old friend.”

Jyn wanted to laugh at that. A friend? There were so many better lies the former spy-master could have led with, but Jyn knew his friends by now. And, as far as ‘old friends’ went for Cassian Andor, Jyn sincerely doubted K-2SO had asked about marriage rights recently.

“I guess it is part of your job now,” Jyn prompted with a shrug. “Navigate any loopholes in the law.” 

“Exactly,” he latched on to that excuse.

Cassian was staring intently at the ground; grinding his molars as he awaited Jyn’s sign-off. But she ignored the datapad; watching the way an increasingly nervous Cassian twitched his nose. How a hand ran lazily through his hair – failing to smooth back the misplaced strands. There was nothing really to do, in Jyn’s opinion, besides set the datapad down and rise upward to kiss him. And when she pulled away, Jyn found Cassian still gaping back at her – unsure where that moment of affection stemmed from. Both still uncertain with gentleness. Even with each other. 

“You’re adorable,” Jyn weakly explained. “When you’re nervous and… I just… you’re kind of adorable. To me.”

Cassian nodded; face still scrunched and pensive. Jyn reached up and played with the messy strands on his forehead.

“I’m beginning to realize how neurotic you can be,” Jyn flinched when she saw Cassian’s eyes droop downward again. “Not a bad thing. I didn’t mean it that way! … I like it, if that makes sense. I like you. Being you.”

That was as close as Jyn could come to answering his past confession. And she hoped it to be enough for now as her eyes scanned his face.

The corners of Cassian’s mouth twitched as he admitted, “And, while I read through all the reports against you, I found your repeated attempts of ‘there’s a party in my pants’ strangely endearing.”

Jyn waved a hand through the air dismissively, “I heard a Partisan say it when I was thirteen and thought it sounded cool. Never could master delivering it quite as suave as him.” Jyn paused for a moment; seeking courage before inquiring, “And I hope my reports of sexual misconduct show that I’ve refrained from using that line recently. I mean, that moment with the mechanic, it wasn’t anything – I just really wanted Rogue One top of the list. I’d have never… done anything. With him. Okay?”

“Of course,” stammered Cassian; shocked where their conversation had turned. “I trust you, Jyn. And I hope you feel the same.”

Jyn nodded; biting her cheek to keep from laughing but failing miserably, “Naturally. You’re hardly the ‘canoodling’ type.”

He looked offended at Jyn’s certainty. “I’ve canoodled. Just much more discreetly than everyone else on this base. ….if K-2SO has given you a number, please realize that’s partners. Not actual times. Kay’s really bad at understanding the distinction –“

“Would you like to,” Jyn asked timidly; bringing her body flush against him. “To do some ‘canoodling’ right now? With me?”

Sucking in a long breath, Cassian’s groin involuntarily surged against her belly; Jyn experimentally rubbed against his thigh. Cassian gasped approval before acknowledging, “I have another group coming in fifteen—” 

“Can’t see you taking longer than that,” Jyn mused as her hand grabbed hold of his neck; forcing him lower for her lips to attack. She nibbled his skin; tasting his uncensored squeaks of delight when her agile hands began unfastening his pants. Through rough fabric, Jyn grasped his cock; already pulsating in anticipation as she dragged her thumb across the tip. With one hand holding Cassian’s neck close, she utilized the other in leisurely pumping him. She studied his face but Cassian wore no obvious reaction of pleasure. His teeth gleamed white as they barred almost menacingly down at her; nostrils flaring as he puffed rapid breaths. When his face contorted even more painfully, Jyn stilled and asked, “Is this okay?”

Cassian nodded approval; his hips starting to buck forward – Jyn felt his cock rocking into her fist. “Thought – after the meeting – I needed to show I understood consent,” Jyn excused the pause; tightening her hand around him and moving more boldly against him.

His head fell backwards, “This… in no way shows …. either of us… understand the issue.”

Before noon, Jyn got to witness Cassian’s sex-face – only mildly disappointed she’d first considered it a pained expression. Not nearly as sensual as she’d dreamed up. If anything, Jyn guessed he resembled a bantha bull puffing in and out; ready to charge. But that was a ridiculous connection, Jyn chastised herself as she continued to focus on her self-imposed mission: seeing if his expression changed for the better when he came. But Cassian remained so calculatedly reserved, Jyn’s worried her hand might cramp before that happens. Cassian’s arms stayed planted firmly at his sides; not moving to touch or hold her in return. His gait so tense and ridged, a powerful orgasm could knock him off his feet like a feather.  

Jyn sank to her knees; pulling Cassian’s pants down with her. His initial response had him grabbing downward – for the pants and her to return. But Jyn was too spry for this delayed reaction. She battered the hands away and tested a lick against the tip of his cock; toying with his head as she grinned up at him, “And this is okay, too?”

Cassian swayed a bit now; neck reddening as he looked down at her. “Yes,” he finally rasped. “Very ‘okay’. But we have… eight minutes before my next seminar.”

“Be honest with me,” Jyn leered at him. “You’re not going to be lasting long.”

Nodding, Cassian admitted, “Won’t be lasting long.”

Jyn rolled her tongue again; admiring the shock-waves that sent through Cassian’s shoulders. As she eased her mouth around his cock, Jyn watched his façade crumble; a serene smile rising across his face – the nostrils of a bantha bull still panting with need. But she could get used to it – already fond of the intensity delivered in his more frantic expressions.

“Get your penis out of Jyn Erso’s mouth, Cassian,” screeched the unmistakable voice of K-2SO behind her. “Or haven’t you realized the human mouth is the most unsanitary of places. Over 850 different strands of bacteria have been found in a human-host from Nar Shaddaa.”

Jyn fought-back the urge to gag as she released Cassian’s cock with a resounding ‘pop’; hunching over to cough instead of looking at the droid or its human companion. Her peripheral vision registered the sad shadow of a wiggling cock growing flaccid at the droid’s continued intrusion.

“Cassian, the chances of contagion when exposing a sensitive part of the anatomy to another human’s mouth are well over 65%. And with Jyn Erso’s background, we really cannot definitively say where she’s been. I’d estimate 81%. Shall I retrieve an immune booster from medbay?”

“No, Kay –“

K-2SO tossed a piece of fruit towards its human now, remarking, “I brought you breakfast. There’s already a line outside waiting for the next meeting. Shall I show them in?” 

“No,” both humans commanded.

“Let me put myself away first,” Cassian said; adjusting his pants and fastening them primly high on his hips.

“Good idea,” praised the droid. “Sends a clearer message for the sexual harassment seminar not having your penis out. Or in anyone’s mouth.”

“Still right here,” Jyn waved her hand in the droid’s direction from the floor; wiping drool off her chin with the back of her sleeve.

“So you are,” the droid acknowledged. “Are you staying for another session? The first one didn’t seem to effect you positively.”

“Shouldn’t the droid obsessed with its human’s sex-life be the one attending sexual harassment seminars,” asked Jyn as Cassian helped her up.

The droid groaned tiredly at her, “I have much more crucial assignments today. Seeing as Cassian is being underutilized by teaching the Rebel riff-raff, I must attend all – more important – meetings to keep Cassian’s presence felt. And later keep Cassian informed of the various goings-ons.”

Jyn stared at Cassian before asking, “Do you ask him to do any of these things or –“

“Kay’s been running rogue for awhile now,” admitted Cassian quietly against her ear.

“Well, I’m off then –“ Jyn announced; briskly heading for the door.

“Good,” was K-2SO’s reply as it turned its back; lecturing Cassian about the other meetings – and begging for the Major’s permission to retrieve an immune booster ‘just to be safe.’

But Jyn stopped at the door, calling back, “I still want an optimal refueling position, Major Andor.”

Cassian leaned out from behind his droid, promising, “I’ll see what I can do!”


	9. Malfunctioning...

14.35.08 hours – JYN ERSO IS OVULATING. TIMELY MISSION HAS SEPERATED HER FROM THE MAJOR’S SEMEN AT THIS CRUCIAL STAGE. IN THIS LATEST CYCLE, VERTY SALZER HAS SUCESSFULLY BEEN SYNCHED WITH MORE DOMINANT _JYN ERSO CYCLE_ AND WILL ALSO BE AT THE PEAK OF HER FERTILITY. BACK ON HOTH. NEAR THE MAJOR’S SEMEN. CHANCES ARE AT LOW OF 3.01% THAT MAJOR WILL INSEMINATE VERTY PRIOR TO ONE-OFF CHILD WITH ERSO. PITY. WASTE OF QUALITY EGG…

But K-2SO had informed Jyn Erso that she was allowed one of Cassian’s progeny. Over-generous? Maybe. But K-2SO was a droid of its mainframe. Once the original plans for Cassian’s procreation were altered to include this brief dalliance with Jyn Erso, and it vocalized this to the woman herself, K-2SO now had to see the oversight through.

Occasionally, K-2SO found itself almost anticipating missions with Jyn Erso – leaving the droid to ponder if these were symptoms of some virus in its circuits, or Cassian had rewired some transmission mechanism while the droid rebooted, or perhaps the long-sanctioned orders to ‘ _PROTECT JYN_ ’ had spawned something sinister in its databank. Whatever the circumstances, the droid tailed her through the tight streets of the star Japrael; watching intently as she haggled with two filthy street urchins attempting to sell her spoiled fruit. K-2SO had never witnessed Jyn Erso so animated; crouched to the children’s level as she examined the fruit. Wrinkling her nose and joking to them that that piece of fruit resembled the Emperor at a certain angle. K-2SO failed to see any resemblance. And voiced as much to the three humans. Only to be ignored – except for Jyn Erso rolling her eyes in its direction.

“Have you seen anyone scary lurking around,” Jyn asked the children in a soft-voice; maintaining eye contact and her warm smile. It was a common tactic Cassian would use with informants to demonstrate confidence and trust. But there was something different when Jyn Erso implemented the tactic.

She further explained, “Anyone too interested in the building back there,” she nodded behind her; where the Rebel safe house blended into the other crumbling structures of the town.

The now empty safe house both Jyn and K-2SO had spent the hours before dawn evacuating.

Sources stated the Empire was still seeking a grand gesture of revenge. And slaughtering the invalided Rebels and orphans that were housed on the star Japrael was cyphered out of a transmission. Now, only K-2SO and Jyn Erso remained. Watching and waiting. Ready to send back that the transmission was corrupt or not. But they needed confirmation that a massacre had been premeditated. 

“There was something,” the most mud-splattered child exclaimed. “Something in a cloak kept pacing back and forth –“ 

“Today,” asked Jyn; rapid eyes already scanning the crowd again.

“No,” the other interrupted; this annoying human-child missing a front row of teeth and made involuntary whistle-sounds. K-2SO was perturbed – how did a human manage to lose an apparatus they needed to consume fuel sources? How thoughtless!

“A week ago. I asked, ‘Mister, want to buy some –‘ and they smashed our crate over and left. We lost a whole day’s wages!”

“What a meanie,” Jyn declared. An understatement, K-2SO decided. This being was possibly planning to kill all inhabitant of a safe house. Why was Jyn Erso acting like the biggest affront was the spoiled fruit these children failed to sell? 

One of the children rattled a hand against the metal plating of K-2SO’s leg joint; leaving a trail of a gloopy substance dripping down the droid’s usually well-maintenanced surface. When K-2SO brushed off the child’s hand – and attempted to remove the slime – its fingertips barely reached; leaving the substance now smeared across its metal casing. And the small human trembling in front of K-2SO. 

“Did I hurt you,” the pathetic human child stammered; eyes glassing over and chin wiggling like Jyn Erso’s did when Cassian says K-2SO had gone too far in its comments. 

K-2SO replied matter of factly, “I am a droid,” bending slightly at its knee joints and still failing to reach the gloopy mess. K-2SO indignantly rounded on Jyn Erso; gesturing downward at the sticky substance. 

“I’ve got it,” Jyn Erso promised the droid; spitting into her scarf and buffering the metal surface till it shined again. “There: all better!”

“So you don’t ‘feel’ stuff, Mr. Droid,” the child asked directly to K-2SO; staring up at the droid with wide brown eyes. 

Similar eyes. To Cassian’s. Had the child been a tad older, perhaps it would be at a similar age to Cassian when he’d reprogrammed K-2SO. And its human companion had fumble around with the right way to address the droid; the non-offensive way to phrase things when he could have just commanded – but no. The street-rat was not awakening a sense of nostalgia or sentimentality from the droid. What K-2SO was undergoing had to be a data sweep of sorts; processing similar traits in its past databank and applying them to present subjects.

The toothless child released a hissing whistling noise again; a sign of agreement with the other human?

Data was conclusive: children were annoying. And the droid refused to engage in this sort of prattle further. Cassian’s children would be far superior in every way… or K-2SO would instruct them to behave more agreeably. And not to lose teeth. 

Jyn Erso placed a handful of credits into the largest child’s hand; lying that the fruit smelled ‘delicious’ and urging them off the street, “You’ve got somewhere to go, right? Somewhere…” she stumbled over her words now. Searching for a word that would leave her feeling contented. But Jyn was intelligent enough to know that word does not exist in this galaxy. Certainly not on this star. No one had anywhere ‘ _safe_ ’ to retreat within.

The children nodded; scampering off – but K-2SO watched suspiciously as they raced into the shadows of a cart; counting the credits eagerly together. What little, dirty, conniving thieves! Part of K-2SO desired for a mechanism to bypass this adolescent stage in the development in its future human companion.  
  
“You were tricked,” announced the droid; waving a hand towards the two children still counting their winnings. “In no way was that fruit worth so much. Swindlers! All the information we’ve received from them should be void – they are certainly not reputable.” 

Jyn just shrugged, “They needed the credits more than me.”

“You are overly sensitive when it comes to children,” K-2SO informed her dryly. “And it’s not just because of your ovulation causing hormones to whirl throughout your brain; forcing you into a semblance of maternal-figure. It is a common practice for you, Jyn Erso. Whatever stage of your cycle.”

“Gee – I wonder why,” she taunted. “Maybe my less than stable upbringing has left me a soft-spot for the abandoned and forgotten.”

K-2SO studied the determined face and processed aloud, “It is a weakness. One you should be made aware of; if you are to survive. Those miniature humans could just as easily have realized they’d make more credits turning you over to the Empire than just indulging a Rebel’s need to play savior.”

Jyn Erso did not defend herself. Just nodded resignedly; continuing her search for a lurking cloaked-figure. 

“You – you are alone, Jyn Erso. The last of your family line.”

“Wow, Kay. Thanks for reminding me! Wonderful to start the day being told that –“

“And you like children,” K-2SO observed. “I do not understand their appeal. Far too sticky and loud I’m discovering– but you, evidently, enjoy them. Doubtless, should you survive this war – still not a high percentage, by the way – you would desire the Erso name to be continued.” 

Jyn kept her eyes fixed to the far side of the road; trying to appear fixed on a cloth stall. But K-2SO noted her eyes stopped zigging and zagging across the marketplace – taking on an almost bleary quality.

She finally, softly, choked out the response, “Never really thought about it. Never really the right time or place to... you’re looking with me, right Kay? Anything with a ‘cloak’ –“

“The children were liars,” the droid sighed heavily. “Are all human children like that?”

Jyn turned to the droid; remarking, “Liars? Depends on the parents, I suppose.”

“I do not like children. I understand these developmental stages are essential in programming a human to the peak of their abilities –“

“Raising,” Jyn corrected. “It’s ‘raising’ a child. Not ‘programming’ one.” 

“Semantics,” the droid acknowledged with a wave of its hand. “I had envisioned myself ‘raising’ my future companions. But, if I know them at that stage and interact with them, I’m certain I will decide to abandon them on a planet and flee elsewhere–“  
  
Jyn Erso groaned; feet padding against the dusty street as she started pacing a surveillance scope of the marketplace again, “Kay, do not abandon my hypothetical children on another planet. I would destroy you if –“

“Who? Oh – your child? No. I will not be involved with your one-off child’s existence. Other than allowing it to exist. I’m referring to Cassian’s later prototypes,” K-2SO paused when it witnessed Jyn Erso cringe at the word ‘prototypes’; Jyn Erso was uncomfortable – so K-2SO attempted to reassure her, “You are, once again, very fortunate that I’ve bypassed my original stratagem. The introduction of Cassian’s genetics shall be very advantageous for the Erso line.” 

Jyn turned around to glare at the droid; hands braced on her hips before reminding him, “You do remember that my father was a mathematical and engineering genius? And my mother a geologist and scholar in her own right?”

“Are you suggesting these ‘genius’ traits skip every other generation, Jyn Erso? Do you have any data to back this claim? Because that could be very beneficial,” the droid pondered aloud. “Very beneficial for my future companions to have the occasional Erso-subordinate.”

Jyn Erso released a loud huff; nostrils flaring as she commanded, “I’m ignoring you. I want you to know – for the rest of this mission: I’m ignoring you and your crazy, Kay. Address me only if you uncover information about this supposed cloaked figure. Understood?” 

Jyn craned her neck away too urgently to see the droid nod confirmation of her ‘orders’. As Cassian made sure to remind K-2SO before they departed on this mission: Jyn Erso was team leader and needed to be obeyed. K-2SO was almost following orders when they received a transmission to report back to Hoth; a second transmission of another planned massacre on another planet was decrypted: the Empire knew they were listening-in and was most likely toying with the Alliance over these threats. Transmission was compromised.  
  
K-2SO flew Rogue One back to Hoth; studying the deep frown Jyn Erso was wearing; disappointment? At not firing her blaster? Or the fool’s errand they’d been sent on. K-2SO attempted to calm her nerves – after all, something intriguing had occurred; the droid now had more data on Jyn Erso’s obsession with annoying children. Enough to determine, in the event of Jyn Erso becoming a mother, her offspring would survive. But they would be incredibly sticky, annoying, and toothless.

“Cassian likes children,” proclaimed the droid suddenly; breaking the long imposed silence and Jyn Erso’s orders.

Jyn Erso sat in the ‘Major’s chair’; what had been Cassian’s prior to being grounded on Hoth. It remained Cassian’s even if Jyn Erso used it mainly now. Her lips turned up into a lopsided grin, “… Cassian avoids children. Anytime he has had to interact with one, he outsources to Bodhi or me.”

“Because he likes them so much.”

“Kay, I’m not really sure where this is heading but I’d prefer –“

Jyn Erso jumped when Cassian’s voice echoed from her comlink, “Command to Robotic-Dust storm. 7568-HR-009. G4H – Snow in the Valley. Lava on the star?”  
  
K-2SO shook its head at Cassian’s ridiculous codenames; wishing its eye modules could roll as far back as Jyn Erso’s at being called ‘Robotic-Dust storm’ unit for this mission. The droid listened to Jyn utter against the piece, “Negative. Dry. Dust storm brewing? Heading home once I pick up fresh beard oil.”  

“That’s not an official code,” K-2SO informed the woman.  
  
“Stick to only filtered content,” implored Cassian from the comlink. “Unless you’re back on the ship; with a secure line.”  
  
“Affirmative, Major,” Jyn said; gesturing for K-2SO to prepare for landing protocol. “So ‘yes’ on the beard oil?”

“Come home,” the Major answered instead.  
  
Jyn Erso’s face scrunched; forehead creasing when she admitted, “If target was there, I failed to locate them. Cannot confirm or deny corruption of source. Witnesses on ground claimed a figure had been staking out safe house a week ago –” 

“Hey, you missed the target… – and I missed you.”  
  
“Are you flirting with me? Are you flirting with me over the comlink?” 

“Attempting,” Cassian’s voice admitted. “Is it working?” 

“Keep trying!”

“Been trying all week, Jyn…” 

“And I’m just starting to recognize this as flirting. You’re getting better!” 

“No,” Cassian sighed; as embarrassed as K-2SO deemed necessary after this spectacle. And it was the Major who kept reminding K-2SO that they were constantly being recorded on these missions. “… you’re clear for landing, Kay.”

“Oh, come on,” Jyn argued. “Here –“ she punched in a keycode and smirked. “… does my code pass inspection, Major Andor? Am I free to dock my ship… in your _port_?”

K-2SO corrected them both, “Physiologically, that statement makes no sense.”

Cassian cleared his throat; K-2SO was waiting for its human companion to reprimand Jyn Erso’s behavior… but instead the Major proclaimed, “Welcome home. It’s about to get _Hoth_ and _heavy_ in here.” 

Biting back a laugh, Jyn Erso released a high-pitch moan; in a throaty voice declaring, “If Rebellions are built on hope, my wildest dreams are built on Cassian Andor’s co –“ 

“NO,” interrupted K-2SO; grabbing the comlink from Jyn Erso and turning it off. “No. NO…no. No. No. No. NO. NO –“ 

“Relax, Kay. We were teasing each other.”

“You have ruined him, Jyn Erso. Ruined him,” the droid declared; fumbling for the buttons and gears to land their craft safely. “You are aware you’re ovulating? At the peak of your fertility? And your voice is hitting the octave that indicates… prepared to receive seed? ‘Teasing’ any male, in that voice, is essentially declaring to the world ‘ _come and inseminate me_ ’. And we’ve already established that the Major is especially susceptible to your biological indicators.” 

Jyn Erso’s eyes widened; mouth agape as she stammered, “Wha…. Cassian is what? To me,” her hand flared in the air; dramatically landing against her forehead. “I had no idea. How very shocking! However shall I go on in our friendship; knowing that –“

“You think you’re being adorable, don’t you,” the droid accused; lowering the craft and already spotting the Major waiting off the landing pad. “You seem to think sarcasm makes you somehow more appealing, don’t you? I assure you: not accurate! Only Cassian continues to fall for this façade – “

Jyn Erso was laughing now; deeply gasping for air as she observed, “His penis. Was in my mouth. A week ago. Believe me, I realize I’ve got some sway by now! And I got the fuel rotation position I always knew this ship deserved—”

“And don’t think I failed to notice him sneezing the next day,” K-2SO shot back; letting the implication speak for itself.

Jyn Erso was panting for air now; clutching the control panel as she howled with laughter, “Are you… you are suggesting I gave Cassian’s penis a cold?”

“There are many factors to consider,” K-2SO defended itself. “His pants being down – in the cold conference hall, also factors.”

Jyn rose to her feet; shaking her head before begging the droid, “I can’t even be annoyed anymore. Please – submit your findings to the Council, Kay. We need to share your concerns with everyone: one, unfortunately brief, blowjob on Hoth can result in our brave officers catching a draft – maybe even early morning sniffles.”

“This is sarcasm,” the droid recognized aloud.

Jyn nodded out the window, “Cassian seems to be on the mend. Already down here from control. What’s the etiquette, Kay? For giving Cassian’s penis a cold? Should I apologize? Offer to assist him in any way I can –“

While its human appeared to be flipping through a series of flight charts off the runway, seemingly unaware that Jyn Erso was landing mere feet away, K-2SO knew he’d been in the control room sending the transmission minutes ago. Had Cassian raced out to meet them? Must all of Echo Base be made aware of its human’s preferences? The powers of female human ovulation strike again! 

K-2SO acknowledged it was nearing a critical point in its plans for future human companions: Cassian successfully inseminating Jyn Erso. Cassian had gotten through the long, arduous dance of enticing a mate; circling Jyn Erso with single-minded objectivism. Pawing the ground and scaring off all potential competition. And now, K-2SO witnessed Jyn Erso greeting the Major; circling Cassian with uncurbed appetite. She found a reason to swat at his arm playfully as they talked – by the third attempt, her hand did not fall again to her side but rested confidently on his arm; drawing the Major closer as they bent their heads together in conversation.

The desired mate was supplying acceptance to the formerly-failed bantha bull.

K-2SO had the necessary data for post-insemination practices in humans. In 280 days, gestation would be complete. There would be a living, breathing creature that possessed the combined DNA of Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor. And, although the drive for procreation instills a fleeting bond in mammals to protect their vulnerable offspring together, it would not be for long. K-2SO had known of this – had utilized this mammal mannerism in plans to achieve its own ends: a future companion structured from the shared DNA of Verty Salzer and Cassian Andor. But… what did that mean? In moments where Jyn Erso was especially irksome, the droid had run a program-scenario where both the woman and her offspring were abandoned on a far-off planet to live their lives – and allow Cassian to seamlessly move on with his more genetically equal partners.

But now… the droid could not fathom a scenario where it would no longer have Jyn Erso inflicted upon its time. K-2SO’s wires processed her earlier comments about an affinity towards the abandoned and unwanted. Was that to continue being Jyn Erso’s lot in life? To exist only to be cast away at a future date? 

Worst yet, K-2SO was annoyed by this scenario’s Cassian: a man the droid valued greatly and would follow into battle without fail. A man who had been a child so eager to learn and showed the reprogrammed droid nothing but respect in return. They had always been equals, K-2SO knew. But could this man watch Jyn Erso and his child left behind… and feel nothing? Would Cassian, who had cried at even a metal hand touching him fondly, be able to function knowing a being that shared his genetic makeup existed on another planet with Jyn Erso…but did not need him?

An even more disturbing scenario – factoring only a flimsy article declaring male mammals remained with gestating female only to ensure successful mating before venturing off to inseminate another female – had Cassian relieved; willingly leaving both Jyn and infant behind in his search for a new mate. 

K-2SO was now certain it had contracted a computer virus – that something was glitching in its databank. For the first time, the droid approached Cassian Andor with poisonous contempt; bitter over a slight the Major had not yet committed on a woman and hypothetical child the droid was merely indifferent towards on good days.

It needed to run a thorough scan – but, more immediately, keep Jyn Erso’s egg far away from Cassian Andor’s semen; until K-2SO could confirm itself in optimal condition and its program-scenarios within regular failure percentages for this plan to commence.

Nudging a crate, the droid sent a wooden beam straight into the Major’s privates; watching its human companion double-over in agony as Jyn Erso fought to keep him upright.

“Cassian,” she asked. “What happened?”

“OH – NO! That wooden beam has struck the Major in his genitals,” K-2SO announced at a loud volume for the entire hangar to hear; gesturing its long arms outward to display concern over these events. “Intense pelvic trauma! HELP!”

The first distraction had the Major icing his genitals in medbay for an hour. K-2SO suspected a further 12 hours for Jyn Erso’s ovulation this cycle. It just needed to ensure Jyn Erso’s eggs remained unfertilized.

Turning up at Jyn Erso’s cabin – not in the middle of night blaring its siren – was a new experience for both of them. When the droid thrusted a cup of tea towards Jyn, she eyed the contents suspiciously. 

“It’s tea,” the droid needlessly explained. 

Jyn Erso peaked out from behind the door but made no move to accept the cup, “Why,” she inquired stiffly.

“You drink it,” the droid explained; pressing the mug against her hand. 

Jyn Erso hissed at the touch, “It’s cold!”

“Well, you can’t have everything,” the droid remarked; entering the room and taking a seat on her small cot.

Jyn Erso continued to watch K-2SO; sniffing her cold tea but making no move to sip yet.

“Shall I help you write our mission report,” the droid offered.

Jyn Erso shrugged; sniffing the tea again, “Not a lot to type up. Mission a failure. We displaced dozens of people based on a now probably bogus claim.”

“I can type a brief statement,” K-2SO granted. “And why don’t you take it easy? Drink your tea – maybe catch-up on some reading. Maybe sleep for twelve hours –“

“Okay— ,” Jyn sat the mug down; rounding on the droid. “What the kriffin Force are you up to?”

“Helping you.”

Jyn exhaled a breath, “And why? What is the aim?”

“To ensure you spend the next twelve hours at optimal peace-levels…”

“And the real reason?”

K-2SO declared, “I think I am sick.”

Jyn Erso stared at the droid, “Clearly, I didn’t suck your anything –“ 

“I might be malfunctioning, Jyn Erso,” lamented the droid mournfully. 

Jyn Erso hesitated for a moment before taking a seat next to the droid.

Cassian entered the cabin without knocking; pausing in shock when he realized Jyn Erso was sitting with K-2SO on her cot.

“Is Hoth thawing,” he asked confused.

“Kay’s not well,” said Jyn Erso with a sigh. “Something might really be wrong!”

Cassian studied the pair before offering, “Kay, if you allow me to force a power-down, I can run a scan manually and check –“  
  
“OH - I bet you’d LOVE to force a power-down,” accused K-2SO indignantly. “Have me completely OFF and you can… do terrible…. TERRIBLE things!”

“I was kidding about the rewiring,” Cassian assured the droid calmly. “No rewiring – just a scan to make sure you’re functioning –“

Jyn Erso responded, “Kay brought me tea,” she nodded to the mug next to her.

“Kay brought you tea, Jyn,” Cassian crossed the room to grab the mug; inhaling meticulously before declaring the substance, “… Just tea, I think.”

“Of course it’s just tea,” spat the droid at both of them. “I bring her tea – offer to type the mission report for her, and I’m the villain! Let’s all blame the droid!” 

Jyn Erso and Cassian studied each other’s reactions before the Major asked, “Kay, may I speak with Jyn in private for a moment?”

“Official business, I presume,” the droid asked; rising off the cot. 

“Very official,” promised Cassian; taking K-2SO’s place on the cot and watching the droid saunter out of the cabin with elbows braced on his knees.

When the door closed behind K-2SO, the droid whipped it back open – announcing to the humans, “Official Rebel Alliance business, as stated in the handbook, insists on doors remaining open in private quarters during official meetings,” the droid then lied, “And all pairs of feet remaining fixed on the floor at all times!”

K-2SO pranced back and forth of the opened cabin door; ensuring Jyn Erso was not being impregnated. But – they seemed to be discussing something in earnest; noses pressed together as they glanced in the droid’s direction every once in awhile.

Jyn Erso had an arm wrapped around Cassian’s shoulders; comforting its human companion with bits of muttered non-sense. But K-2SO distinctly heard, “It may all be just a screw loose –“ 

“Jyn –“ 

“Or a lot of screws loose!”

When the Major emerged from the cabin; he jerked his neck down the hall – gesturing for the droid to follow him obediently wherever he went. K-2SO mimicked Jyn Erso; crossing its arms and remaining planted where it stood; leaning against the wall with Jyn Erso’s studied ease.

“Kay –“

“I am displeased with you,” the droid declared in a shrill voice.

Cassian looked pained; eyes focusing on the droid before narrowing at his own feet, “You haven’t even been around me for 48 hours.”

“I expect better of you, Cassian,” howled K-2SO through the hallway. “I expect you to behave in a manner befitting the spectacular child you had been – I have the data; you were an agreeable human child. NOBLE, humans would say. And for me to even foresee a scenario for the future that has you acting so callous –“

“You cannot be angry with me, Kay. Not over something I _might_ do in a situation that _might_ occur,” reasoned Cassian tiredly.

Jyn Erso’s head emerged from her doorway; craning to regard them both, “What did Cassian supposedly do?”

“AND HER,” K-2SO extended an arm; pressing the tips of its index finger into Jyn Erso’s forehead. “She is a … … … precious find. Astoundingly unique and unpredictable.”

Jyn Erso stared back at K-2SO terrified; with uncharacteristic timidity, Jyn raised a hand to tighten a hold on the droid’s mechanical arm.

“You have got to run a full scan,” Jyn muttered to Cassian. “Right now – something is very wrong!” 

Gently, K-2SO lowered its arm; cradling Jyn Erso stomach and assuring her, “You will be a wonderful mother, Jyn Erso – of mildly diminutive offspring that shall cherish you always.”

“Why does everyone feel the need to pat my belly these days and praise my character,” grunted Jyn Erso as she pulled K-2SO down the hallway; lunging access weight from the droid’s limp arm span. She nodded for Cassian to follow – leading them towards the mechanics lab.

Cassian raced behind them; falling into step with K-2SO, “I’d never force a power-off on you, Kay – I’d never do anything to your structure without permission. But Jyn and I are very worried. If you allow us to run a full-scan, I promise: nothing will be done until you power back on and we explain our findings to you.”

K-2SO turned its head away from the Major; declaring, “NO. Jyn Erso must be protected. And you must be monitored. For the next twelve hours –“

“Kay’s mixing us up,” asked Jyn Erso with a gulp. 

Cassian sighed, “Kay has run some type of scenario where I do something unredeemable. I’m guessing towards you." 

“Jerk,” billowed Jyn in the Major’s direction; tightened lips breaking into an uncontrollable smirk.

The leer shared between the pair did not escape the droid’s notice – even under the threat of a severe malfunction. K-2SO confirmed one final strategy to separate the Major from Jyn Erso during this ovulation cycle. Bringing up a rough layout of Echo Base in its databank, K-2SO seized the opportunity when they turned a corner; ramming the Major into an opened supply closet and closing the door when it witnessed Cassian’s body hitting the floor inside.

“Kay –“ Cassian called through the durasteel door; a repetitive hammering of fists against the door following. “Let me out!”

“Run, Jyn Erso,” urged the droid; grazing fingers over the door’s code pad before deciding to simply punch it instead. The code pad was shattered; wires sparking and flickering as K-2SO pulled its fist out of the wreckage. The Major was effectively sealed inside until a service team could arrive to reinstall.

“Kay –“ a flabbergasted Jyn Erso stammered – before moving in front of the droid to hammer back on the door. “Cassian – Cassian, can you hear me?”

“UNLOCK THE DOOR, JYN,” commanded a flustered voice from inside.

Jyn groaned, “A slight issue there –“

“THIS ISN’T FUNNY!”

“Agreed,” Jyn replied. “But, you see, Kay’s sort of destroyed the code pad… who do I need to contact to fix that? Maintenance? The Engineers?”

Cassian was shrill now, “WHAT THE LIVING –“ 

“I know who must be notified,” interrupted a smug droid. “But I’m not saying!”

Cassian pleaded, “Kay, would you please contact Control –“  
  
“NO!” 

An unknown pilot passed; eyeing the destroyed code pad, droid, and Jyn Erso cautiously – angling to be as far against the opposite wall as possible.

“Excuse me,” chanced Jyn Erso. “Would you happen to have a spare code pad on you –“ the pilot’s pace increased; desperately turning the corner away from this latest misadventure involving the Rogue One crew. 

“Do you know who fixes the doors around here,” Jyn Erso screamed after the retreating pilot. “… No one is helpful on this base,” she hissed through the door to Cassian.

“Jyn Erso,” K-2SO set its mechanical arms against her shoulders; crouching tightly in an attempt to mimic her earlier mannerisms with the street-children. “You must run from this hallway. Take your eggs, vacate this area, and lock yourself in your cabin for the next twelve hours. Cassian is intelligent and highly adaptable. This minor inconvenience will not deter him long –“

Jyn Erso brushed the droid’s appendages off; pressing a hand against the closet door and begging Cassian to, “… just remain calm, okay? I’m heading straight to the control room and I’m going to get this all sorted out.” 

“I… I don’t like tight spaces, Jyn.”

“I know,” replied Jyn Erso in a soft but firm voice. “Just know I’m helping to get you out. I’ll walk all over this base; harass everyone I see until someone fixes this kriffin door and you’re free again. Doesn’t matter how many people I have to lie, cheat, punch, or proposition: I’m getting you out of there. I love you.”

Her face was fixed in a determined frown; flipping directions and marching around the corner so quickly, K-2SO lacked the allotted time to properly study her mannerism or delivery. The droid even questioned if Jyn Erso realized she’d said those dreaded words in this moment. Instead of following Jyn Erso to question her meaning – or force Jyn into her cabin and breaking yet another code pad for added safety measures, the droid rattled on the door; insuring the Major realized, “Jyn Erso is gone now.”

“I assumed as much,” gasped Cassian through the door. “So… she –“ 

The droid berated its human further, “Do not celebrate! That only makes your potential behavior all the more deplorable!”

“… you’re not even going to hint about what I might do wrong…”

“It’s very bad,” the droid assured its human. 

Cassian sighed heavily against the door, “When I get out of here, I’m running a full diagnostics, Kay.”

* * *

 

The hours spent in the mechanics lab proved highly fortitudinous for K-2SO. Despite both the Major and droid’s insistence that there must be an imperative issue with the motherboard, there really was only a screw loose; right next to the droid’s ocular transmitters! K-2SO had not even realized its range of vision was impaired! However, these findings in no way explained its growing…. ….. ….. ….. _fondness_ for Jyn Erso. Or rising distrust of Cassian Andor. But the droid did not voice these unresolved issues to the Major. When asked, the droid promised both humans that it was entirely back to ‘normal’. And went out of its way to chide Jyn Erso on any little infraction to prove without a shadow of doubt that everything was ‘normal’.

When K-2SO arrived to Cassian’s cabin during the Major’s off-hours, it had been focused on audibly correcting a slight error in Jyn Erso’s latest mission report; declaring that Sergeant Erso, with all of her ‘team leader’ status, continued to submit meager record-keeping. But Cassian was not inside. Not sitting on his cot skimming through old reports… not folding and repacking an emergency duffle. The droid even opened the fresher – and checked under the cot to be sure. The Major had vanished! 

Static electricity seemed to hang through the air as K-2SO padded down the hallway of the lesser rebels’ cabins – opening Jyn Erso’s swiftly without knocking. She was missing too! A few articles sprinkled the ground: a canteen, datachips, and some spare clothing. K-2SO ran towards the fresher. It was also empty: a damp towel from the morning but no evidence Jyn Erso had been in-quartered recently. Next, the droid knocked impatiently on Bodhi Rook’s cabin; opening the door and directly ordering the pilot, “Where is the Major? Or Jyn Erso? I must locate one or the other immediately—“

“What’s another word for ‘engorged’,” asked the pilot instead; staring down at his datapad annoyed. “Swollen seems to imply illness…”

“Major Andor,” the droid redirected. “Have you seen him or Jyn Erso in the past hour?” 

“Rigid is too close to frigid,” lamented the pilot. Looking up at the droid, Rook supplied, “I was in a meeting with Cassian… maybe an hour or two ago. He met with all the pilots to discuss troubleshooting tactics to get our reaction times more efficient –“

“So he was in a good mood,” observed the droid.  
  
Rook nodded, “Seemed chipper enough. And then Jyn was waiting for him after the meeting, so you know he was flying high—“

“I do not understand,” the droid announced.

“He was… Cassian was very pleased to see her. Everyone could tell,” Bodhi Rook coughed nervously into his hand.

“And he went off…. with Jyn Erso,” demanded the droid. 

“…yes….” 

K-2SO abandoned the pilot; slinking down the hallways of Echo Base and demanding of every rebel it encountered, “HAVE YOU SEEN MAJOR ANDOR? I MUST LOCATE THE MAJOR!” 

When the droid raced through the mess, it yelled at all inhabitants, “HIGHLY SENSITIVE. EMERGENCY. MUST LOCATE MAJOR ANDOR IMMEDIATELY. IF ANYONE SEES HIM, THEY HAVE MY PERMISSION TO TACKLE HIM TO THE GROUND AND HOLD HIM THERE UNTIL I CAN BE NOTIFIED.”

But all the droid received where a parade of ‘nos’ and heads shaking the negative – even the incomparable Verty Salzer knew nothing new; just repeated a similar story to Bodhi Rook’s. Cassian had been seen exiting his meeting and engaging Jyn Erso in a conversation – the pair then walked off together. If Verty could be of no assistance, how was any other to locate the pair? Verty couldn’t even tell the droid in which direction they walked towards… maybe she was less than the ideal K-2SO thought her to be?

K-2SO was nearing the hangar now – an almost abandoned area as any pilot off-duty was most likely to be found in more communal spaces in an evening on Hoth. But K-2SO did locate a familiar human. A golden-haired cargo pilot that had attempted to mate with Jyn Erso at the Rebel summit… and been impeded by the Major’s own biological urges… and fear of a certain space pirate. K-2SO knew true desperation when it engaged this human in a discussion.

“I must locate my human,” the droid stated. “We have met before. At the summit –“ 

“Yeah… you’re Captain Andor’s droid.” 

“Actually, he has lately been promoted,” the droid puffed itself up; finding – even in dire circumstances – that this cargo pilot needed to be aware of Cassian superior status. “Major Andor. Have you seen him?”

The man laughed; shaking his head in disbelief, “Just now. _The Major_ seemed to have his hands _full._ Not that I can blame the guy…”

“And just what are you implying,” order K-2SO fiercely. 

“Only that, if I was a space pirate and _Major_ Andor was trying that shit with _my_ girlfriend, he’d be left with much more than a scar across his cheek.” 

“Don’t you dare threaten the Major,” thundered the droid down at the puny human.

The cargo pilot just sighed, “Please inform both of them that the ‘checking the parachute supply’ gag isn’t going to pass-by anyone’s notice. I was just being a decent guy letting them believe I believed –“

K-2SO scurried up the only lowered cargo-ship ramp in the hangar; leaning over tall boxes of supplies and searching – the droid almost left the ship to search elsewhere when it heard a loud ‘thud’ from behind the cargo shipment. Followed by a breathy gasp – far too girlish and pleased with herself. And then the distinctly Festian voice; male and radiating euphoria, “Come here!”

The scene behind the boxes might have caused a number of screws to pop-off the droid’s mainframe. It processed a nest of white parachutes thrown haphazardly to the floor of the cargo ship; both humans’ uniforms abandoned in a corner as they lay together. Glazed-over eyes (both brown and green) stared straight overhead; like the dirty metal structure was the most awe-inspiring sight they’d ever witnessed. One of them, most likely Cassian and his more usually rational thought-process, had the foresight of pulling a singular parachute over their naked bodies – but it did little to hide the panting. Or the copious amount of sweat both humans were leaking. Cassian would have to rehydrate. Jyn Erso as well. Cassian stretched contently like a Loth-cat; one leg drifting out from under the parachute as he pulled Jyn Erso closer against him. For her part, Jyn was seemingly withholding a giggle; nuzzling against Cassian’s throat with a sly grin.

Naturally, K-2SO had witnessed Cassian smile before. Usually an uncomfortable-looking stretch of his lips or a tinge of one corner lifting upward. But not like this – Cassian’s mouth was opened wide as he regained oxygen levels. White teeth bared and his lips digging into his cheek-bones. K-2SO was almost alarmed that the Major had undergone some manner of spasm or seizure during the sexual act. 

“Rest up for round three,” warned Jyn Erso with a purr.

Cassian groaned, “Might need a bit more recovery time –“

K-2SO declared its presence to the pair, “But I am not ready to be done with Jyn Erso yet.”

“KAY,” Jyn Erso pulled the parachute over herself; blocking bare shoulders and all but her face from view – Cassian nudged the corner of the material to block his now flaccid penis.

“This… this development is very displeasing. Not just the witnessing of it – both of you should be much more skilled at hiding your fornication, by the way. But… I shall miss Jyn Erso. There: I have stated it. Mock me as you will. It’s your species’ fault. Not mine.”  
  
Cassian started, “Kay, I just –“ 

“Am I being transferred,” interrupted Jyn Erso; glancing at Cassian concerned. Her legs exited the parachute; inching towards the pile of clothes and dragged them closer. 

“No,” assured Cassian to her; directing K-2SO next with, “Jyn isn’t going anywhere.”

“Cassian –,” the droid sighed at its human. “It is biological. Nothing you can do … I realize that now. And forgive you in this failing…” K-2SO noticed a square wrapping on the floor; reaching to examine the used contraceptive packaging further. Golden foil. Tagline declaring it was made for ‘ _cosmic sexcapades_ ’. Expiration date confirming this was not one of Cassian’s past-due supply. The droid followed the trail of clothing towards another square wrapper. A different brand. This one boasting ‘thin as skin’ but optimal protection. Again, an expiration date not yet reached.

“You’d brought your own contraceptives, Jyn Erso. Well done,” complimented the droid; padding her gently atop her head. “Very well done. Most responsible.”  
  
K-2SO headed down the ramp before turning back to scold Cassian, “All of your condoms have expired. FIX THAT.”


	10. A Private Life

They’d agreed it was a terrible idea. No actual ‘ _sleeping_ ’ in the other’s cabin. Some form of restraint was necessary. Together: they already attracted far too much attention from the population of Echo Base. Much too much for either of their comfort levels.  
  
So, Cassian kept his behavior in check; recoiling when he felt the urge to touch Jyn’s elbow as she passed in the halls— and overused ‘ _Sergeant Erso_ ’ during their public conversations. Dropping the title so frequently, he would catch himself stammering to add ‘ _Sergeant Erso_ ’ to the end of each sentence he directed at her. And Jyn would only stare back at him unimpressed; rolling her eyes. Broadcasting that Cassian continued to fail in his attempts at being discreet. 

Which was particularly strange. Discretion had always been a finely honed skill of his; an almost natural trait that had caught Draven’s attention at an early age. Cassian was beginning to question if he even wanted to keep his newly forged ‘private life’ private at all…

Cassian felt his resolve slipping all the more when he awoke in Jyn’s narrow cot; a reassuring heat nestled against his chest – Jyn’s arms stretching outward in sleep to utilize her limited, usually unshared, space. And almost knocking him to the floor in the process.

It would have been an expected reaction: just to sling his legs over the edge, get up, gather his clothes, and leave. He’d done it before. She’d done it before. It was still early enough that his exit could go unnoticed by anyone but himself. And Jyn, he reminded himself; moving closer to her sleeping form. Cassian turned on his side; bracing himself as he rolled closer to the center of the cot. Feeling flushed and warm when Jyn’s steady breaths beat against his chin.

Cassian had never been a morning person. Never really had an opportunity to contemplate any particular period in his current planet’s cycle more than the rest. Mornings meant the start; more tasks needed to be completed. Another day to fight. And Cassian was grateful, even as a young boy, to wake each time. Sleep was a vulnerability. Waking never a guarantee.

But Cassian had heard gossip about ‘the morning after’; of waking in someone’s arms and leisurely enjoying— but nothing described could outweigh this feeling; of holding Jyn tighter. Of knowing, had he not woken this time, there was someone who’d have noticed his absence. As Jyn’s eyes started to blink, rapidly moving under eye lids before her lashes flickered open against the dim light, Cassian stared down at her; willing her to understand he’d have noticed if Jyn Erso disappeared too.

“Wha – what are you still doing here,” she croaked through a dry mouth. Sterner than she’d meant.

Cassian continued to smile at her; fingers grazing over the skin of her shoulder as he pondered ‘leisure’ and having calm mornings with your lover. Did anyone actually get that anymore? Or was it merely a myth? Something that dated so far back in time that the concept’s existence could no longer be proven? Maybe on wealthy planets. Or before the Clone Wars. Certainly no one from Fest ever got that luxury. 

Cassian whispered back, “I fell asleep.”  
  
An honest response for an honest mistake.  
  
But the incident felt less and less a mistake as Cassian burrowed deeper under her blankets. He even closed his eyes again; feigning falling asleep if it bought him a couple more seconds in this cabin. He felt the rough patches of Jyn’s fingertips brush over his forehead; checking his body temperature before flying into his hair. Jyn grabbed a fist full of hair and rolled over to tackle him deeper into the thin mattress.  
  
“So you’re feeling okay,” she surmised; rising to sit on top of him.

Relieved he was not immediately being kicked out, Cassian squinted his eyes open to view a bare chested Jyn Erso grinding down on his morning erection. The deliberateness of her movement growing more telling as Cassian felt a slick trail of wetness being left in her path. Pulling her closer, Cassian pressed his nose into her neck; leaving quick open mouth kisses—

Force, he could live off her smell! Like fresh laundry. But without the sterile antiseptic scent the Rebel Alliance washrooms always left behind on clothes. Jyn smelled of something he’d known in another lifetime. Lost memories of the warmest hut his family washed their clothes in; where the fires were always kept lit but low. Smoke. And fire. And laundry. All elements of home, Cassian identified as he buried his face against her; lowering to nuzzle her breasts as Jyn moaned desperately above him.  
  
His passion momentarily suspended when he heard Jyn ask, “Interested in a morning bonk?”

Cassian groaned; whimpering against her skin, “Killing the mood –“ 

“You’re still hard,” Jyn countered; taking him in hand and harshly running her palm down his length to prove her point.  
  
“More in spite of –“  
  
“Still counts,” argued Jyn; biting her bottom lip as she continued to roughly fondle him. “Would ‘bang the sleep out of each other’ be more romantic? An early morning pound-it-out?”  
  
In awe, Cassian observed, “How can you – _YOU_ – not be better at seduction? Every term; every phrase… it’s like you realized too early in life that everyone will (most likely) want to fuck you, so you never had to develop any skills.”  
  
“Kriff off,” Jyn exclaimed; hand dropping hold of his penis in frustration. “I’ve got serious skills, and you know it! Like you can talk –”

“Willix was very appealing; he had to beat the ladies off with a stick. And Joreth Sward was a master at flirtation. He had men and women eating out of his hand within seconds –“

“Alter-egos don’t count! I had enough of them, too. And those ladies knew how to work their feminine wiles—”  
  
“And when Cassian Andor finally got around to losing his virginity— ” continued Cassian with a smirk.  
  
“— I’m drying up just hearing you talk about yourself in the third person!” 

“ – It was with a much older, more experienced woman. Who assured him those thirty standard seconds of intercourse were the greatest she’d ever had,” Cassian relaxed his face; gazing up at Jyn and trying to appear serious.  
  
“I have so many questions,” stammered Jyn. But she just patted his shoulder sympathetically instead of starting an inquest. “However, I have one goal right now: boink the boink out of your boink!”  
  
“No one else ever says ‘boink’,” Cassian sighed defeated; pushing his shoulders off the mattress to capture Jyn’s lips. And hopefully silence her further crass depictions of sex. Cassian thought he’d succeeded when Jyn leaned over the side of the cot; searching through her duffle and pulling out a packaged condom. Some degree of unfamiliar morning delights were insight when Jyn ripped the package open with her teeth and rolled the condom down his cock.

Jyn’s hands slid across his chest; her hips rolling forward as she allowed his penis to skim her folds – only to pull back. Hovering just out of reach.

“I have one more,” she promised. “And then I’m done.”

Cassian nodded his consent as Jyn cleared her throat artfully; enticing in a low raspy voice, “I’ve got a party in my pants. And you’re invited!”  
  
He couldn’t help the swelling in his heart; sheer excitement at being on the receiving end of Jyn Erso’s tried and continuously failed pickup line. Still, Cassian couldn’t help but observe, “Neither of us are wearing pants.”  
  
“All the better,” noted Jyn as she sank down; taking him in one fluid motion with a practiced jolt of her hips. She was already gleaming at the desired affects: Cassian panting and gasping beneath her. His mouth opened wide and gaping like a fish suffocating on dry land.

They moved together in a haze; both brains still fuzzy with sleep and clouded with traces of the night before.

Cassian decided he _loved_ mornings. At least early mornings being slowly ridden by Jyn Erso. Her face scrunched with impatience. Lines on her forehead creasing over each other as Jyn sought a release. Cassian should have known slow and steady never equated with Jyn. Never for long. She quivered around him; grunting as she hastened the pace. It didn’t take long for Cassian to give up trying to form coherent thoughts or actively participant besides grasping her hips. Tightening his hold, he attempted to guide the motion – only to have Jyn moving faster above him; directing him,

“No. There – to the left!”  
  
Complying, he thrust upward; angling beneath her.

Cassian watched as Jyn’s hands reached forward to brace the wall above him; bending her knees inward to experience penetration at a slight incline. 

“That’s good, right?” Jyn prompted; studying his face intently as she slowed her pace. She was being cautious. Concerned over something Cassian really did not need to be reminded of right now.  
  
Her hips stilled completely when he failed to answer, “I need verbal confirmation that I’m not hurting your leg or I’ll stop –“ 

“Leg is fine,” urged Cassian under her. “You’re becoming as paranoid as Kay. And that was probably the aim, all along –“

“Kay sent me charts,” Jyn acknowledged; temptingly lowering her hips only to back away again. “Even added a few diagrams we could try – with annotation in case I needed every different sex position explained in depth.” 

“Sorry,” Cassian gulped.

Embarrassment over his droid was now tripling every week. The very thought that K-2SO was coaching Jyn in ways to please him was humiliating… It was the droid’s way of acknowledging that this was real: his relationship with Jyn Erso was on some level processing for Kay. However, Cassian could do with a bit less ‘participating’ from his oldest friend. Baze’s indifference, Chirrut’s knowing smile but never vocalizing his suspicions, even Bodhi’s avoidance of the topic was preferable to Kay’s constant inquires. Had Cassian reached completion? And, if so, how long had he taken? And had Jyn Erso also reached orgasm? And was he sure she was not ‘faking it’ because Kay had read human women can do that…

Jyn lowered herself again; jarring her hips spastically as she admitted, “I’m way past annoyance at this point. Kay’s… I’ve got to just laugh it off. Right?”

“Kay is very concerned over if your orgasming or not,” noted Cassian.  
  
Jyn’s face slipped into bewilderment for a moment before she seemed to convince herself to keep shrugging it off, “How very thoughtful of Kay.”  
  
“And Kay, as in everything, is very insistent: _Jyn Erso deserves to orgasm_.”  
  
“Agreed,” Jyn cheered herself on. “I do – I really do!”

As their grinding grew more frantic, the headboard beat against the wall. Creating a persistent clanging of metal on metal that seemed to bounce around the back of Cassian’s head. Jyn’s wails became less controlled; reaching a noise level Cassian knew K-2SO would deem unnecessary unless she was purposely exaggerating every squeal. But Cassian recognized the raw moment they were sharing. Perhaps both still a little too drowsy to be mindful of their actions completely. Cassian slipped a hand between them; pawing to locate the remedy for Jyn’s – 

A sharp pounding erupted overhead; mixing with the clamoring of the headboard and springs as it beat a calculated rhythm from the other side of the wall. And a tired voice screamed at them, “What are you two moof-milkers trying to prove? This is kriffin’ ridiculous! Quiet down in there!”

Shocked by the unknown male voice (who’s cabin had to be located opposite Jyn’s), Cassian choked out a thick response of, “Sorry…” before sitting up on the cot; pulling Jyn with him.

“No we’re not,” Jyn mumbled against his hair; flat hands molding into fists as she banged right back against the wall, challenging the neighbor with, “Make us!”

“This is a communal environment,” the man billowed.

Jyn spat, “Yeah. Like people other than _you_ inhabit it also –“ 

Cassian started to detangle their limbs – only to have Jyn press him down by the shoulders. She locked his gaze and smirked, “I’m close.” A tempting dare with a lift of her chin before she leaned forward to kiss him again; noses bumping as they slammed against each other. The creaking of metal and pants erupting at full blast – with Jyn now adding her fist knocking on the opposite wall to torment her neighbor further.

Jyn came with a loud shriek of approval that Cassian lacked the ego to assume was solely about his skills and not Jyn equally besotted with an excuse to annoy her neighbor. The clenching of her walls around his cock brought him near the edge. Cassian hissed for release – fighting the urge to whimper. But Jyn’s teeth scraped his neck; her mouth panting labored breaths against his ear as she started to recover. Now, she clung to him. Unusually wallowy. Muttering; begging for something Cassian couldn’t quite hear over the scraping metal and his heart thudding in his ears. But the exposure to ‘mornings after’, and Jyn allowing him to see her so raw, had Cassian lower his restraint. From the back of his throat, he roared loudly; filling the chilly air with uncensored contentment that seemed to shock Jyn just as much as himself.  
  
Later, she smiled at him; very pleased with the results, “We showed him, huh?”

It was to be viewed as another of their joint victories. This time, when Cassian moved off the cot, she didn’t prevent him from going. Just sat again; pressed to the far wall with her knees pulled to her chin and watched Cassian retrieve his clothes. Watched him dress casually; remarking,

“You always start with your socks.”  
  
Cassian just shrugged, “My feet are cold.”  
  
Jyn sat up taller, “And then the pants. Undershirt – and you’ll button all but the top four buttons before reaching for your boots. The top four wait until you’re just heading for the door –“

“I don’t always –“  
  
“You do,” Jyn confirmed with a nod. Smugly adding, “At least nine times out of ten.”  
  
Cassian stilled; observing his fingers linking through his shirt buttons – but ignoring the top four. Purposefully, he buttoned one more before searching out his boots.  
  
“Spoil sport,” Jyn teased. “You cannot deny you’re a creature of habit!”  
  
Cassian sat back on the cot; lacing his boots – and attempting to ignore Jyn moving to sit behind him; her hands spanning his back and moving… massaging his shoulder blades? Cassian tensed; almost forgetting how to loop his laces as someone he’d witnessed take down an entire squadron of Stormtroopers gently massaged his back—

He heard a soft plea to, “Stay. Just a bit longer.”  
  
“Already running late,” Cassian murmured back; leaning into her touch. Nimble fingers rose from his back; rubbing along his neck before tightening in his hair – Jyn spun his head around; peppering kisses along his jawline before Cassian relented for one final kiss; forcing himself to rise off the cot, “Meeting with Leia,” he tried to explain. “And you’d miss morning mealtime and the good caf if I stayed,” he attempted to add an incentive for her. 

But Jyn groaned, jamming a spare shirt over her head and complaining, “I have to train recruits today. Nothing can make that appealing!”  
  
“They’re more afraid of you than you are them,” Cassian headed for the exit; but Jyn pushed into him – in defiance, she buttoned his remaining three buttons; showing him, without fail, that she knew him. She understood that, even had he waited an hour or more, those buttons would be buttoned. It was inevitable. As certain as their meeting up again before their active hours were through. As unavoidable as any excuse they will come up with for these meetups.

  
“I’m not afraid,” Jyn told him; her fingers resting on the last button.  
  
Cassian asked, “Nervous, then?”  
  
But she shook her head at that as well.  
  
Cassian reassured her, “You wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t decided by the Council that you’d be a strong instructor that would inspire—“  
  
“So there was a meeting about this,” Jyn asked.  
  
Cassian shrugged, “It might have been a footnote in a larger discussion.”  
  
“So secretive,” Jyn taunted. She pulled him towards the door – hands grabbing his ass and rubbing him knowingly before remarking, “Keep those cheeks in check, Major Andor –“ and she threw him out the door; propelling him suddenly into the residential hallway…

Into a hallway not as bare as Cassian had anticipated. Rebels stopped in their tracks; noticing the Major stumbling out of Jyn Erso’s cabin. It was a far-off hallway, the soldiers’ bunks. Barracks strategically designed and placed. Small, single-cot rooms nearest the hangar. No bunkmates to be disturbed by erratic mission schedules. No loss of time should pilots need to report for battle.

But also no reason for a commanding officer, with a room more central to command center, to be lugging around. Cassian was nowhere near neutral zones: the mess, meeting halls, or observation deck. There was truly no excuse for the Major to be here; at this time. Except, maybe, if he was making passionate love to Jyn Erso last night. And this morning. Both utilizing their fleeting hours of shared free time.

Cassian panicked; his first instinct was to beat against the now closed door and demand Jyn let him back inside. When a group of young women giggled as they walked past him to mess, Cassian straightened his stance; jutting his chin outward to look serious and intent; have them worrying over the newest cuts he’d make to their departments. Or a greater rationing of blankets.

After all, he had nothing to be ashamed of! Two consenting adults had sex last night… and this morning. And might have a couple more encounters before nightfall on Hoth. If meetings don’t run over. Or Jyn isn’t sent away on another mission.

With a measured pace, Cassian walked through the barracks; keeping his back straight and face stern – like he was inspecting the place. Because no one wanted to question an authority figure during an official inspection. However, someone was looking for just that:  
  
“Finally,” a male voice called behind him, “Someone from Command.”  
  
Cassian turned; finding himself staring at a stocky young soldier with a buzz cut. And a deep frown. Layers of purple rings under his eyes. Thin lacerations along his cheeks – mud still splattered on his hands. This was someone fresh out of the field. 

“What can I do for you, soldier,” Cassian inquired; formally placing his hands behind his back.  
  
“Sergeant Kes Dameron,” the man introduced himself; managing a quick but polite salute. “Squadron just arrived from Talgret for relocation… there is a problem with the bunk I was assigned.”

“I really have no control over cabin assignments,” admitted Cassian. “But I can direct you towards that unit –“  
  
Dameron shock his head, “The room’s fine. Better than where I’ve been sleeping prior. But… my neighbor. She seems to have some problems.”  
  
Cassian was concerned, “Do you fear she’s sick? Injured?”

The sergeant blushed, “That’s not her issue. At all. Look: I’m not a prude. I’m really not! But I’ve not slept in days and have no idea how fast the Council will be processing our reassignment. I just want sleep—“

Cassian cocked his head to the side, “And your neighbor is hindering this…”  
  
“She’s loud,” Kes Dameron accused. “Really, really, really _LOUD_.”

The Sergeant waved a hand in the air; motioning the Major to understand the implication --

Cassian eyes widened; realizing just who Dameron was. And who this loud woman had to be.

Trying to be diplomatic, Cassian promised, “I can assure you, I’ll look into this – and discus this problem with her.”  
  
Sergeant Dameron appeared hopeful; looking determinedly around, “I’ve managed to track her to this hallway. I’m certain she has to bunk here –“  
  
“I believe you,” Cassian told him. “And I’ll be dealing with this matter personally. Why don’t you head back to your cabin and get some sleep while I –“

“Fancy seeing you here, Major,” Jyn purred as she passed; looking far too composed. Cassian felt even more indecent as she stopped next to him. He realized his hair had to be sticking up in the back – she’d taken the time to smooth and arrange her own before heading out.

Cassian stiffly replied, “Always a pleasure, Sergeant Erso –“ hoping to get her moving again.

But she stayed; jetting a hand forward to meet Kes Dameron’s. “So Major Andor is assisting you with something,” Jyn observed too quickly; hearing Dameron’s vague story of events.

“Someone’s being a rude neighbor,” interrupted Cassian; raising an eyebrow at Jyn’s confused expression. 

“That’s terrible,” Jyn directed to Kes Dameron. 

“I just don’t understand why everyone can’t just be respectful,” Kes implored. “We’re fighting a war; some of us being flown in for a few hours and want a little bit of peace –“

“True,” Jyn nodded. “Very true.”

“And I’m not a prig,” Kes defended himself. “If you’re lucky enough to be having sex during war: good for you! But that doesn’t mean be a show-off about it!”

The situation registered for Jyn; Cassian watched as the hand holding her chin pensively rose to cover her mouth – where a grin was fighting to sprout.

“To be fair,” noted Jyn. “- the female orgasm is much harder to reach than a man’s. When something’s working for us ladies, we really have to ride it out. We don’t just get to imagine a warm wet place, and come—“ 

“Interesting point of view,” Cassian gawked in disbelief. “Perhaps Sergeant Erso will assist me in locating this culprit and you can get a few hours of sleep, Dameron?” 

“— I like him,” Jyn observed of the retreating figure. “He has this twitching, nervous, killjoy quality…. almost reminds me of someone…” 

Cassian ordered, “Leave him be.”

“We should find him a girlfriend,” said Jyn as the pair started walking again; skirting the hangar and heading towards the control room. “— Or boyfriend.”

“Don’t,” Cassian said. “Why are you following me?”

“Following? I’m walking with you; walking you to your meeting,” Jyn looked offended and stammered, “It’s a couple’s thing, or some shit. May I hold your datapad?”

“Is that a euphemism?”

“No… “ Jyn then asked, “Would you like it to be?” 

“Jyn –“ 

“OHHhh, you have such a nice datapad. The biggest datapad in the whole –“

Cassian scolded, “If you’re trying to make me blush before my meeting—“

They rounded a corner to find K-2SO waiting outside the meeting hall; clutching a datapad.

“Not fair,” Jyn groaned. “You let Kay hold your datapad; but I can’t?” 

“Cassian,” the droid greeted him. “Since you failed to return to our cabin last night, I underwent the rudimentary task of delivering your datapad for y _our_ meeting with Princess Leia.” 

“Thank you,” Cassian said; reaching to retrieve his datapad only to have the droid pull it out of reach. “… really? Fine! Kay, thank you so very much for doing what every other droid in the Rebellion does several times a day without hesitation –“ 

“I am not like other droids,” boasted K-2SO proudly; lowering the datapad slightly. Cassian still had to leap to receive it.  
  
“You certainly are not,” agreed Jyn; smiling too fondly at K-2SO for Cassian’s comfort. 

The droid continued, “I avoid all interactions with the lesser droids. They will never achieve my level of consciousness. And it’s tedious to pretend otherwise. Oh, and Jyn Erso—”

“Multiple orgasms. Used protection. Attempted diagraph 3-DH. Cassian seemed a bit squeamish. I found it impersonal –“ 

Cassian chided, “I’m really not comfortable with our sex-life being discussed –“

“It’s just between us,” announced K-2SO; rolling its neck left and right to prove the hallway vacant. A stark contrast to the now lively barracks.

Jyn shook her head, “I think when he says ‘our’ sex-life, Kay, Cassian is meaning just me and him.”

“That’s ridiculous,” the droid observed. “I’m just as involved as both of you –“

“NO,” Jyn reasoned. “You’re not as involved –“

Cassian choked out, “AND you shouldn’t be. At all!”  
  
“It affects my manner of existence,” countered the droid. “And I’ve taken the time to research and gather data to ensure you both execute an active, pleasing, and experimentative sexual relationship—“ 

Someone cleared their throat from the doorway. Of course, Cassian lamented. There stood Leia Organa; surveying the scene with fascination. It had to have been the political upbringing keeping her from laughing as even Jyn reddened. His tongue felt impossibly heavy as he stammered a ‘ _morning_ ’ in greeting.

“Morning,” Leia replied; eyes zooming back and forth to gage each reaction. “Jyn, it’s been awhile –“  
  
“Hey,” was Jyn’s bashful answer; looking down at her feet. Anywhere but Leia. Cassian had his suspicions about why Jyn was ill at ease with the younger woman. And, with Leia bearing witness to this latest scene, Cassian knew Jyn would engineer more opportunities to avoid the Princess in the future.

“Shall we,” Leia asked Cassian; jerking her head towards the meeting hall. “Supply runs aren’t going to organize themselves.”

Datapad in hand, Cassian moved inside the room; hearing Leia close the door behind him.

“Did you read the proposal from Mechanics,” Cassian started; breaking down into business-mode as he turned his datapad on. It was a strong line of defense in this situation.

But Leia wasn’t letting it go, “Interesting sex-life, Major Andor?” 

“No,” Cassian stammered; swift fingers flipping through files before locating the mechanics’ proposal. “Not at all – bland. Standard. I have a standard sex-life –“

“Ouch,” Leia noted. “Feel bad for Jyn now…” 

“We’re not discussing this,” said Cassian; holding up his datapad and pointing to a graph of food shortages.

Leia nodded; taking a seat next to him and finding the same graph in her datafiles, “Let’s feed the Rebellion, then!”

“For the record: my droid is not involved,” Cassian explained.  
  
Feigning ignorance, Leia asked, “With the food shortages?” 

Cassian groaned, “In my sex-life. Just me. And Jyn.”

“Please say it’s better than standard,” Leia muttered back; scrolled down a long plane of text suggesting what planets might be viable options for negotiations. The vast majority more open for bribes. 

Eyes meet over their datapads; a moment of mutual respect as Cassian nods; brushing off a grin when Leia cocked an eyebrow at him.

“It’s good,” admitted Cassian softly.

“Good,” Leia challenged; unimpressed.

Relenting, Cassian assured the Princess, “It’s phenomenal! Now, how about that grain crisis –“ 

“I’m glad,” Leia said. “You both deserve a little happiness.” 

“I do know of a contact in Hapes,” Cassian observed changing the topic; typing a note into the research. “Naboo is also a safe bet.”

“We could send an envoy to Naboo,” sighed Leia; yielding as she had already delved into as much of his personal life as Cassian was currently willing to share.  
  
And then Han Solo rushed in; because of course Han Kriffin’ Solo would interrupt their meeting when they were just starting to make headway!

“I’m leaving,” he informed Leia; eyes locked only on Leia. Cassian even waved a hand through the air – but continued to be ignored.  
  
“Oh, and where do you think you’re going,” Leia hissed back.

“To get grain,” answered Han like it was the most obvious response; like they all should have just assumed Han would be solving this crisis today!

“Groundbreaking, moof-brain,” Leia leaned back in her chair; folding arms in front of herself as she surveyed the smuggler by the door. “And just how do you think you’ll be able to manage that one? Grow it out your ears?”

“Chewie and I will ‘ _commandeer_ ’ a cargo ship heading into the Imperial Base off –“  
  
Cassian interrupted quickly, “We’re actually trying to keep this exchange diplomatic. You know, to not alienate any planets for when we form our own government and need to have open trade routes throughout the galaxy –“ 

Neither reacted to Cassian words. Just continued shooting insults at the other. Leia was now on her feet; prodding a fingertip into Han’s chest.

“So you’ll either be killed or I’ll have to trade vital information and/or prisoners to retrieve you from an Imperial prison.” 

“— _OR_ I save the day, your _Highness_ ,” Han barked back with a mock bow.

“I won’t do it,” promised Leia with a sneer. “I won’t give them anything for you, you bantha licker! You can rot in prison for all I care. Too many decent Rebels have sacrificed everything for our intelligence. I’m not about to give it all away because Han Solo was feeling heroic one morning –“

“Just filling you in,” Han headed out the door.

Leia sat back down; fingers drumming over the tabletop before saying, “He’s not really going, right? I cannot believe (even a dunder-head like him) could be that very stupid!”

Cassian opened his mouth to respond – only to be cut-off by Leia; already on her feet and heading out of the meeting hall, “I will be right back,” she promised.

And as the door closed behind her, Cassian could faintly hear her calling down the corridor, “ _Come back here, laserbrain!_ ”

Cassian scrolled through the supplied research; trying to map out his own plan of action to suggest when Leia managed to return – but his eyes drifted over to Leia’s still unlocked datapad. An alert sounded with a brief message flashing along the top: **New Chapter Posted in ‘ _A Tale of Two Captains_ ’**. With a light beep, the file automatically downloaded to a save folder Leia already had; a folder apparently titled ‘highly confidential: _NOT PORN_!’

Pointedly, Cassian averted his eyes; skimming through his old mission reports as he waited. Within minutes, boredom had Cassian reorganizing his files in reverse alphabetical order – but his thoughts kept creeping back to the folder ‘NOT PORN’. Almost as temptingly suspicious for the former spy as ‘highly confidential’. The combination proved too intriguing to ignore. Checking the doorway, Cassian gently sat his datapad on the table; cautiously picking up Leia’s instead.

His breath hitched when he opened the file ‘NOT PORN’ – and discovered the only material inside was titled ‘ _A Tale of Two Captains_ ’. Selecting the file, Cassian watched eagerly as pages and pages of text appeared in front of him. A prompt alerted him; asking if he wished to open all chapters at once. A poor decision, Cassian realized; as it took forever for all seventy-five chapters to download.

Cassian started to read; palms sweating when he realized the character just happened to be named _Jyn_ : a bold fifteen year old who’s bored with her life and thinks she has all the answers. And recently split with her protector _SAW_. If Cassian hadn’t memorized all the files about Jyn Erso over two years ago, he might have suspected – but no! None of this was accurate. He still blushed when the story’s _JYN_ met a space pirate named Horatio along the docks. To secure passage off the planet, _JYN_ offers Horatio her virginity – and the man (who Cassian suspects is too old to even consider exploiting a teenager and really should be ashamed of himself!) goes along with it; recoiling only at the last possible second, telling _JYN_ she shouldn’t barter herself because no one gains freedom that way.

Cassian’s eyes had never rolled so far back before. Not until he reads Horatio’s second soaring speech about ‘ _freedom_ ’ within paragraphs of each other! But they seem to gear the desired outcome. _JYN_ still loses her virginity to Horatio the cad; which gets her off the current planet and stranded on a new one because Horatio, loveable asswipe that he is, decides  _JYN_ was forcing him to feel ‘too much’ and he couldn’t stand disappointing her in the future – 

“So you’ll just disappoint her immediately,” scoffed Cassian as he read. “What a piece of –“ 

The next few chapters are more of the same: _JYN_ is struggling to survive on a new planet – and when she finally does succeed (because even this story’s _JYN_ is as self-sufficient and adaptive as the Jyn Cassian loves), guess who show’s up to ruin everything? HORATIO THE MOOF-TURD. Worst yet, Horatio continuously coming back only when _JYN_ no longer needed/wanted him was described as these sweeping romantic gestures. And always resulted in Horatio ‘teaching’ _JYN_ a new sexual act.

Cassian was beginning to read ahead of sections; grimacing when he noticed the glaring _HORATIO_ word was appearing again in two paragraphs. He managed to speed through the first few chapters, waiting for _JYN_ to realize she could do so much better than this space pirate when… she was kidnapped by Rebellion fighters and getting into insult matches with a nauseating little ‘do-gooder’ who was sulking the majority of the chapter or arguing that his mission would be a whole lot easier without her. “ _A darkly turbulent soul –_ “ the man was described. “ _An ashen face devoid of humor –_ “ “ _Sharp, aghast features –_ “ 

 

 

 _“I don’t care what the Council wants,” Jyn spun around and declared to the stoic Rebel Captain. “I’ll never trust you!”_

_“And why would I trust someone like you,” he spat back. “You’re just as disgusting to me as any political opportunist!”_

_“Curse you, Captain Andor,” Jyn screamed into the wind. “You should have just left me to die on Jakku!”_

 

 

We’ve never even been to Jakku, Cassian wanted to argue with these characters. And Jyn and I never said –

 

 

_The repugnant Captain Andor struts closer; hot breath beating against her face, “It’s not too late yet for that,” he threatens; bitterly taking his seat in the cockpit with the door to the desert still open; calling to Jyn for an easy, quick death. She hears the engine starting; feels the craft begin to lift into the air. Jyn moves for the latch; preparing to close it—but then ponders her life. Her sorry, lonely, pathetic existence. And maybe she never would see her love, her Horatio again –_

 

 

“Oh yeah,” Cassian complained aloud. “HER LOVE. The sorry prick is probably fine somewhere. Don’t think I’m that lucky to have him die off –“

 

 

 _Jyn leaned out the latch; closing her eyes and smelling sand. She imagined it would be a painless death. Easier than a blaster wound. Calmer than battle –_  

_“What are you doing,” thundered a voice; strong arms pulling her back and jamming the latch shut. Jyn tripped; forcing both herself and Captain Andor to topple over. She landed atop the Captain's lap; feeling a telling pressure pressing against her backside. Jyn scrambled to her feet; fighting off Captain Andor’s attempts to help her and ignoring his excuses that it wasn’t what she thought! Nothing changed the fact that the Captain was rock hard; his littlest soldier standing at full attention. Ready and alert._

_When Jyn finally escaped his clutches and stood again; she hesitated briefly before slapping the Captain across his cheek –_

 

 

Cassian groaned again at the situation, “Jyn doesn’t slap. She punches!”

 

 

_“HOW DARE YOU,” Jyn accused the Rebel. In fury, she glided towards the back of the craft; searching for the first room she could lock herself within._

_Later, Jyn would learn that was the first time Captain Cassian Andor had achieved an erection from actual human contact._

 

 

Cassian breathed harshly through his nose; reading and rereading the claim until he had to accept it stated exactly what he’d read the first time.

WHAT THE ACUTAL KRIFFIN’ FORCE IS GOING ON!?!  
  
New mission, Cassian decided. LOCATE THIS AUTHOR. Before Jyn finds out about this sick piece of fiction!

And Cassian had a number of things that needed to be redacted immediately! Downloading ‘ _A Tale of Two Captains_ ’ onto his own datapad; with a similarly titled file folder he named, ‘THE OPPOSITE OF PORN’, Cassian acknowledged he wasn’t even 52% into the current story. His detailed list of falsehoods and complaints was only going to grow!


	11. Women Got To Stick Together

“Sergeant Erso,” Princess Leia Organa’s voice floated through the crowded hallway; stopping Jyn in her tracks and beckoning Jyn backwards with a frank, unyielding, gaze.

Jyn did not miss the pleased lift of Leia’s forehead when Jyn rounded to stand before her. Or slight skip in her step as the Princess turned on her heel; marching down an adjacent passageway and directing over her shoulder, “Follow me, Erso!”

Expectations of an urgent mission or sitting in on a briefing that might change the entire outcome of this war flickered and then melted away as Leia moved past the meeting hall and Command. They walked in a line down to the lowest level of Echo Base; stopping only when Leia opened a door for the shooting range.

On a low table, Jyn surveyed an array of different blasters. Gleaming and smelling of fresh welding. Blaster rifles with all the bells and whistles – and then sleek little repeating pistols that could be discreet; easy to hide until necessary— 

“What are we doing here,” mumbled Jyn as she ran a finger over the surface of a sporting blaster that took her fancy; admiring good craftsmanship and impeccable design.  
  
Leia passed over a pair of sonic-noise expunging headgear; securing a pair over her own ears before explaining too loudly, “TESTING NEW BLASTERS FOR FIELD.”

“Why,” Jyn asked; motioning Leia to remove the headgear for a moment and repeated her question, “Why did you need me…”

“I value your opinion on the subject,” complimented Leia with a shrug; pointing down to a turbo blaster rifle. “Reportedly a lot of kick-back with this one.”

“Used to a kick-back,” explained Jyn; adjusting the headgear and putting on a pair of protective eyewear before taking the rifle in hand. “PARTISAN BLASTERS WERE ALL THAT WAY. THEY TRAINED US MAINLY HOW TO TAKE A PUNCH AND KEEP YOUR BALANCE AFTER FIRING!”

Fondly, Leia remembered, “The blaster papa taught me with had a clip that would stick. I’d be hitting targets’ left and right, and then it would stall. He always laughed at that. Think he thought it kept me humble.”

Jyn’s grip tensed; knuckles white as the situation always meshed into the same feelings of guilt where Leia was concerned: _your father died because of mine. Your homeworld no longer exists because of_ …

However many times Leia said they shouldn’t think that way, Jyn couldn’t stop. Perhaps Jyn was too much a creature of vengefulness to understand Leia not seeing this connection and running in the opposite direction. But Leia had wrath, Jyn was sure. Just chose to direct this wrath relentlessly at the Empire. Leaving Jyn alone in amounting the guilt she should feel; tripling that quota to compensate for what Leia refused to send her way!

Jyn rested the blaster rifle on her shoulder; angling with her mouth open – and braced a breath before aiming her shot. The erupted energy surged towards the target; piercing with numbing blue color. 

Leia clapped, “NICE!” 

When Jyn lowered the rifle, Leia continued, “Did your father teach you, too?”

Narrowing her eyes at Leia, Jyn said, “You’re not trying to bond with me, are you? Don’t try to bond with me.” Jyn shook her head, “But no… I don’t get the impression he was a great marksmen.”

Just a brilliant scientist who found a different manner of mass destruction.

“Of course I’m not trying to bond with you,” remarked Leia with a sly grin. “That would be ridiculous. And impossible.” 

“And shows terrible judgment on your part,” Jyn coached; Han somehow entering the equation in this instance as well. “I expect better of you!”

Sighing with a prolonged tiredness beyond her years, Leia admitted, “Everyone does!”

“My mother used to shoot at targets on the far-side of our farm,” Jyn recalled. “And (the few times I was allowed to watch) I remember her being good. But I didn’t touch a blaster until the Partisans.”

Saw must have taught her. Though the training blended together now; years and years of gripping weapons made it difficult to remember a period where her confidence in any conflict did not come from the feeling of a blaster strapped against her thigh or handle pressed in her hand. 

“I’ve never had a female friend before,” acknowledged Leia bleakly. “I keep thinking about being an adult and how my mother behaved… she had female friends. A giant gaggle of them. Sure, I would flee from boredom wherever they gathered; usually begging my father to take me shooting again –“

Jyn couldn’t resist smiling at that; locking eyes with the other woman in a moment of amity. For whatever has transpired, Jyn wondered if they would have been similar little girls. Restless with a hint of mischief that left their parents a tad nervous. Had they both come home too late with new scrapes and bruises? New plots in play for the next day? In another lifetime (or had the plans for the Death Star not gone missing after Scarif and Alderaan not been obliterated with Galen Erso’s design) could she and Leia have been _friends_? 

“The women on Coruscant used to do the same,” said Jyn. “I remember them stacked up in these colossal rooms and gossiping all afternoon. But my mother was never invited. Not that it bothered her but –“

“Why,” asked Leia; looking peeved at the decades old slight on a woman long dead.

Jyn mused, “Probably both my parents were considered too common and rough for socializing. Just the grunts doing the labor for the glory of the Empire. I don’t think they minded, really. And my mother was always more radical-minded. I think she’d have rather poked her eyes out and ripped her ears—“ 

Leia nodded understandably as Jyn trailed off; asking, “What do you think they talked about?”

“Stuff,” Jyn responded; passing the rifle over to Leia.

“But what kind of ‘stuff’ do women talk about,” Leia asked. “Statistically, there should be an equal distribution of male and female species in the Rebel Alliance. So, why do I feel…”

“Surrounded by men? All the time,” Jyn groaned loudly. “If I have to hear about the Kessel Run and how many parsecs _certain_ men think it would take them to –“

“Try hearing Han brag about his ‘less than twelve parsecs’ run,” Leia announced; aiming and shooting the target low… lining up where someone’s groin might be located.

Jyn shuddered at the smoking target now, “Cassian thinks Han is lying. Claims it’s impossible.”

“You’re lucky,” Leia smirked over her shoulder at Jyn. “Andor might be the only one not obsessed with Han’s little fables of fame!”

“Nah,” Jyn shook her head; inspecting the other blasters on the tabletop again. “He is. Just playing it coy because he hates to let on that he’s interested in anything related back to Han Solo. Watch him! Every time someone is talking about the Kessel Run, Cassian always joins in with his thoughts. Thinks (with Kay’s help) he could do it in fourteen parsecs: still impressive. But manageable.”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Leia joined Jyn by the table. “We’re not going to get sucked into this debate again! Girl-talk. What counts as girl-talk?”  
  
“Boys,” Jyn sneered with a wrinkled brow. “Sex tips? How we’re exfoliating here on Hoth?”

“All of that sounds very dull.” Leia inspected the handle of a smaller blaster; checking the balance on her wrist, “Check out this one!”

“Compactable,” Jyn noted; checking the settings on a sporting blaster instead. “I don’t know… I get that smaller blasters are easier to maneuver with; but it seems like a blaster like this one makes the enemy shut up and pay attention!”

“Blaster doesn’t make the man,” teased Leia; laughing at the innuendo. “My papa used to say that when someone was acting a little too… sure of themself.”

Jyn tried to restrain the smile itching along the sides of her mouth, “Wise words. I still say this one will get the job done quicker!” 

“It’s about technique,” Leia continued. “Technique and accuracy. Anything else is just show.” 

“Come on! You’d rather be waving this one about in a battle,” Jyn raised the larger weapon into the air. 

Tentatively, Leia took the blaster from Jyn; mirroring the other woman by waving the blaster in the air, “I do feel more powerful and confident with the big one.” 

“Yeah, you do!” 

Leia gestured down to the table, “Interested in having one set aside for you?”

Jyn grinned back, “Thanks, but I’m sticking with Cassian’s.” 

“Kriff, I get it,” Leia waved a hand through the air. “Cassian has a nice –“

“No. I mean: yes. But I meant the actual blaster I stole from him. Great balance. Cassian keeps it under excellent maintenance still. Hasn't shot the thing in years (since we've just sort of agreed it's mine now) but likes to do the busy-work himself. And Cassian has filed down the serial number and handle so the grip is seamless –“

“Gross…”

“Don’t be a pervert."

“We’re friends now,” Leia told Jyn firmly; allowing no room for refusal or more excuses. “You are my friend. And we’re going to keep having girl-time culminating in girl-talk—“ 

“Don’t threaten me, Organa.”

“And we might, occasionally, be forced to talk about the opposite sex.”

“FOR SHAME!”

“And I might ask for advice.”

“Sex tips,” Jyn asked confused. “Cause I really think it helps if you continually take his breath away. And there are many ways to do that. First: a shovel. Hit future boyfriend in the face with a shovel – or your fist. The point is to enter the relationship with him knowing you’re spontaneous! Also, if ever on a planet that lacks oxygen, flipping off his oxygen supply momentarily when he’s angered you is a fail-safe way to demonstrate he’ll never meet another you!”

Grimacing, Leia seemed to realize she'd achieved her ends-- but also what that success might really encompass; repeating, “You’re my friend now.”

“Really lucked out, haven’t you?” 

* * *

 

In an amazing, blaster-shooting induced good-mood, Jyn headed for her cabin; actually feeling up to tackling the growing number of reports that needed authorizing, when she tripped over a younger woman sitting in front of Jyn’s cabin door; knees crossed as she waited.

Jyn recognized the girl as one of the newer recruits; someone Jyn had been tasked with leading through the training module while both awaited mission assignments.  
  
The girl leaped to her feet; submitted a salute to the Sergeant before stating her name as a much needed reminder, “Pvt. Goglus. May I speak with you?”

Opening her door, Jyn motioned the Private inside, “Unless it can wait –“

All stiff, military procedure dissolved at Pvt. Goglus entered the cabin; sitting herself on the end of the bed and paling; a chin trembling as the younger woman fought back tears, “I’m sorry for bothering you. Had no idea… my boyfriend has been assigned to Bosault last week and I’m not sure what to do.”

Unfamiliar with comforting (at least anyone not Bodhi, Cassian, Chirrut, Baze, or even Kay when needed), Jyn slowly rationalized, “Separation can be difficult. Especially with communications so strained…” 

The girl just shook her head; mumbling in short breaths, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“You go on,” stated Jyn a bit too callously. But if life had taught Jyn anything it was that: through everything, just keep enduring; just keep going onward. What else was there to do?

“But how,” Pvt. Goglus wailed. “And… we sort of messed around the last few weeks we had together. I’ve been late this cycle. Which could be the new lunar track on Hoth but…”

Jyn sat down at that; patting the girl’s shoulder briefly in understanding, “Um.. so… did you two… use anything? Condoms? Hormonal tablets from medbay? Contraceptive vaccines…”

The wails became outright sobs now; the woman blubbering into Jyn’s blankets as Jyn continued trying to ‘soothe’ someone by patting them briskly on the back.

“You might not be,” Jyn fumbled through her own thoughts. “It’s not as straight-forward as being sexually irresponsible a couple times and – _BAM!_ – baby. There have been couples struggling for years to get pregnant. For all you know, your boyfriend’s _TIE_ fighters struggled to find their target…”

“Is that a well-known saying,” the girl asked.

“… no. Not at all. I’ll probably try to work it into more conversations, but –“ 

“My life is over,” the Private dramatically declared. “Who the kriff has a baby during a kriffin’ Rebellion? What kind of person does that to a child?” 

“All of our parents,” Jyn calmly told the woman. “But they probably thought political stability would return at some point; whoever controlled the galaxy.”

“But it didn’t,” Private Goglus spat out. “It got worse. It always gets worse.”

Jyn’s hand found the woman’s hair; a mess of knots and crinks similar to her own. Timidly, Jyn ran her hands through the hair; recalling Cassian seemed to find this movement calming.

“Am I the only one you’ve told,” asked Jyn evenly. 

Private Goglus claimed, “There’s no one else… I thought you might know what to do.” 

Uncertain what that suggested about herself, Jyn ignored the implication; drilling into her memory what unplanned pregnancy meant during war. With the Partisans, it only seemed to result in death. Miscarriages. Messy births that had young Jyn hiding on the other side of a cave trying to ignore the screams. Puberty was a quick discussion with Saw. A quick and painful talk for both that amounted to basically: be responsible and don’t get pregnant. Something Jyn had managed so far in her adult-life. 

With a dry throat, Jyn assured the woman, “There are options. Lots of options if you are.” Looking down at the crumbling heap on her bed, Jyn told the woman, “Sit up. Dry your face.” 

Private Goglus submitted; obediently doing both. The young woman would make an ideal soldier – much more than Jyn could ever be. Jyn dragged the woman out the door, “First: we need to head to medbay and confirm –“ 

“I can’t have it on my record,” Private Goglus struggled out of Jyn’s grasp. “I don’t want _him_ to read –“

Jyn tried to be understanding to the woman just a few years younger than herself; to not roll her eyes at someone having unprotected sex… but being too bashful for the proof to be listed in confidential medical records. With a spark, Jyn had an idea. A crafty, somewhat devious, scheme. The kind Jyn thrived on.

“Come on –“ Jyn continued to drag the Private towards medbay; stopping just short of the public clinic and avoiding the detection of any medical droids on duty. Ducking into a small office space, Jyn motioned down at a chair; telling the woman to, “—roll up your sleeve.” 

Searching through a cabinet, Jyn pulled out a fresh syringe. 

Private Goglus cringed, backing away and pinning herself against the wall, “What are you doing?”

“I need your blood,” explained Jyn matter-of-factly; flicking a finger against the syringe in test. “I’ll walk over to a medical droid and submit a vial for testing. The results will be sent to me; on my datafiles –“ 

“But.. people would think…”

“Don’t worry about me,” Jyn promised the woman; attempting to smile warmth and confidence. Falling into a strained grimace instead. “It’ll be on my private medical files. It’s not like those are being processed and decoded every week by some ominous memory bank. No one will know.” 

* * *

If only Jyn had paused and realized K-2SO was _absolutely_ hacking into the medical files of everyone Cassian deemed ‘ _friend_ ’. Jyn Erso’s files being studied several times a day. Just to be safe!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably a bit obvious this chapter is just a set-up for the next; where K-2SO and Cassian will be having a mental breakdown in front of the Echo Base nursery. Really hoping to finish that chapter in a day or two. Look out for another update this week - ideally Friday or Saturday! Thanks for reading, everyone!


	12. RESULTS PENDING... ... ...

K-2SO was running it’s usual scan of the medical files when an update jumped to the top of Jyn Erso’s chart: _RESULTS PENDING_ … 

Highly irregular. Especially considering Jyn Erso’s lack of steady fieldwork in recent weeks. With no known medical ailment, K-2SO selected the file and downloaded the limited data within.

Jyn Erso had requested, on her own volition, a quantitative blood analysis.

A positive sign that Jyn Erso had not recently been injured during training modules and rushed to the emergency wing. But it was the note left by some insipid medical droid that burned K-2SO’s circuits: _Patient has requested findings submitted as ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’, without chart listing hCG hormone level distribution_.

WHY HAD CASSIAN NOT INFORMED K-2SO IMMEDIATELY OF THESE DEVELOPMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

“CASSIAN,” K-2SO blocked its human shuffling through the hallways. “CASSIAN I MUST SPEAK WITH YOU!”

Cassian tried to dip around the droid’s metal frame – forcing K-2SO to restrain its human by his coat collar in the process; slinging Cassian backwards against the far wall.

Cassian told K-2SO, “I’m actually heading into a… private _discussion_ with Bodhi to go over some concerns…”

“That will wait,” K-2S0 commanded; thrusting a datapad with Jyn Erso’s medical chart opened on the screen. “I am insulted by not being informed of this! _Pregnant_. You’ve finally managed to inseminate Jyn Erso successfully, and you both had me believing contraceptives were being administered rigorously –“

Cassian’s face was stricken with confusion; a naturally thin mouth almost disappearing completely as he frowned at the droid, “She’s not –“ 

“Did contraceptives fail,” inspected K-2SO. “Did you reach agreement that it was ultimately unnecessary? Or did Jyn Erso entice you with promises that it ‘ _felt better_ ’ without the layer of polymer microparticles encasing your erect peni—“ 

“Jyn’s not pregnant,” an angry Cassian growled at Kay. “I don’t care what that says… she would have told me. We use protection! Jyn would have told me if—“ 

“Every time,” accused a venomous droid. “I have informed you (several times) that contraceptives achieve nothing if not properly implemented –“ 

“I do understand how babies are made, Kay,” Cassian huffed; pushing away from the wall and back down the hallway.

Following, K-2SO surmised, “Jyn Erso is late this cycle; which I excused as a result of her refusal to consume nutritional nourishment… … … or perhaps you are not the father?”

“Of course I would be the father,” Cassian spat back at the droid – a tad too loudly; forcing other Rebels to race past the pair and advert their eyes from the Major. 

Perplexed at where it had errored now, K-2SO cautioned its human, “Now is not the time to be defensive, Cassian.”

Paling, Cassian ran a hand through his hair; admitting to the droid, “There might be a chance we… we _might_ have slipped at times. Been a bit lax. Thinking back, there were times I cannot definitively say we used anything. When we caught each other in the storage closet or alone in the meeting hall… it would just sort of happen and –“ 

“93 days. 1,9023 hours on this planet’s rotation period. Factoring in Jyn Erso’s sporadic mission schedule, I can report her offworld for at least a third of the post-initial copulation timeframe,” K-2SO reported to Cassian. “And, in an estimated 641 hours, I’ve clocked your time till completion as being anywhere from 7 to 10 minutes. So, in theory, even if you were having sexual intercourse (for an average of 8 minutes) once each available day, there would have been no shortage of contraceptives here on Hoth; so I fail to comprehend –“

“Where are you getting these numbers, Kay,” ordered a flustered Major.

The droid released its automatic groan sound, “It is my responsibility to –“

“And no,” Cassian almost smirked to admit, “We’ve not only been having sex once a day.”

“That is ridiculous,” K-2S0 rounded on its human. “Why ever would you copulate more than once (knock-out the biological impulse early) and than just go about your day in peace?”

“Because sex is fun,” Cassian declared; the echo rushing through the halls into the pleased ears of Han Solo. 

Han Solo hooted as Cassian passed, “Yeah it is, Andor! Yeah it is!”

Jamming his hands deep into coat pockets, Cassian told Han, “That’s Major Andor from you,” as he marched on by; K-2SO following obediently. Highly satisfied that its human was walking towards the medbay.

“Good thinking, Cassian,” K-2SO praised the man. “We shall use your status to receive the complete report. If they’ve not yet completed the analysis, you can urge them to move Jyn Erso’s sample to the top of the rotation. And I’d really like to suggest you press for a full paternity screening prior to giving any sort of public reaction–“

“I’m the father,” Cassian repeated; unnerving both the droid and himself at the level of commitment to that statement. Cassian clamped his mouth shut; seeming to examine the taste of the proclamation on his tongue: the father. _A father_ —

Cassian crashed to a halt when they rounded a corner; craning his neck as he noticed a young girl sitting atop a crate outside the mechanics studio; swinging her stunted legs idly as mittened hands drummed across her knees.

“Hello,” Cassian timidly approached the human offspring wrapped in her thick white puff-jacket. A scarf covered all but her round cheeks. “What are you doing here alone?”

“Waiting for da to get out of a meeting,” she replied.

“Cassian, you are acting too attentive. Human discretion dictates only a passing nod to offspring you are not genetically bound to –“ 

Cassian hissed under his breath, “I’m trying something, Kay!”

He smiled too wide now; a painful stretch as Cassian attempted to have a positive interaction with a human child. K-2SO surveyed the scene with concern; ready to intercede when this turned into a complete disaster!

“What’s your name,” Cassian coughed into his hand.

She glared in return, “I don’t talk to strangers!”

“Smart,” Cassian praised; nodding his head frantically. “Very smart. That’s some good natural instincts there! Or did your da tell you that? That’s what a da would do, isn’t it? Tell you stuff like that? Protect you even when he’s not around—“

“Step away, Cassian,” K-2SO jerked its head towards the medbay again. “Just step away from the small human.” 

“Are you okay, mister,” the girl asked.

Overwhelmed from a child’s concern (more a child’s _fear_ , K-2S0 noted), Cassian beamed, “Very okay. I’m gonna be a da… maybe? Possibly. And was just thinking about what you’d tell –“

“Premature,” warned K-2SO primly from the side. “Thus far, you _might_ have contributed to the existence of a sac of cells with the capacity of becoming a human child. It would take years for what you’ve contributed towards to form into the present child. And Jyn Erso might have already set her mind on termination. Hence your lack of inclusion in this situation.” 

Cassian whispered to K-2SO, “Don’t bring up ‘termination’ in front of a child.”

“Why,” asked K-2SO at the same volume. “She should understand, even with her limited years, that her existence is entirely based around –“ 

“Child friendly topics, Kay!”

“I’m eight,” the girl interceded. “I’m not a baby!” 

“Very true,” K-2SO gestured downward. “So Cassian should not attempt to work through his deep seeded trauma on your person.” 

“Eight,” Cassian prompted with very forced interest. “That’s impressive. Want to play a game? Kids like games, right?”

The girl narrowed her eyes; glancing over her shoulder to the shut door of the mechanics studio, “I guess.” 

Excitedly, Cassian sat next to her on the crate, “I used to love this one when I was a kid –“ he held up both pairs of hands; folding his fingers inward until his middle and index fingers formed ‘bunny ears’. “ _Fest snow-bun_ ,” Cassian sang poorly (lacking decades of practice) in the frosty air; gyrating his hands up and down to simulate movement, “ _Just hoppin’ along; looking for a carrot to eat –_ “

“How old were _you_ when you liked this,” accused the young girl.

Cassian dropped his hands to his lap; frowning when he realized, “Three, maybe…” 

“Cassian, it’s time to walk away,” reminded K-2SO knowingly. “While you can maintain some level of dignity.”

“Do you like word puzzles,” Cassian pointedly ignored the droid. “Those are great for passing the time?”

The girl almost looked intrigued by the question, “How does that work?”  
  
Cassian smiled again, “Think of an anagram.” 

“I… don’t know what that is…”

“Oh,” Cassian sat up straighter. “A moment to educate! An anagram is any word in Basic that can be rearranged to form other words. Come on, give me a word!”

“No,” the girl plainly responded; turning away annoyed.

“ _ON_ ,” Cassian proudly answered. “But usually you should try to challenge yourself with bigger words. More options with the longer ones…”

K-2SO loudly suggested, “How about ‘TERMINATE’. As in, it is time to ‘TERMINATE’ this social interaction, Cassian, because Jyn Erso might just as easily ‘TERMINATE’ her possible pregn—“

“Do you have to use all the letters,” the girl asked turning back around. “Cause ‘terminate’ could make ‘inmate’. Is that an anagram?” 

K-2SO praised, “Well done, eight year old. Funny you should go with that one, seeing as Cassian seems to be hopeful about reproducing with a former ‘INMATE’ who still hasn’t served her entire ‘TERM’ for crimes—“

“Imperial crimes don’t count,” Cassian excused.

“Da!” The girl leaped off the crate; racing over to lodge herself against the side of a mechanic just exiting the door.

K-2SO is more than ready to be heading over to medbay and find answers – but Cassian kept staring at the scene; watching intently as the father adjusted the scarf over his daughter’s face before taking her hand and walking towards the mess… was that a look of longing? Of Cassian wanting… something? It was similar enough to the glances the Major would throw in Jyn Erso’s direction; looks K-2SO had labeled as symptoms of ‘ _lust_ ’. Now, however, maybe that wasn’t entirely so… 

When the droid watched its human glancing down at his hands again (forming looping bunny ears with a lost, incriminating, expression), the droid accused, “You are not upset enough… why are you not concerned? This is a very serious situation!”

“I’m aware it’s serious,” sighed Cassian heavily. “There are… a lot of things to consider. A lot of things that might change.” 

K-2SO declared, “I detest change. And refuse to do so – I need you to order the release of ALL of Jyn Erso’s medical records in medbay at once. COME!”

K-2SO had its human propelling in the correct direction again; walking towards the doors of the open clinic. K-2SO dreaded having to interact with medical droids, turned to Cassian in the hopes he could manage the majority of the conversing required… but Cassian was yards away. His forehead pressed on a glass window as a little circle of vapor was formed from his mouth; beating against the window as he breathed in the sight. K-2SO approached, eyeing the enclosed room with alarms going off in its wiring. Whatever this was, K-2SO’s many programs were on high alert! 

Rows upon rows of tiny platform tanks. Cribs might have been what life forms called these contraptions? Wriggling and crying infants swaddled and turning varying shades of reds and purples as a single medical droid walked between them; checking their vitals.

“I like that one,” Cassian pointed to an infant on the far-side; looking calm and steady as all the others around it cried and wailed to cause a fuss (to receive a moment of attention from the droid). “Eyes keep darting around; taking it all in but not concerned. Just curious.”

“It probably just has indigestion,” K-2SO schooled its human. “Personalities would not be formed yet—“

Cassian shook his head in resistance of K-2SO’s blunt knowledge, “Nope. That one’s going to be a smart kid!”

“You want a child,” K-2SO deduced sternly. “You want Jyn Erso pregnant. And not just to solve this biological imperative! … I think you actually wish to be involved? To raise said child and –“ 

“Other people seem to be doing it,” Cassian vaguely answered; waving a hand towards the large number of infants currently housed in the nursery. 

K-2SO lacked the cruelty calibrations where Cassian Andor was concerned; refusing to state the obvious: more than half of these infants were orphans or likely to become so in the foreseeable future. Rows and rows of infants in a military base’s nursery did not equate the start of happy domesticity. 

K-2SO screened the nursery; trying to understand the possible appeal Cassian could be feeling. If not entirely rooted in mammal biology, what was there to gain advantageously within these plump wrinkled faces that looked all the same; like week old mush from the mess? How were the parents even meant to differentiate their offspring from the other babies? Did they have proper labeling in the medical wing? K-2SO doubted the medical droids could manage even a low-rate labeling system— 

“May I ask you a question, Major?” 

Cassian sighed, “You’re going to ask it anyway. Why fool ourselves?” 

“Would… am I to understand that male humans may differ in their involvement with offspring post-conception than other mammal species? My research indicated that male mammals, after achieving successful insemination of their desired mate, will move on to inseminate another (usually more genetically advantageous) match. I am surveying no such desires, as you are –“ 

Cassian gaged; swallowing thickly as if he’d choked on his own tongue.

“… Cassian…. _SWALLOW_ ,” the droid patted its human’s back fiercely. “Then answer. I had been apprehensive over Jyn Erso’s inevitable pregnancy because I assumed you and I would be moving on to your next mate; leaving behind Jyn and baby Erso. But your behavior indicates a prolonged interest in said offspring—“

Cassian stammered, “I’m going to be very direct with you, Kay—“

“Please do,” begged the droid. “Because this is really throwing my studies of your reproductive practices through a whirlwind!” 

Cassian said, “The only thing that will keep me from raising this child with Jyn would be death.”

K-2SO added this statement of upmost conviction to its datafiles, glancing downward at Cassian and inquiring, “Would all male humans be in agreement over that? Assured to actively raise offspring with their child’s mother? Or are you breaking a pattern with this impulse?” 

Cassian shrugged; K-2SO hated when it was answered by a lift and fall of the shoulder blades. In no way was that delivering a satisfactory answer to the proposed question! 

“I cannot speak for every human male in all the galaxy,” murmured Cassian as he went back to gazing at the infants through the glass. “I just know for me – and the men and women I was raised by – it would be a disgrace to willingly abandon your kin. The upmost, unforgiveable, act. Those who do it are pure moof feces. Smeared with even more moof feces.” 

K-2SO processed this declaration; finding itself relieved greatly that this human was its own. “I am… glad. Proud to have you as my reprogammer! I would have mourned the outright loss of Jyn Erso. I am even starting to ponder if baby Erso may not be as great a disappointment as I’d first surmised. At any rate, baby Erso may prove an excellent item for you to practice parenthood on. Prior to my future companion’s existence. Seeing you are so inclined towards nurturing now—“ 

K-2SO trailed off; noting its human’s attention elsewhere. Far too enticed by beady eyes watching them from the other end of the glass. Cassian again formed ‘bunny ears’ with his fingers. He was singing softly. His mouth barely opened to project the necessary noise as he sang, “ _Fest snow-bun_ , _just hoppin’ along; looking for a carrot to eat. Out leaps the loth-cat; clawing at a moth-rat— cause a loth-cat’s got to eat!”_

 _“_ Is this a well-known children’s parable,” asked K-2SO.

“It’s a beloved Festian children’s song,” Cassian explained breathlessly; making a goofy face and trying to maintain the interest of the one human infant aware of their presence on the other side of the window. “You morph your hands and fingers into the animals as, one by one, they eat each other. But then the cunning snow-bun tricks the loth-cat by blending into its surroundings—and the settlers of the nearby village slaughter the loth-cat and bring it’s carcass back to their village for a big feast as the snow-bun watches with a smile on its face.” 

“I insist on being in the room when you sing this in front of Jyn Erso for the first time,” the droid commanded.

“I think this one likes it,” Cassian told K-2SO; reluctantly watching the infant start to cry hysterically as Cassian formed the ‘loth-cat’ again.

“Kids don’t like me,” a deflated Cassian observed; sulking against the window now. “They never like me. That little girl didn’t like my games—and what kid doesn’t enjoy games?” 

“That infant seemed to enjoy parts of your song,” K-2SO attempted to calm the Major. “… for the most part. But infants cannot understand words or their meaning. Maybe that will prove an ideal age group for you to bond with initially; when they have no idea what you’re singing about?”

“What else do kids like,” pondered Cassian. “Sweets and candies? But those are hard to come by… do you think (if I can get candy) I should give some out to the rebel children I come across? You know: treats for affection kind of deal?” 

K-2SO reported, “Any decent parent would not like you interacting with their offspring. Let alone attempting to barter for their ‘affections’.”

Cassian wondered, “But shouldn’t I be showing Jyn that I can be good with children? Especially if she’s nervous and questioning if she should keep our baby?” 

“From what I’ve witnessed (if you are for keeping this mishap) maybe make a decided effort to keep Jyn Erso from seeing you interact with any children prior. It will fail to help your cause,” dryly informed the droid.

“I’m not really sure I like children,” admitted Cassian with a frown – through the droid failed to miss the hopeful rise of its human’s eyebrows when another infant raised its fist towards the window. “Or understand them. But I understand myself. And I think everything Jyn does is captivating—“

“That is so subjective, I don’t even know how to fix you,” K-2SO told the man.

“It only makes sense that I’d love our child,” rushed Cassian to explain. “If it’s a bit of Jyn and I, of course I’d love them.”

“You appear to be working through something,” said K-2SO. “I shall remain supportive and allow you to continue.”

“Should I propose,” asked Cassian. “I mean, no one wants to have a stigma over their kid’s head by strangers. It does depend on the planet how people born out of a marriage contract are perceived. Would Jyn resent me asking? Think it’s only because of the baby? I have been dropping hints but she’s never been receptive… could I live with knowing she’d only married me for the baby? That I trapped her into something she had no interest in—“

“CALM DOWN,” commanded the droid. “Do I even want to know what you consider ‘hints’ at this point?”

“I left tabs open on her datapad explaining what a legal marriage agreement would pertain—“ 

K-2SO stared down at its human in awe, “Of course you did!”

“And repeatedly explained to her that a marriage contract would be less of a hassle than us having to sign the nondisclosure agreement.”

“THAT WAS EONS AGO,” the droid deadpanned. “When you had only just started –“

“Too soon,” asked Cassian.

K-2SO explained, “I have so much to update now in my ‘Cassian Andor’ file. Did you possibly tamper with/damage any contraceptive device prior to intercourse? I demand to know that right away to properly judge you –“

“Never,” an offended Major retorted. “That’s… that’s horrible, Kay!”

“Agreed. But you are much too chipper about this development!”

“ _Chipper_ ,” a frustrated Cassian countered; stepping away from the window finally. “I am completely freaking out! My head feels like it’s about ready to burst open… do I have to discuss with my child what daddy’s done for the Rebellion? Share stories about watching my family slaughtered one afternoon? Give a running total of my own personal death toll? Of mommy’s? I honestly stopped counting after awhile but I guess I could estimate—“ 

“Cassian—“

“Do I need to explain to this kid that daddy was about to shoot their grandfather (just another person they’ll never get to meet) through the skull one time. But couldn’t because Galen Erso’s eyes were too alluring –“ 

K-2SO interjected, “You were sexually attracted to Galen Erso’s eyes?”

“THEY WERE JYN’S. I MADE THE CONNECTION TO JYN’S EYES. HAVE FUN UNPACKING THAT LEVEL OF DYSFUNCTION SON OR DAUGHTER!”

Cassian was trembling with subdued rage now; biting his lip and looking away. K-2SO patted his shoulder; reaching forward and gasping the man’s arm– mirroring the first interpersonal interaction the droid (upon reprogramming) had tried on the then child. And, like last time, Cassian stared up at K-2SO with tears leaking down his face.

“I can’t fail them, Kay!” 

“You won’t,” the droid assured him; not having to ask just who counted as the ‘ _them_ ’. “And I’m confident any of your offspring will be much more interesting than the dimwitted other children on this base. They’ll cherish your… eccentricities. Maybe wait for them to reach maturity to discuss matters of war, espionage, and assassinations… (and maybe discuss with Jyn Erso if the entire almost-assassination of Galen Erso should just be stricken from both your stories to this offspring… ). They will find great enjoyment in the songs and games you share with them!” 

Cassian ran a hand through his hair, “I just feel… I feel like I’m a father. That this new part of my life is forming somewhere—“

“Within Jyn Erso’s uterus,” quipped the droid; making sure Cassian did understand the basic formation of human children. 

Cassian glanced down at the datapad K-2SO was still clutching; _RESULTS PENDING…_

“I need to do something,” Cassian realized in that moment. “I need to prove that _we_ can do this.”

K-2SO started towards the open clinic again, “Like pressure the medical droids into processing Jyn Erso’s test immediately so we can inform her of the results?”

But Cassian was already digging through the medbay supply closet, “What would a baby need, Kay? Surely you’ve done some research on the subject—“

“The norm would be that an infant sleeps in those tanks behind the glass and is primarily cared for my the medical droids –“

“I’m going to be the primary care-giver,” declared Cassian; draping a yellow sling over his shoulder. Cassian gestured down as he adjusted the piece of cloth, “Put the baby in here, and I can go through my daily routine; briefings, debriefings, seminars over things every adult should already know –“

“You probably should not lead the seminar on safe sex,” K-2SO informed him.

Cassian challenged, “Or would it serve as an appropriate cautionary tale? Imagine Han Solo in my situation with an infant: everyone will be doubling up on condoms.”

“Your cabin would require certain safety precautions,” K-2SO warned the human as he moved old furniture and objects around the closet. “The majority of the electricity of the space is a death-trap in itself. And the ventilation is dismal!” 

“Could you do the rewiring,” Cassian ducked his head out of the closet; dark eyes pleading the droid for its expertise.

Standing straight at attention; ready for whatever battle formation Major Andor required, the droid nodded, “I can bring the cabin up to code before nightfall.”

“Wonderful,” Cassian praised; lugging a spare section of fencing over his shoulder. “Look, I found a play pen! Every kid needs a playpen! I can even bring this into the meeting hall or Command—“  
  
“You do realize your offspring will not be mobile for… months. It will probably just lie there; defecating upon its birth.” 

“Planning ahead,” smirked Cassian; pointing to his brain like K-2SO should be impressed. “I’m going to have all our options and what we can give the baby mapped out… so Jyn knows it will be okay. She’ll make her case – I’ll make mine. And we will reach the correct outcome for all of us.” 

K-2SO observed, “I feel like you are less confident in that conclusion than you are wanting me to know.”

“Ah—a toy,” Cassian brought a dirty stuffed animal out of a box. K-2SO assumed it would be whitish had it been properly sterilized. “A bunny. A Fest snow-bun? Can you believe my luck?” 

“… you consider that good fortune?”

Cassian just nodded with excitement, “Can you carry the crib back to the cabin, Kay?” 

* * *

Together, they prepared their cabin. K-2SO spent hours running programs and rerouting wiring to ensure an especially explorative toddler (considering Jyn Erso was involved, K-2SO factored the probability of a trouble-maker highly probable) would not be accidently electrocuting themselves and perishing in such a pathetic manner so early on in their existence. Cassian’s emotional attachment was already dangerously high levels.  
  
Cassian was standing in the open fresher, scrubbing away at the off-white snow-bun in the sink.

“Does it look snowy yet,” Cassian leaned out of the fresher; stuffed toy in hand.

“Depends. Would this be ‘snowy’ after a tauntaun herds passed through? It’s yellow in places –“

“Just from age,” Cassian looks down at the bunny; entering the small cabin again and placing the toy down on a banged-up crib they’d placed at the foot of Cassian’s cot. K-2SO had watched its human take out the better blanket and drape it over the crib – a place no one would be using for months still!

K-2SO drew the line when Cassian started to assemble the playpen in the far corner, “That’s my corner! Don’t give your still incubating offspring my corner!”

“We’re all going to have to make sacrifices for the baby, Kay –“

“BUT NOT MY CORNER,” complained the droid. “If you had impregnated Verty Salzer as I’d asked, maybe I’d feel more involved and be willing to accede my space to that genetically superior child. But this one does not deserve my sacrifice!” 

“You’re going to have to be kinder about the baby,” Cassian told his droid. “You started this whole scheme telling me ‘personal preferences’ factored. ‘Personal preferences’ have won.” 

K-2SO made sure to loudly drop its wrench; folding its arms across chest and looking away from its human, “I refuse!”

Cassian motioned towards his small desk and chair, “Imagine I’m working on a report. You are with Jyn on a mission. The baby playing in the pen. There’s no way I can finish my work and keep an eye on the baby – what if it hurts itself? Or starts choking to death?”

“That would be natural selection at work,” the droid coldly informed the man. “My corner is the ideal location for me to power-off and recharge after a grueling day. There is no way I’d willing give my corner up. Except maybe—“

“Yes,” Cassian eagerly prompted.

“I suppose if you were willing to also impregnate Verty Salzer for me. In that situation, I could prove much more accommodating towards baby Erso’s needs. If you inseminated Verty immediately, her child and baby Erso could even share similar developmental stages. Naturally, baby Andor would end up surpassing baby Erso—“

“No,” Cassian roared; face turning almost purple in frustration. Defiantly, its human continued setting up the pen anyway. Right where Cassian wanted it to be! K-2SO took long strides to cross the room; flipping the structure of the pen over and pressing itself into the corner of the cabin. 

“Baby Erso is also baby Andor,” Cassian argued with the droid. “And baby Erso-Andor is going to have the best possible start I can give them!” 

“Not in _MY_ corner,” the droid replied.

“There are two more functional corners for you, Kay!”

“Wrong,” the droid informed him. “That corner is too close to the fresher; I despise hearing leaky pipes when I power-up in the morning! The other blocks my view of the door—leaving me unable to properly stand guard over you as you sleep!”

“It’s only a corner!” 

“Then you use one of the other ends to build your baby prison!”

“It’s not a baby prison! It is a device to protect and structure the explorative nature of a toddler!”

“Jyn Erso will not be giving birth to a toddler! And why aren’t we placing the baby prison and crib in her cabin? I don’t understand—“

“My cabin is bigger! It can fit a growing family unit—”

K-2S0 told the man, “But Jyn Erso should be equally inconvenienced by this creature’s existence!” 

“We’ll all be equally inconvenienced, Kay. Cause I plan on asking her to move in here!” 

“So I’ll lose even more of my space,” whined the droid dramatically.

The door swiftly open, Jyn Erso smugly walked inside… like she and her embryo already owned the place.

“I need the template you sent out about counting the cargo shipment,” Jyn alerted Cassian. “I’ve got some time to kill and thought I’d knock-off a couple loads.”

“You really shouldn’t be lifting crates, Jyn,” Cassian softly told her; like anything too firm would hurt her gentle little heart. The droid scoffed! Turning its head to ignore them both but not daring to leave its corner.

“Is the shipment not all accounted for,” she asked; flipping her neck to watch K-2SO’s silent fit. “Is Kay powering-off mid-day?”

“I’m standing in protest,” the droid called over its shoulder. “And refuse to leave. Anything you two have to say—just say it?”

“Fair enough,” Jyn observed. “So are we not unloading yet for a reason or—“ 

“Please sit down Jyn,” Cassian took her hand and led her towards his cot. “I really don’t want to frighten you but—“ 

“Whoa! Why are you setting up a cage in Kay’s corner,” Jyn pointed to the droid. “Are… are you guy’s fighting? Does Kay have to be restrained?”

“Very humorous, I’m sure,” sneered Kay in their direction. “However, I do appreciate your admittance that this is, in fact, MY CORNER.” 

“I’m not trying to pressure you or anything,” Cassian continued in an even voice; a hand moving to steady on her knee. “Whatever you decide. I just want to show that… there is a way to try this. I truly believe we could make this work.”

“So you want to help me unload the shipment because Kay’s throwing a tantrum in its corner,” Jyn asked confused. “Because that could be interesting—“ 

“At least we know you won’t be getting impregnated in the cargo hold this time,” scoffed K-2SO at the blushing pair. 

“Quiet, Kay!”

“What the kriff are you on about now,” ordered a pissed Jyn Erso. 

Turning to inspect the pair, K-2SO informed Jyn Erso, “Once pregnant, it is not as if you could become more so. While idiots (such as Han Solo or Bodhi Rook) might assume that is how twins and multiple births are created, in matter of fact that is untrue. Once knocked up, you cannot become MORE _knocked up_.” 

Jyn Erso replied, “I’m not pregnant, Kay. But thanks for the lesson there.”

Cassian paled, “You’re… you’re not pregnant. Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m…” Jyn Erso’s eyes scanned the cabin; studying the playpen with keen interest now. Her eyes rested an uncomfortably long time on the crib and stuffed snow-bunny atop their very best blanket. K-2SO should have warned Cassian against using the best blanket for the crib! 

“You… you baby-proofed your cabin. You thought I was pregnant and proceeded to set-up your cabin for a kid before even seeking me out and asking….” Jyn wiped her head around to glare at the Major. “Why did you think I was pregnant?”

“Kay noticed you’d requested a blood analysis—“

Jyn Erso picked up the wrench from the floor and tossed it to hit K-2SO firmly in its metal torso, “Stop hacking the medical records, Kay!”

The droid frantically checked to ensure the wrench had not left a dent, “Cassian has the right to be informed if his semen has managed to locate a fertile egg. I’m so tired of these complaints about ‘ _boundaries_ ’ and the rights of the female to have privacy. Cassian has rights too! Cassian deserved to be part of the discussion involving you terminating a pregnancy!”

“I was never pregnant to begin with,” Jyn screamed right back to the droid; she released soft, shallow breaths (counting to ten in her head) before turning to Cassian; running fingers through his hairline, “A girl in my training module was freaking out – and I agreed to help. I submitted _HER_ blood sample in my name. Weird, I know. But she was giving me a headache and wasn’t going to grow up and do it herself… if I ever do think I’m… if your _TIE fighters_ ever possibly got through the _shield generator_ , you would be the first person I’d tell, Cassian. I don’t think I could even process that outcome without you.” 

Cassian leaned forward to kiss her forehead, “I might have acted prematurely,” he admitted.

“Did you pick out names while you were at it,” Jyn teased back.

“Now you’ll never know,” Cassian gestured around the room. “Please don’t let this freak you out. I will—I will return everything back to the supply closet. Or, better yet, see if anyone nearby has need of this stuff.”

Jyn brushed a brief kiss against his mouth, “That’s very kind of you. I’ll—be off then.” 

With its corner no longer in danger, K-2SO exited after Jyn Erso; following an inch from her back as they retreat from Cassian’s residential hallway.

“What now, Kay,” Jyn demanded over her shoulder. “Going to tell the whole base I’ve got some rare disease that makes me more annoying than usual?”

“For the record, I did believe you to be pregnant,” the droid defended itself. “And spent the greater part of my day assisting Cassian in installing protective measures in our cabin to assure your progeny wouldn’t kill itself in infancy. It’s almost as if you owe me a favor?”

“Really,” Jyn spat at the droid. “Because it’s almost as if you told my boyfriend I was pregnant and started Cassian on a life-altering project without any solid evidence, and now you’re following me around base. So in what reality would I ‘ _owe_ ’ you a kriffin thing?” 

K-2SO quickly informed her, “Cassian, once informed of the possibility you had conceived, suggested you two are not always diligent with your use of contraceptives. This we cannot have—“

“A few lapses do not make a baby,” Jyn spoke lacking confidence for once.

“That is precisely what makes a baby on a military base,” the droid assured her. “I insist you follow me to medbay for a screening. And once it is determined you are not pregnant, I request you transfer to a more long-term prophylactic. For example, there is a new vaccine that (once administered) would keep you from reproducing for years!”

“You said I’m allowed one baby with Cassian,” taunted Jyn Erso with an evil grin.

“I’m not losing my corner,” the droid fired back. 

* * *

It was a human medic doing the rounds, thank Force. K-2SO lacked the time or patience functions to deal with medical droids today. K-2SO dragged Jyn Erso to the female medic, “I require you to screen this woman for offspring!”

The medic was startled; glancing at Jyn Erso with concern.

“Do as the droid says,” agreed Jyn Erso with a sigh. “You’re saving both our sanities by just giving me a blood test now.” 

“No,” interjected the droid. “I need to know the results right now. Are there any more urgent screening processes?” 

The medic turned to Jyn Erso again; lifting an eyebrow in question.

“Please,” Jyn squeaked. “Could you find a way to clarify for the droid that I’m not currently carrying its human’s child? The faster, the better for us both! Any amount of waiting, and I cannot say just what this droid will do next. Lots of hovering, probably. Over us both –“

“I could run an ultrasound,” the medic finally admitted. “Let the droid see there’s nothing there—“

“Yes,” K-2SO puffed itself taller. “I need to see firsthand that nothing is in this woman’s womb. Show me now!”

Jyn dramatically lowered herself to the medical bed; inching her shirt off her abdomen with a smug grin. “I hope you appreciate the amount of your bantha shit I wade through, Kay. I really hope you do!”

The medic brought the monitor over; setting up a program on the screen, “Should we wait for the possible-father –“

“No,” Jyn Erso sighed. “The droid is much more involved than either of us!” 

The medic groaned; released an annoyed huff as she lowered a device over Jyn’s flat stomach. It took a long moment for the medic to understand the location on the monitor.

“Are you seriously even a medic,” accused K-2SO impatiently.

The medic chose to ignore the droid, “We should be nearing the uterus now – _oh_!” 

“Don’t tell me,” Jyn Erso groaned. “Do I have cancer? Or some sort of blockage? Honestly with my luck—”

“WHAT IS THAT, JYN ERSO,” K-2SO pointed angrily to the monitor; watching something small and white flicker within the oval shape of a uterus. “Is this an elaborate prank? Have the two of you decided to prank me today? Why would a stranger help you, Jyn Erso, in –“

“You’re the one who marched me to medbay,” Jyn spat back. Pointing to the screen, Jyn asked, “Is that dust on the monitor or—“ 

“That would be a gestational sac,” the medic told her. “I would guess a recently imbedded onto the uterine wall gestational sac. I might also guess you’ve yet to experience some early signs of pregnancy? All the clichés of vomiting, sore breasts, light spotting, irritability—”

“That would be a normal state for her,” K-2SO told the medic. 

“Kriff off,” Jyn pelted back; staring at the screen and then glaring at the medic, “Did Kay put you up to this? Because this is so out of line! I’m not opposed to complaining to Council and getting your medical permits revoked!”

“How can this be happening to me,” lamented K-2SO somberly. 

“To you,” Jyn fought back. “What about to me? Was all of this a game you decided to play on Cassian and I; to make us more careful about birth control? Lesson learned, Kay. This can stop!”

“That lesson is a little overdue,” the medic observed evenly. “I’d say… four to five weeks too late.”

Jyn Erso turned green; the symptom of nausea kicking in as she doubled over the side of the bed; vomiting her breakfast and lunch all over the droid’s leg joints.

The droid shivered with disgust; realizing it was now absolutely going to be losing its corner!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks for everyone’s input last chapter – especially claraeerso and their brilliantly hilarious idea that I couldn’t resist. Now: the game is on!


	13. Are you happy?

“I’m telling Cassian,” Jyn ordered the droid. “You can say just about anything… but I’m going to be the one to tell him. He’s got to hear it from me.”

K-2SO observed, “I don’t understand _why_ it matters _how_ he hears about this impending tragedy!” 

“Shut it,” Jyn spat at the droid as it continued to follow her through the maze of Echo Base. 

K-2SO declared, “I demand to know what you’re doing about this immediately!”

Jyn gestured down that hallway, “I am looking for Cassian so I can tell him—“

“He will have to answer for this, as well,” the droid alerted Jyn Erso as she stormed down the hallway. Jyn looked into open meeting halls; even pausing to ask Han Solo, ‘ _seen Cassian around_?’ 

She headed for Command; standing by the door and watching Cassian marking coordinates off on a starmap as hair fell into his eyes. She breathed in rapid puffs of air; pondering how to best explain the surprise of an unexpected pregnancy – an hour after telling Cassian, in no uncertain terms, that it was impossible. Which it should have been— had she not gotten reckless and lax.

Bumping into the console as she approached; Jyn scrambled to stand upright—waving a hand casually through the air when Cassian raised his head in concern.  
  
“Guess whose _boys_ won the galactic star fleet awards this year,” Jyn mumbled aloud; cursing under her breath at that statement.

Cassian cocked his head to the side, “Um… do we know them?”

K-2S0 gave its automatic mechanical sigh behind her as Jyn moved closer. 

Jyn stumbled over her past euphuism, “The TIE fighters got through the security barrier—“ 

“On Hoth,” asked Cassian; looking up at the monitors.

Jyn gulped, “Hope you didn’t get rid of the baby gear yet—“

“HOW INEPT ARE THE PAIR OF YOU,” K-2SO intervened. “NO WONDER BIRTH CONTROL FAILED. JYN ERSO HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY INSEMINATED WITH YOUR SEMEN AND I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, CASSIAN!”

Jyn glared at the droid as Cassian grasped the console to stay upright, “You had one thing (one thing, Kay!) that I told you not to say!”

* * *

 

Scrunching her nose at the spectacle in front of her, Jyn dryly informed Cassian, “For the record, this is our worst attempt at a ‘ _date_ ’ yet.”

“I got you a cup of caf,” Cassian raised his own cup into the air; almost appearing to be toasting the rows of cribs on the other end of the glass. “Caf, a romantic walk through Echo Base—“ 

Jyn pointed against the glass, “Does this count as a _show_?” 

Cassian was silent again; sipping his caf and watching the sleeping infants with too much intensity for Jyn’s liking. She fought back the urge to touch her belly when he started muttering a song in Festian under his breath—drumming fingers against her thigh instead to combat the impulse of having any kind of physical response to whatever was growing there. Saw had taunted a twelve year old Jyn Erso that ‘ _Denial was strong with this one_ ’; little did he ever realize how strong it would get. 

“They all look the same,” Jyn crooked her head to the side. “All breakable. Very breakable. Tiny and vulnerable to everything.” 

“They’re babies, Jyn. They do tend to be –“

“Did you bring a datapad with you,” Jyn quickly interrupted; not missing the hopeful smile or widening of Cassian’s eyes as she stood on her tiptoes to get a better look at the babies in the Echo Base nursery.

“Nope,” Cassian muttered against her ear; moving closer to survey the nursery with her. “Seemed rude for a date.”

“Shame,” Jyn released with a groan. “Really wanted to see the personnel records of some of these parents. Those would include holopics, right?”

Cassian choked on a sip of caf, coughing out a haggard, “Why?”

“Do you think they all look like wrinkly mush topped with hair,” Jyn laughed; trying to make the moment more impersonal than it was currently heading. “OH—do you think we’ve got a wrinkle-faced lothario stationed here on Echo Base? _Inseminating_ all these women and – LOOK AT THAT ONE’S EARS?”

“Don’t heckle the babies, Jyn,” begged an appalled Cassian.

Jyn pressed her index finger against the glass; leaving a smudge, “You see it, right? That one on the left? Force, the ears take up the entire crib – you can’t tell me you aren’t curious about the parents of Big Ears over there? Where did those flaps of skin come from? The mother or the father? Or do both parents have reasonably sized ears and this trait laid dormant until— _BAM_! Big Ears was born! What a kriffin shock that must have been!”

“You are terrible,” Cassian informed her; trying to mask a smirk with another sip of caf. “And I love it.”

Jyn went back to appraising the infants, deciding after another minute, “I think we can confidently declare that our kid is going to be _hot_ by comparison. If these are its peers.” 

Cassian observed, “It’s not a competition though—“

“Of course not,” Jyn agreed; repeating, “But our kid’s going to be the base hottie and I’m not about to be playing humble just to save the self-esteems of Big Ears’ parents. Please, we’re going to have to look them up later!”

“Oh, I plan on it now,” said Cassian; eyeing the cribs with a calm care. “As far as I know, I don’t recall any aunts or uncles with abnormally large ears. If that helps.”

“Good to know,” Jyn replied. “I don’t really know about my side. There weren’t a lot of relatives left and I… But if the kid has any abnormal traits, we’ll blame my family.”

Cassian hummed; stroking a lock of hair behind her ear before noting, “Your ears are a bit—“

“Stop,” she slapped his hand away. 

“Truly,” teased Cassian with a shrug. “But with my chiseled features—“  
  
Jyn snorted at that; whipping her head around to eye him up and down.

“—I have been told (by many) that my cheek bones are chiseled; sharp and fine lined.”

Jyn retorted, “And I’ve been told my nose and chin were delicate; even refined looking. Doesn’t make it true! Just pleasing words from people’s whims.”

But Cassian took her chin in hand; turning her head to examine the face before declaring, “I’ve always been more partial to your eyes. But there is something about your chin… your eyes are cutting, though. They could cut someone down with a single glare. You have fierce eyes, Jyn.”

Jyn mumbled back awkwardly, “That might be the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

When he raised an eyebrow at her, Jyn relented, “Fine! You have exceptionally sharp cheekbones, Cassian. Very attractive!”

“Ah, you’re going to make me blush!“

Jyn motioned down to her stomach covered in a fluffy coat, “I think we’re long past sentimental raves about the other’s looks. We wouldn’t be in this situation if we both didn’t find the other at least marginally attractive.” 

“At least _marginally_ ,” admitted Cassian with a smirk. “I would hate for the baby to assume I’m with you for personality or compatibility reasons. It’s all about the sex appeal for me—speaking of which, I keep having certain individuals asking me if we’re still an item. Maybe announcing the baby could quench the question: ‘ _is Jyn Erso single again_?”

Curious, Jyn couldn’t resist asking, “Depends. Who’s been asking?”

Cassian told her, “I really don’t find the humor in—“

Jyn interrupted him with, “And I really don’t think now is the time to announce _that_. It is really no one’s business but ours. It’s not like I’ll be showing anytime soon.“

Cassian’s face fell. Brow wrinkling as he scanned her face; trying to understand what she was feeling, “I thought you were… When you said you wanted to keep the baby, I thought—“ 

“I agreed to keep _it_ ,” Jyn reminded the man. “But I am going to need an adjustment period… I’ve never been pregnant before.” 

“I’ve never gotten anyone pregnant before, either.” 

“Good,” Jyn managed a weak smile at that. “So we’re both treading some uncharted star system.”

She felt Cassian’s head bobbing agreement over her—and then felt his body shifting; pulling further away until they no longer touched in front of the glass window. The distance, even mere inches, irked Jyn; causing something to crawl under her skin. From the very reluctant beginnings of their partnership, human contact had never been their problem. Making the way Cassian held himself back from her all the more conspicuous. His stance all the more rigid when he wasn’t devising some excuse to lean against her.  
  
Together they stared straight ahead; silently regarding the nursery while stewing alone with their own thoughts. Jyn continued to puzzle over the small creatures within; smaller than she’d ever considered babies being. Brittle limbs fisting in the air—fighting for every moment of attention the medical droid in the enclosure spared them.

When minutes passed and Cassian spoke again, Jyn refused to jump startled when Cassian simply asked, “Are you happy, Jyn?” 

The most loaded question Jyn Erso had ever been asked: _Are you happy_? 

Happiness felt so far removed in this moment. She felt irresponsible. Ill-prepared. Inept. Worse yet, she imagined her child seeing this; knowing it had lost some cosmic game of chance in existence just by being _hers_. At best, Jyn reasoned Cassian and she could moofshit their ways through parenthood for only a number of years before the kid caught-on that neither of them had any idea what they were doing.

“Does it matter,” she ended up mumbling back; refusing to glance in his direction. 

“To me: absolutely,” said Cassian firmly. “I am happy—very happy, in fact. But I could never allow myself to feel like this when you’re not. My happiness is linked to your happiness, Jyn. Haven’t you realized that by now?” 

Jyn looked up; locking eyes with his through the reflection off the glass. Brown eyes muted were easier to deal with. She said, “It’s the same for me. If you’re happy, I know I will get there. I just have to reach that point. There’s still so much I haven’t thought about yet—like morality! We are socially obligated to raise this kid to be a moral, responsible, decent human being, right?”

“That would be the parental norm: yes,” Cassian agreed with a nod.

Jyn turned around, gesturing between them, “So how do you and I – YOU AND I—have that conversation without being complete hypocrites?”

“Kay says we won’t have to tell the baby any of the serious stuff for years,” Cassian eagerly attempted to calm her. “Or there’s this Coruscant saying I’ve heard: _do as I say, not as I’ve done_. That could work? Right? For awhile, unless our kid is especially crafty—“ 

The corners of her mouth perked upward slightly, “I think we need to be planning on the especially crafty kid. But if Kay’s already running the data—“

“Kay has this all figured out,” Cassian assured her.  
  
Jyn tucked her head into Cassian’s chest; feeling slightly relieved when his arms wrapped around her. This was more their norm: physical contact and solid support.

“Do you think it matters that all of Kay’s data and research was fixed on your child with Verty Salzer? Not me,” Jyn grumbled into his coat. 

Cassian swayed in place; a stiff dance Jyn recognized as an attempt to further calm her. Cassian chanced, “I’m sure Kay doesn’t mean—“  
  
Jyn stepped away; craning her neck to fix Cassian a smirk, “Come on! K-2SO completely wants you to supply the _goods_ and knock up the mechanic! Why would Kay keep bringing it up if it wasn’t still focused on that outcome?” 

Cassian groaned, “Kay might have offered up a bartering system should I—“ 

“Get to it, then,” Jyn teased. “We now know your _TIE_ Fighters are… potent.” 

Cassian reasoned to her, “This is going to get us in trouble. Kay doesn’t understand sarcasm. If K-2 hears you supporting this, it’s only going to get worse for me—“ 

“You do know which one is Verty, right?”

Cassian sighed; motioning a hand through the air in fatigue, “Dark curly hair. Tall-ish?”

Jyn shook her head, “You’re thinking of Shara Bey. Another of Bodhi’s _harem_. Don’t think she’s on Kay’s list—but she’s a maniac pilot, so she might appear—” 

Cassian’s brow wrinkled in disbelief, “BODHI has a _harem_? Our Bodhi?” 

Chirrut’s clear voice floated from behind Cassian; ringing in greeting, “Hoped we’d not be encountering anyone we knew in the medical wing… and would never have expected to locate Major Andor or Jyn Erso just hovering around the nursery window.”

Jyn leaned out from Cassian to inspect the blind man—and nod a greeting to Baze in return. “We were just walking,” Jyn lied to excuse their presence. “Is this where the nursery is? Never realized—“ 

Cassian caught on to the bluff; changing the topic to assist, “How was the trip? Locate any Jedi lore for Skywalker?”

“The Force has blessed us all recently,” observed Chirrut as he and Baze moved towards the window. Grinning too smugly, Chirrut explained, “We found some information and myths to work through. Still need to debrief with Skywalker. But got trapped in an asteroid belt on the way back and Baze needed to calm a bit—”

Baze grunted; far more interested with the babies than anything Chirrut, Cassian, or Jyn seemed to be saying. 

“—The babies always seem to calm him,” a fond Chirrut told Jyn and Cassian in a whisper. “I suppose they do serve as a reminder to all of us about the continuation of the galaxy. Why are we here if not to insure the future?”

“I was just taking a walk,” Cassian stumbled over his words; too flustered to completely comprehend Chirrut’s accusations. “With Jyn. Walking. Some talking…”

Jyn interrupted, “And I’m only here because I was kidnapped. Out of a work camp. So, it would really be that I was ‘liberated’—“ At Cassian’s raised eyebrow, Jyn clarified, “But now I completely believe in the CAUSE: Down with the Empire!”

Chirrut inquired, “And, during your walk, neither of you looked over and noticed the nursery—“ 

“Why would we,” Cassian asked with forced surety.

“It was a very good walk,” Jyn stammered. “I mean, a really good conversation. About things. And I’ve never even—oh, would you look there, Cassian. There are babies inside. Isn’t that interesting?”

“Wow,” Cassian choked out. Visibly gulping.

Baze shushed them both, “Too much nervous energy. Babies can pick up on it.”

Jyn nodded her head rapidly, gesturing Cassian to move away with her, “We really should be going… continuing our walk. Glad to see you both back.”

“Same,” Chirrut called after them. “Though I haven’t really been ‘ _seeing_ ’ you two.”

Jyn released an animated laugh; turning to make sure Chirrut and Baze heard it as she dragged Cassian through the hallway and dodged behind the first turn offered them. She turned to Cassian and asked, “Think they bought it?”

“We played it cool,” Cassian told her; lacking commitment. “Where to now?” 

“Your cabin,” Jyn replied; angling Cassian down the hall. “We’re going to have a blast!” 

Jyn punched in Cassian’s keycode; a second-nature impulse to type in his impersonal series of digits. There were some officers who’d use birthdays, anniversaries, or ‘lucky numbers’ for their codes. Silly, really! Jyn (like Cassian) lacked these types of happy numbers (or chose not to dwell on the ones they did have) and utilized random combinations for theirs passcodes. 8—7—6—2. Meaningless to both of them. Jyn pondered if, in a matter of months, they might both differ—choosing to remember a birthday for the first time in their adult lives. Even if they did, Jyn doubted they’d be foolish enough to rely on a single date that could so easily be looked up by the enemy. Kay would never allow them to become such saps! 

Tossing herself onto Cassian’s pillow, Jyn draped herself along his cot; beckoning him closer as she located his datapad. She powered it on; smirking over the illuminated screen to challenge Cassian, “Want to look up Big Ears’ parents?”

Cassian crossed his arms; watching her type away on his datapad impressed, “You know all my passcodes?”

Jyn logged ‘ _Major Cassian Andor_ ’ into the personnel records; toggling to find a list for maternity/paternity leaves. 

“Just about,” Jyn admitted. “What? Disappointed in my lack of professionalism?” 

Cassian scratched the back of his head, “More incredibly turned on right now, Jyn.” 

“Bet you are,” Jyn gave a bite back; curling her legs upward to invite him to join her. Jyn finally took a moment to look around his cabin—finding the playpen mashed and bent into a ruined heap by the door (ready for a trip to the trash compactor) as K-2SO’s corner lay vacant and pristine; just as the droid liked it!  
  
“You and Kay fighting over the corner again,” Jyn tried to levelly ask; fighting back a giggle.

Cassian groaned, “Kay won for now! And our baby’s crib is being used as a Wookie’s footrest. Chewbacca was offended I even asked for it back—“

Jyn looked to the edge of the cot and pouted, “Did baby lose everything?”

“Nope,” Cassian glided towards his duffle; bringing out a yellow sling and equally yellowing stuffed bunny. “No one wanted this!” 

“Score for you,” Jyn muttered down to her stomach; shocking herself in how easy that interaction was. A brief flicker of joy flashed across Jyn’s face—habit beat it back into a grimace instead.

Cassian sank next to her on the cot; the two linking and adjusting their limbs as they sought a compatible comfort. Cassian won his pillow in the end, with Jyn curled along his shoulder as she swiped through holopics.

“How about this one,” Jyn questioned into his facial hair; nuzzling closer. “Ternville A. Zhidivg. Married to Freita R. Zhidivg. Both decorated lieutenants—“

Cassian studied the holopic expertly, “Can’t see her ears through all that hair.”

“—Welcomed their first child, Cortillious (that’s just cruel!) Melvin Zhidivg, last week,” Jyn skimmed the newest update. 

“Poor little Cortillious,” gasped Cassian; tightening an arm around Jyn. “Already so much adversity in life.”

Jyn nodded, “Must be an old family name. First that name—and those ears.”

“That’s something we can agree on,” Cassian slyly brought up; drumming his fingers against her arm. He bit down on the side of his mouth—willing himself to continue his train of thought. Jyn watched Cassian’s hesitation patiently; schooling her expression when he said, “What not to name this one.”

Jyn pressed, “Why? Already know the name? Is there some Festian tradition I should know about for naming—“  
  
He shook his head. “No dead names,” Cassian told her; brushing his lips across her forehead.

Jyn readily repeated, “No dead names.”

If they could give this kid anything, it would at least be a fresh start. With their own name to stand behind. Also, in Jyn’s opinion, some _hot_ genetics!


	14. In Which Cassian Loses His Virginity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why hello again, readers! So... it's been a couple weeks. With the best of intentions, I had planned on updating all of my fics before heading on a long camping/hiking trip. Which obviously didn't happen. Opps! I got one done. ONE. And it wasn't this fic so I am very sorry to the people waiting for an update on this one. Wasn't fair-- wasn't the plan. I'm catching up on a lot of real life things this week, but here's an exert from Bodhi's fanfic... and Cassian (now an expecting father) reading about that time he didn't lose his virginity on Hoth to Jyn in an ice cave after an avalanche. Enjoy?

Cassian soared after her. Their snowshoes echoing off the icy walls of the cave; the rhythmic sound of the civilized planets in a structure none had dared rambled before. He was speaking still—berating her like she was just some spoiled child throwing a tantrum. Jyn resisted his entreats. Hoping to be conveying his words were falling on deaf ears. However untrue that presumption would be. Because certain words did carry weight. Hanging in the frigid air to torment Jyn: _Aftershock_. _Wampa_. _Sub-zero_. _Night falling_.

She was just as seasoned a warrior as he! What gave Cassian Andor the gull to instill himself as ‘ _leader_ ’ of this recent mishap? What made Captain Andor an authority on cave-ins? 

“—My homeworld was an ice planet,” he called from behind; like he could understand her every hesitation just by studying the tension rippling off her back. Jyn glanced over her shoulder; noting the soft smile he seemed to be sharing just for her. The smile lacked practice. A gentle upturn of the left side of his mouth. He could barely hold the smile before it slipped away; like a melting icicle facing a vehement sun—  
  
No, Jyn corrected herself. This Rebel Captain lacked anything ‘ _soft_ ’. Captain Andor was a know-it-all. Arrogant and haughty. Not someone approachable. With a backstory and home lost. Whatever the case, Cassian Andor could not be someone just like Jyn. He belonged in another category completely. On another planet. In another situation—but he continued to linger by her side. Stumbling in just when she _might_ have need of assistance. Cassian’s presence was now a guarantee in her life—if Jyn allowed herself guarantees any longer! 

“The sun will be setting soon. Instead of wasting our precious time stomping in the opposite direction from where the rescue squad will be searching tomorrow,” Cassian continued to scold her—not harshly. For his part, Jyn thought he was holding back severe rebuffs in favor of civility. But why? “—we need to get as close to the entrance as possible and setup camp.”

* * *

 

The real Cassian Andor grimaced as he read chapter sixty-two of (the still unknown) author’s _Tale of Two Captains_. He was meticulous in his reading—still lightyears from catching up to the most recent update. But Cassian blamed the writer for that; the author lacked research, basic fact checking, and any integrity in making this bantha swine supposedly about Cassian and his very real relationship with Jyn Erso. Cassian was constantly having to minimize the screen and bring up his complex list of inaccuracies and concerns; adding the newest error with relish—it was definitely a coping mechanism for reading such fiction! 

Cassian still wasn’t fully convinced this wasn’t some elaborate joke. Why would anyone, willingly, be reading this crap? For himself, if the opportunity for a hobby or pastime ever presented itself, Cassian would much prefer reading some compelling engineering logs about the newest breakthroughs in technology. With the approaching responsibilities of fatherhood, Cassian realized any sort of actual hobby would be waiting till after the Rebellion—and some eighteen years past that. Cassian's primary pastime was going to be being a dad.. and he thought it suited.   
  
Jyn snored into his side; cuddled onto his small cot between shifts and promptly falling asleep as Cassian claimed to be reading up on sanitation for his next meeting. Sanitation was a close enough description to this ‘epic story’ the author thought to be telling! Cassian looked down at the light weight at his side; smiling fondly as he thought about having small moment like this in his life.

“She’s sleeping too much,” complained Kay from its corner.

Cassian replied, “Growing another life-form must be tiring.”

* * *

Jyn’s teeth were chattering. As much as she tried to muffle the sound, Jyn could not feel regret when Cassian moved closer to her; wrapping an arm around her. “Body heat,” he explained lamely; avoiding eye contact as he rubbed circulation back into her arm. 

  
It felt reassuring. Closing her eyes, Jyn breathed in the choking cold air… but also Cassian. Cassian’s smell. He smelled like blaster oil. Like the aftermath of a score of battles. Of a well-prepared solider who is meticulous in his craft. Jyn pondered when the Rebel Captain grew from ‘ _Captain Andor_ ’ to ‘ _Cassian_ ’. Flicking her eyes upward, Jyn watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed above his heavy scarf. Something was making Cassian nervous. He had masterfully angled his body away. They touched only where necessary for survival. A pity—

Jyn failed to understand Cassian’s timidity. Misunderstanding his awkwardness as doubts about their impending rescue, Jyn implored, “Will they find us? Please just be honest with me, Cassian—“ 

He seemed equally taken back at her use of his name. Again, his lips tinged upward indicating some manner of delight—but it was short-lived. Cassian coughed into his gloved hand, “Of course! Right now, they’ve gathered in Control and gone over our rescue plan. They have the squad decided on and prepped. Now they are just waiting for daylight—they know where we are, Jyn,” Cassian paused after saying her name; wetting his lips with a quick tongue. “We sent out our signal and they received it. All we have to do is wait this out.” 

Captivity alarmed her. Tight places too haunting a memory—but Cassian made her feel safe. The steady weight of his arm a reminder that she wasn’t alone. Not this time. 

Jyn felt guilt in this; in how easy it seemed to be to accept comfort from this man who was still, in so many ways, a stranger to her. Jyn forced herself to think of Horatio. She loved Horatio. But, in the past year, it was so simple to pass days without dwelling on that love. It was a conscious effort now, to think of her space pirate in spare moments of time. Everything that transpired with Cassian was ease. It didn’t hurt that Cassian was a handsome man. Dark and sensuous where her pirate was a glowing orb of golden hair and piercing pale eyes – not entirely of this galaxy and altogether too blinding for everyday use, that was Horatio in all his glory!  
  
It’s closed quarters, Jyn excused. High stress situations and close proximity: the same equation for every childhood crush she’d discovered in Partisan safe-houses. Fleeting flights of fancy that helped to pass dull downtime between war. If the Rebel Alliance ever saw fit to separate the pair (give Jyn another captain to report to), whatever was materializing in regards to this stoic Captain’s good looks would dissolve. And Jyn would be free to never dwell on those puzzling brown eyes again.

His grip still lax over her shoulder, Jyn appealed, “You are allowed to touch me, you know!” 

She blushed crimson at her own boldness. Cassian paused; raising his arm off her in surprise. Jyn stammered, “It is all about staying warm, right? So it’s not a big deal… to touch me.” Softly, Jyn grazed a mittened hand to his cheek—quick to redirect herself behind his neck. Pulling Cassian closer, Jyn leaned against his muscular chest and whispered, “And I can touch you.” 

He heard her. Cassian must have heard her. With Jyn’s feather-light finger tips tracing along the back of Cassian’s neck, his breaths stilled into the air; cheeks growing purple as he focused on an inner conflict.

“Breathe, Captain,” Jyn hummed against his ear. She adverted her eyes to the cavern’s ceiling when Cassian’s pants tented in response. Another involuntary erection that circumstances might suggest she had caused. Or at least attributed towards. Though Cassian would argue (always argue) that the two were unrelated before running off in the opposite direction! For a decorated officer, spy, and adult male, Cassian seemed to have a bit of a problem— 

Now: there was no where to run, Jyn thought predatory; gleaming up at Cassian before offering, “Do you need some help?”  
  
“I…. I don’t know what you’re referring to, Sergeant Erso…” Cassian heaved in frustration ( _both mental and physical frustration at that!_ ); attempting to cross his knees together without pointing his attentive member towards Jyn’s inviting lap.

Jyn reported like a proper underling, “You’re rock hard, Captain Andor. Do you require any assistance—“ Cassian looked to be choking on his huffed breathe. Jyn explained, “I don’t see how that would be any different than us keeping each other warm? Or when I was in medbay and had that itch on my back I couldn’t reach. It wasn’t a big deal when I turned over and you scratched it—“

“It’s a very big difference,” Cassian growled through his teeth.  
  
“My hand or mouth,” Jyn ignored his outburst. “I’m not taking my gloves off, so mouth might feel better—“ 

Cassian turned his body away from her; Jyn now feeling true cold for the first time since the cave-in, “Or I can watch you… handle yourself. In any case, I’m guessing you know what you like.”

Shoulders hunched, Cassian informed Jyn, “Or my usual: meditate until this physical response subsides—“ 

Rolling her eyes, Jyn replied, “Sure you do!”

“ _It_ takes attention away from more… important matters,” Cassian told her shyly. “Things that could hinder the success of the Rebellion. Or endanger my comrades’ lives. It would be selfish to indulge—“

Jyn grunted unconvinced, “Everyone does it, Cassian—“

“I don’t,” Cassian gulped; closing his eyes and humming gently to himself. His eyes folded into slits as he escaped into his meditative realm.

Jyn crept closer; lips dancing against his ear, “Maybe that would explain why physical contact with your female cohort generates such dramatic response.” Jyn allowed her breath to tickle the back of Cassian’s neck as she tempted, “I’ll talk you off.”

Cassian shuddered at the possibility, “Wha… what does that entail?”

Jyn faked a hitched groan; panting into Cassian’s ear a throaty, “Faster! Oh—ah! You’re so big! So powerful—“

“It doesn’t play into my fantasy to hear a bunch of sarcasm,” Cassian admitted; his hand lowering to toy with the ties of his pants.

With upmost sincerity, Jyn told Cassian, “I want to watch you get yourself off. I want to know what you look like when—“ His pants slid past hips as he searched for his cock through the amassed layers of protective coverings. With care to the situation, he was playing with himself inside the snow pants. Jyn understood the need to protect sensitive skin from frostbite, but she wasn’t seeing anything but a buldge knocking against fabric as Cassian’s arm experimentally tugged beneath. 

“I want to know what your cock looks like,” Jyn wetted her lips as she expressed this realization aloud. “I want to explore the length of you—the taste of you. I want to know how soft your skin feels against my… you’re big, right? Above average? Those tight pants of yours always left the impression—“  
  
“I don’t walk around and measure the competition, Jyn.”  
  
Rolling her shoulders at the image Cassian painted in her mind’s eye, Jyn draped herself forward over Cassian’s back, “Might help if you spit.”  
  
Cassian craned his neck to gawk at her. Rivets of a deep frown etched across his face as Jyn prompted, “No one likes a dry handjob!”  
  
Jyn felt a wetness between her legs as Cassian’s brought a gloved hand up to his mouth—ripping the garment off with his teeth as he side-eyed her teasingly. In all the different facets of the man she’d encountered, Jyn never thought about a flirtatious Cassian. But there he was; licking long, studious, strides across the palm of his more dominate hand. And staring her straight on with unspoken desire.  
  
“You’re going to need more than that,” Jyn observed as she nodded down at the streaks of saliva Cassian had administered along the dips and valleys of his weathered palm. Taking his bare hand, she brought it up to her face; narrowing her eyes like she was issuing some formal inspection of the contents. Shamelessly, Jyn leered at her Rebel Captain; spitting into the cradle of his palm and than spitting again. “Get to work,” Jyn ordered when his palm held the necessary lubrication for the task at hand.  
  
Even without a visual, Jyn could now hear a frantic slapping of skin on skin as Cassian moved his hand deep inside his pants; conjuring images of the striking of flesh including her own. One hand balanced her body on Cassian’s shoulder as he pleasured himself—the other lowered; pushing against the crouch of her pants. She swallowed down a gasp as cloth and finger brushed over her clit. Already swollen with hopeless anticipation, Jyn runted her hips against her own fingers to extinguish the mounting need of friction discreetly.  
  
So preoccupied with her growing lust, Jyn had not noticed herself being studied earnestly. Where so much attention went to his pants, to the swift rubbing of his palm along his rigid penis, for a pair of brown eyes the true highlight lay over his shoulder: Jyn. Greedy eyes took in the red cheeks submerging from a pale face. When he heard a similar rustle of fabric behind him, Cassian reminded the woman, “You were going to be talking me off.”  
  
All attempts to silence her groans ceased. Jyn rocked hard against her hips. She cautioned Cassian, “Slow down: you don’t want to leave blisters.”

Obediently, Cassian complied; cupping himself firmly but calming his pace. “It’s not just about the manual response and getting it done,” Jyn coached him throaty. “You’ve got to enjoy yourself. Tease yourself—discover your biggest fantasies than—“ Jyn cried out as Cassian’s butt pressed her finger deeper; the surprise move making ‘getting herself off’ almost as exciting as fucking. 

“And what are your fantasies, Jyn?”

Irrelevant, Jyn wanted to tell him. “Focus on yours,” Jyn said instead. Horatio had been partial to a good tug on his balls. So Jyn whispered against Cassian’s ear, “Don’t forget your testicles. Give them a good squeeze!” She playful skimmed teeth along the exposed skin of his jawline.  
  
Cassian was resolute in his thoughts, “I want to know what… you would want.”  
  
Biting her lip in thought, Jyn trembled at the manly earnestness in Cassian’s declaration. Never before had Horatio… —she’d had fun. Been taken care of. But the sad reality was Jyn had never chanced the opportunity to ask herself what she desired. Horatio would show her something, Horatio would direct. Never had Jyn needed to voice her interests aloud…

Now, there was a man looking at her—really looking at her! Bundled up in her snow gear, her hair falling out of a messy bun, with sweat from the race from the avalanche dried across her skin—leaving it to appear flaky and unflattering. Yet still, this man wanted to know what would please her; like she was a goddess of the Force who deserved to be coveted properly.  
  
Jyn almost choked on her simple reply, “Kiss me.” Over a year in his company, and Jyn had never allowed herself to ponder what kissing the Captain would be like. Not until now.

Cassian was eager. But chaste. No tongue. No gripping her head in place—just tenderness. A kiss prompting nothing more than what she was willing in the moment to give. Cassian expected nothing; even with his cock still craving a release. Jyn had wanted a kiss—Cassian gave her a kiss.  
  
It was Jyn who reached out for more; her tongue prodding his mouth open to indulge in his taste. Even as her eyes closed, Jyn’s thoughts never drifted from Cassian. He wasn’t a placeholder for her lust. As solid and commanding a presence with her eyes closed or open. Jyn had wants. Presently, Jyn wanted Cassian Andor.

“We have to be quick,” Jyn said as she pulled away; already removing her pants in anticipation. “Top or bottom?” 

Cassian’s nose wrinkled, “We don’t have to be anything—“ 

“I don’t plan on freezing to death,” Jyn fumbled to slide her pants past her thighs. “In and out, okay? Tell me when you’re close—“

Cassian reached forward to still her hand; pulling her pants back upward to shield her from the cold, “No. You don’t have to—“ 

“I want to,” Jyn stammered to explain; not really understanding this turn herself. With pleading eyes, watering from the cold, Jyn assured Cassian, “I want you.” 

She blocked Cassian’s attempts to kiss her; rolling to her knees as she shimmied out of the thick pants. “Later,” Jyn promised the dejected kisser. “After.” 

For a man so used to taking the command position, Jyn was disappointed she needed to further entice, “Come on, Captain!”

“Where do I put it?” asked Cassian unsure. 

* * *

  
Cassian needed a stiff drink. He’d known this story arch was approaching—the author was about as subtle as a sonic hammer beating away at a durasteel floodgate. After chapter upon chapter of fakeJyn’s many sexual exploits with the worst excuse of a human being, they were nearing fakeCassian losing his virginity territory. Because, of course, showing respect to all, not sexually assaulting every female in sight, or making absurd jokes about his penis every other sentence meant this version of Cassian Andor was a virgin; some weirdo untouched by woman at twenty-six. So innocent and unaware, this Cassian didn’t even know where to put his penis. To be fair, Cassian smirked when he realized that was probably the most first hand experience this author could draw from! 

While Cassian had remained indifferent to being depicted as having erections for the past ten chapters; each time fakeJyn so much as said ‘Good morning’ to the loser, it was impossible for Cassian to completely withdraw from these characters who share his and Jyn’s identities. 

“We got anything to drink, Kay?” inquired Cassian as he sat up on the cot; angling Jyn’s snoring form to not jostle her awake prematurely.

“Do I look like a serving droid?” K-2SO informed Cassian, “If you must drink to put up with Jyn Erso’s vexatious noises these days—“ 

“Any alcohol, Kay,” Cassian ignored the pestering; motioning towards his small cabinet.

“You’re on duty,” the droid scolded. “You have twelve more hours on active duty—a meeting on Sanitation Control in four. What are you reading? I don’t recall you working on a presentation? And I’ve been tracking all your current projects—“ 

“Sanitation report,” Cassian excused; hoping keeping the bluff the same for Jyn and Kay would authenticate the lie.  
  
K-2SO quieted for a moment in its corner—Cassian almost hoped the droid was following Jyn’s example and powering off—but than Kay’s voice interrupted, “Then why is the file currently opened on your datapad called ‘the Opposite of PORN!’? Seems a strange sort of organization method. Why would you label anything that? Seems an obvious instance of misdirection where the contents are most certainly the negative…. Are you viewing pornography? Is Jyn Erso not supplying necessary releases now as well? Really, Cassian! This pregnancy is weeks in and ruining e—“

“It’s not porn,” Cassian told the droid. “Absolutely not! You are not to tell Jyn—“ 

Kay interrupted loudly, “It’s blocked. Why is it blocked? I have the capabilities to hack into all the rest of your files—“

“Which we agreed you wouldn’t,” reminded Cassian; peering at the droid suspiciously.

“Apparently I’m no longer capable of doing so,” Kay’s electronic sigh made Jyn’s nose twitch in her sleep. Cassian held up a finger to his lips; gesturing for the droid to stop as Jyn settled back into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

  
  
Taking Cassian’s thick, pulsating, member in hand, Jyn aligned to her center—rocking back on her knees as he entered her slowly; like he would break her. 

“Are you okay,” begged Cassian; stilling his hips and bucking out again.

Jyn sighed; fighting off a laugh when she recalled previous sexy times. “I’m doing great—are you planning on fucking me, or is this just an excuse to get my pants down in a frozen wasteland?” 

Cassian smacked into her now; proving he could give just as much as she required.

In the present predicament, it had to be fast; methodical action. Enough to satisfy but nothing universe shattering. Still, men seemed to enjoy fucking from behind—a woman braced on her hands and knees to receive. Jyn was appreciative that only the bare minimum of her flesh was exposed to the Hoth climate. Even more appreciative to finally have a gauge in determining Cassian’s size: he left her throbbing at his girth—eager for a visual as she glanced backward. 

When Cassian felt her stare he asked, “Am I doing this right?” 

Reminding Jyn of the rumor circling base: Cassian Andor was a virgin. Or had been up until seconds ago. “You’ll leave me sore for days,” Jyn teased him; knocking her hips backward to be impaled by Cassian’s massive, glistening, cock.  
  
“That’s a good thing,” a confused man asked. 

“A very good thing,” Jyn beamed at his concern. “Like when muscles ache after sparring matches cause you used them to the max.”

Instead of holding her hips in place and thrusting for his end, Cassian managed to sprawl along her back; kissing her neck tenderly as he panted and crashed into her. “It’s more than I’d ever imagined,” he admitted when their lips met again; dancing in a sensual ritual of tongues and teeth. “I want to do this… all the time now!”

 

* * *

  
  
Cassian Andor was bright purple; attempting to not crack the datapad in half in anger. The absurdity of the mess now! Oh, yes! Let’s all fuck during a cave-in! Very safe—if anyone actually reads this filth, he’ll have to start cautioning against sex in caves now. What a fun seminar that one’s going to be: sex in sub-zero climates, in a cave, during a war, with creatures living in caves waiting to eat Rebels... maybe that might weed off the weaker links?

Hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention—and, sure enough, K-2SO had fixed all focus on its human reading on the cot.

“Sanitation appears to be very upsetting,” mused the droid.

Cassian couldn’t even formulate an excuse—skimming the sex-scene and rolling his eyes as fakeJyn begged fakeCassian to finish inside her… OH Force! Please, Force, Please: no unnecessary pregnancy storyline! Jyn was private enough as it was—Cassian couldn’t even fathom a visibly pregnant Jyn walking around and people thinking about this cave scene. No! A line had to be drawn—this author had to have some idea of limits!

* * *

 

“All I want to do, from this point on, is have sex,” an excited Cassian told Jyn as he zipped his pants closed. 

* * *

 

Cassian faced an internal conflict. Pregnant girlfriend. Nestled into his side. Content and resting. But there was also a possibility that some manner of booze existed in his cabinet. Probably expired. Probably disgusting. But it might make this chapter easier to get through. 

Jyn cooed in her sleep and the decision was made: Jyn and baby won, naturally.

Because Cassian Andor was an adult. Not a wimpy mess who only just discovered, ‘ _Gee, isn’t sex great? I should never stop doing this—why didn’t I start sooner?_ ’ Oh… the possibility that this becomes all fakeCassian does or talks about from this point on was too painful and draining………

* * *

Blocks of ice chipped away from the opposite wall of the cave. And the two’s mutual bestest, best, best, best friend Bodhi Rook arrived to heroically save them from a fate worst than death. Little to Bodhi’s knowledge, the pair narrowly escaped a discussion of their emerging feelings. 

* * *

 

“Thank Force for Bodhi,” Cassian murmured aloud; causing Jyn to smile as she woke up. 

“What’s Bodhi done now,” she asked. 

“Probably got him alcohol,” the droid hissed from its corner. “Cassian has been perusing his assorted pornography as you slept, Jyn Erso. Might be something to discuss if you do plan on keeping the embryo around—“

Jyn peered up at him; taunting, “What kind of porn do you have—show me!” 

Cassian flicked the datapad off, “Kay’s just messing with you… upset I’m still planning on a playpen in its corner someday.”

“Come on,” Jyn wiggled into his lap; snatching the datapad and logging back in. She did have so many passwords. “OHHH… this one’s not opening—“ she tried again; locked out of the ‘the _Opposite of PORN!_ ’ folder over and over again. Cassian smiled to himself; pleased he’d decided on a special code for that one. Jyn was now hammering away on the scene, “But I can get into all your other files!”

Cassian noted, “Which I allow you to… and I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. But I do.”

“It must be really raunchy, huh,” Jyn continued to tick the datapad’s code records. “Seriously, I grew up around male soldiers. I’ve seen some crazy shit and I doubt you’d tip the scale on strange fetishes.” 

Cassian crossed his arms defensively, “It’s private, Jyn. I don’t demand to see everything you’ve got—“

“I don’t have a porn folder, actually,” Jyn reasoned aloud. “But if I did, I’d be sharing. With my hormones all over the place, I’d probably be asking you to try things from my folder—“ 

Cassian stroked her cheek gently, “You’re not getting the code. But solid attempt!”

“Cassian,” groaned Jyn annoyed. 

“There are some things I’m not exposing you to,” Cassian said. “For your own benefit!”

“Kriff, Cassian! What is it? Like, multiple partners? Non-hominoid species? I’ve seen it all,” Jyn alerted him again.  
  
K-2SO announced to the room, “I will vacate if you two plan on launching into coitus. Though Cassian does have an approaching meeting. And neither of us are likely to receive this new password, Jyn Erso, just from you putting out.”

Jyn seethed, “I’m going to end up shooting your droid by the end of the day. I just know it!”


	15. Mr. Solve-It

“The Sanitation problem needs to get resolved ASAP,” Draven’s projected face on the monitor looked especially stricken at having to relay this message. 

Cassian studied the heaved breaths of the man he used to report directly to as Draven fought to control a twitching eye. The leader of Rebel Intelligence continued to read from the previously composed report. “The initial plans for Echo Base have been a success. However, as we move forward in assigning more officers to HQ, we need to ensure there is a more established method of disposing all WASTE units.”  
  
Behind Draven stood Mon Mothma; biting back a smile as she coolly nodded agreement. Obviously, Draven had lost some sort of bet with the higher-ranking officers yet to settle on Hoth.  
  
Diligently, Cassian opened his datapad and uploaded the offered map of Echo Base’s lacking plumbing system. Though not something Cassian had direct knowledge of, he studied the maze of tubes in case an answer would present itself. The collective sighs around Cassian signaled that no one else present had intricate instruction on sanitation design either.

From his side, Cassian watched Han Solo duck closer; whispering too loudly, “Shitter’s full!” 

In lieu of replying, Cassian ground his molars together in frustration. A newfound habit Cassian had adapted (a habit he couldn’t link back to any alias or studied identity… just him) —and a habit Jyn discouraged as the sound made her skin crawl. Across the table, three seats down, sat Jyn—glancing in his direction and shaking her head. He watched her mouth, “ _Stop it_ —“ certain she’d be kicking him under the table if she could reach.  
  
Han Solo sat up with fake professionalism when Leia called out to the room, “Is anyone from Sanitation here?” She ignored Han’s raised hand as her eyes swept the room. “Can we get someone from Sanitation—“

“Technically, this remains a closed meeting,” Draven reminded the gathering. “Only need-to-know basis—”

Han loudly proclaimed, “Are we worried the Empire is going to be stealing our shitter blueprints? That may be a great opportunity for sabotage, Andor! Write that down!” 

Cassian mumbled, “Absolutely not writing that—or any of your ideas— down.”

Mon Mothma and Draven exchanged looks; regretting that Han Solo was an Alliance Hero, thus subject to attend all but the most confidential of meetings. It failed to escape Cassian’s notice that Han had started to exploit this recently—arriving last minute to meetings and hovering around the door unless explicitly told to leave.

Officers slyly flittered from the room. Last minute recollections of assignments. Even Draven cut the projection feed with vague justification about needing to contact the Mid Rim units before their orbit changed. Cassian went back to studying the maps while Leia marched for the door—

“I’m going to harass whoever’s down in Sanitation until they give me the answers I want,” were Leia’s parting words. 

Han, of course, rose to follow Leia to the door, “Lucky Sanitation,” the smuggler flirted.

“Bite me, you moof-licking son of a moth-rat, liver-spotted rhydophil—“ 

The true vixen of Echo Base soundlessly crossed the table; murmuring into Cassian’s ear, “I’ve got some fond memories of this table.” Jyn rapped a knuckle along the top of the cold durasteel surface. When Cassian opened a new tab with an outline for construction policies on military bases, Jyn strolled around his chair. Lowering to nip at his ear, “Care to make some more?”  
  
“I’m on the clock,” he complained as Jyn stole his datapad and slid it down the table—carefully out of arm’s reach.  
  
Jyn smirked down at him, “Didn’t stop us before. We had an interesting end of a debriefing in here. Maybe eight weeks ago? I got shot at by a bounty hunter during a mission. Our emotions were running high. You were especially _amorous_ …”  
  
“You said your ass got too cold because they don’t heat the meeting hall properly,” Cassian avoided eye contact as Jyn sat on the table in front of him; already unclasping her pants.

Jyn rolled her eyes and continued, “Neither of us had a condom. ‘ _I left my pack on the ship_ ,’ I told you. And you were so offended that I thought you would be carrying one around while I was off Base, and you were working—“ 

“I still don’t understand why you assumed I’d have one on me,” drooled Cassian admiring a peek of pale skin as Jyn rolled her pants down. The pants caught at her knees; causing Jyn to awkwardly kick the fabric and buck her hips— 

Something altogether primal controlled Cassian Andor now. Against his better judgment, his chair wheeled closer until his nose brushed along her inner knee.  
  
Jyn’s breath hitched at the minimal contact. Hormones so easily ablaze, Cassian pressed his nose further along her thighs—lips lingering in his wake. 

Cassian tried to remain calm as Jyn purred, “Went over the _JYN ERSO CYCLE_ file this morning. Kay’s only tracked one final ovulation period post-baby surprise. Guess when? Eight weeks ago. After my mission on Geonosis. Between your day-long meeting over battle squadrons and my ride-along with Bodhi to get food provisions. Not a big time gap. With one rather glaring incident where we definitely didn’t use anything—“

Cassian gulped; running a hand over her leg, “So… baby-surprise…” 

“Happened right here,” Jyn raised her eye brow to taunt him on; a resolute leer marking her face as she dramatically pointed a single index finger on the durasteel surface under her. “—Or there,” she admitted; pointing now further along the table; where Cassian’s datapad now waited for its owner to be a diligent solider once again.

It would continue to wait, Cassian decided; helping Jyn settled her knees on his shoulder—only to lift them off again, “The door—“

Jyn sighed; kicking her feet back up impatiently, “No one’s coming back! Hate to break it to you, but they’ll be keeping their distance until you’ve presented a solution or Leia’s worn down Sanitation. We’re all alone. Want to do something inappropriate again?” 

“I’ll relent to eating you out—but then I really do need to work on this,” said Cassian.

“Oh, be still my impassioned loins! The man is setting his limits!”

“One orgasm,” cautioned Cassian. “Then I’m going back to work: are we clear?”

Jyn eyed him suspiciously, “… I mean, I’ll not pass on it, but a tad disappointed at the affects I have on you. Your attraction seems to be waning—“

“Impossible,” Cassian made sure to raise his head and lock eyes. Assuring her once again, “That would be impossible.” 

“Prove it,” challenged Jyn as she moved against him.

Set on his goal to do just that, and perhaps relinquish to several orgasms in the process, Cassian lunged forward; eager to taste the already squirming woman—  
  
But then Han Solo had to return!

“Already nose deep in the Sanitation problem, I see.” 

“—Well, the bite appears to be healing. A good sign. You should still seek a medic, Sergeant Erso,” Cassian lied smoothly. His throat felt dry when Jyn dragged her trousers back on.  
  
Buttoning up, Jyn replied, “I value your opinion, _Major_.”

“OH come on,” Han hooted at them. “Everyone knows you’re together. And I’m a close friend—“

“No, you’re not,” Jyn was fast to correct with a scowl. 

Cassian agreed, “Not at all.”

Han ignored them, “Everyone knows. If you got wound down _there_ , Jyn, what was it? A rare type of Festian creature who (despite a stick shoved up his butt) seems to be a heartthrob around these parts?” 

“I’m a what?” Cassian gaped with confusion. Honestly, this base needed a stern reminder on reality at this point! The fanfic from hell haunted his mind; coming back to the surface just to say, ‘ _everyone thinks this is real, Cassian. Everyone_!’  
  
Jyn elbowed Cassian as she scooted off the table, “A lunar-tick from my last mission.”

“Horrible little parasite,” Han told them. Falling into a chair and kicking his feet up to relax on the table—their table!

Technically, the Council’s table. But Jyn and he had (possibly) made a human life on that table! Cassian’s blood boiled as Han’s dirty snow boots rested on the spot where baby Erso-Andor might have started; a puddled of sooty snow forming where Cassian had mopped up the remints from their activities as Jyn had left the room flushed and laughing—

“WHAT,” Jyn demanded of Han; paling slightly at the term ‘parasite’. Cassian was quick to catch-on to Jyn’s concern. Was Han hinting at something? Surely, Han Solo was too dense to have figured out Jyn was pregnant? 

“Tick,” Han briefly explained to Jyn; bringing hands back to cradle his head. “Lunar-ticks are the worst type of parasites.” 

Jyn slipped off the table, waving a casual hand through the air, “Yeah, yeah: ticks. The worst.” She exited the room only to back track, “Will you check my bite again later, _Major_? I’m still… _concerned_.”

“He’ll be all over that bite,” Han was quick to answer for Cassian, leaving the Major to cross his arms defensively around himself. “You might have to take care of his sand snake dilemma afterwards—“

“Are you here for any reason, Solo?” Cassian spat out in anger. “Think you’re going to solve this Sanitation crisis?”  
  
Han pointed to Jyn, still leaning against the doorframe, “Currently, I was flirting with your girlfriend… for you. You’re welcome.“

“That wasn’t flirting,” Jyn sighed walking out of the hall. “Cassian could give you some pointers. He’s such a good tease…” Her voice trailed off as she exited.

Han swiveled the chair; logging onto a datapad in his lap and informing Cassian dryly, “Exactly why I’m here.”

Cassian groaned, “And what do you mean by that?”

“Check your inbox,” Han told him; fingers jittering over a keypad as Han typed away—much too pleased with himself. 

Cassian did, however, check his inbox. “There’s nothing there, Solo—“ 

“Wait for it—“ warned Han with a smirk.

 _BING!_ The sound alerted to a new message. Cassian selected the tab when he read the message was from Princess Leia: 

 

_To Whom It May Concern (Major Cassian Andor):_

_Captain Han Solo, upon my command, is tasked with shadowing all responsible, reasonable, adult-males within Echo Base in his remaining active hours to better inform himself as to why he is (without a doubt) the most infuriating, moof-headed nuff-licker in this galaxy! Captain Solo is under orders to not interfere with your own duties or performance. Just a casual observer. Send him through the ringer!_

_Respectfully,_

_Leia Organa; Princess, Soldier, and too busy for his crap today!_

 

“Leia’s sponged you off on me?” Cassian demanded an answer. Reading and rereading the brief message and finding nothing but Leia’s possible attempt at a joke—a terrible, terrible joke. Who would do something like this? 

Han shrugged, “Seemed to think you carry the insight I require. Let’s begin,” Han wore the guise of a scholar. “I’ve always been of the mind that females aren’t really interested in oral. Receiving it, at least. Would you have any recent evidence to the contrary? Oh, and how long is too long _down there_ —“

“Work on your datapad,” Cassian covered his flushed face with his hand, “I’ll work mine.”

Han huffed; laying back in his chair and bringing up the rough pixel game the pilots called Asteroid on his datapad; his tongue flicking to the side on his mouth as Han battled imaginary obstacles with a concentration Cassian had never witnessed in the man before.  
  
Cassian had been anticipating honing his parental skills for weeks. Granted, he’d been planning on implementing fatherly tactics on a child-child. Not an adult smuggler years his senior. Still, beggars could not be choosers. When he received Leia’s message, Cassian saw no other alternative than to go along with this.

“Working on something,” Cassian paused in composing his own report to eye Han furiously hitting his thumbs against the pad’s screen.

Han snorted, “Playing _Asteroids_! Some techer’s been making the game in his downtime—want to play one round?”  
  
“Maybe later,” Cassian answered; watching Han cause little digital flares to knock hovering masses from the illustrated skies. Cassian hated to admit, the game looked intriguing—already formulating how to navigate the limited grid to block the so-called ‘asteroids’ more effectively than Han was managing. “—Slide to the left,” Cassian offered some manner of help.

“Thanks a mili—“ Han tapped the screen in triumph. “I finally got to level twelve!” 

“We’ve got some talented people on Base,” admitted Cassian begrudgingly. “It’s not everyone who can scrape together a gaming system in the off-hours—”

Cassian couldn’t read Han suddenly. An uncharacteristically contemplative stare before Han shrugged; lowering his shoulders to lounge too casually on the chair. Leia had sent a juice-pouch with him; fresh from the mess storage. 

Cassian asked over his work, “Finished your juice-pouch yet? Need me to rip the top –“

“I’ll do it myself,” Han shot back defensively; struggling to get the pouch open with his teeth. 

Yes, if Jyn and he ended up with a thirty-year-old man-child, Cassian would be well versed in parenthood. Grabbing the juice-pouch, Cassian opened the tab and passed it back to Han, “Don’t make a mess—“ 

“You were the one about to mess around in here,” taunted Han with a smirk. “You’ve really got it all figured out, huh? How to beat asteroids with one look. How to open the juice-pouch. How to get the girl—it all just sort of happens for you, doesn’t it?” 

Cassian was uncomfortable now; unsure how to react to such… off-putting esteem. “Not sure I have it all figured out,” he attempted to downplay the praise. When did Han Solo ever praise anyone, really? This had to be the set-up for something stupid! Cassian could open a pouch, figured out a game with no actual stakes. But what did those little task matter in the grand scheme of life? Han was rugged, a ne’er-do-well that pranced around Echo Base accountable to nothing and no one.

Cassian wasn’t about to pity Han Solo! An adult who chose to be what he was today!

Out of nowhere, Han was leaning inches from Cassian; pointing downward at the datapad and stammering—actually stammering—to ask, “Would you… couldn’t you read through something for me? Something I’ve been working on for a while? I’ve never really written anything before, or had people reading stuff I thought up. I think I got it all worked out, but you never know what people expect—“

Writing a report. Something Cassian could do on autopilot. Compile the necessary data in the first four sentence, organized by the most vital—a decent report, of the average transport mission Han usually carried out, could be achieved in a short paragraph. Still, if Han was trying—actually trying—to do all components of his responsibilities for the Rebellion, who was Cassian to not be helpful? 

“Sure,” said Cassian—slowly pushing his chair backward to earn some distance from the smuggler. “Anytime—“

“Good! I already sent the first couple of pages to you,” Han’s grin stretched past his cheeks; radiating excitement as he drummed a hand atop the table. “Just give me your opinion, okay? Your honest opinion—“  
  
Cassian cleared his throat, “Well, I wouldn’t write pages. If you can’t get your point across in one paragraph, maybe edit the extra out—“

Han sighed tiredly, “I just can’t seem to edit anything out. It’s exactly as I imagined things happening.”

“ _Imagined_ ,” questioned Cassian. “Han, you really should just stick to the facts! No embellishments—“

Han clutched his stomach; roaring with laughter as Cassian’s eyes narrowed.

“You’re funny,” Han choked back. “Oh, Force! I never realized you’ve got this dry humor about you—almost miss your jokes. Sure, no embellishments! I’d never embellish, Major Andor, sir! Just read the first chapter and tell me—“  
  
“Chapter,” Cassian selected the file; reading the title aloud, ‘ _CRASH INTO ME_ : THE STORY OF A PRINCESS AND HER DOTING RAIDER’—what am I reading, Solo? You.. wrote this?”

Han nodded eagerly; watching as Cassian read through the pages, _“—the rebellos princess’s skirt raized with the brewing storm and roded up her naked pearly thighs as her raider locked eyes on the smooth skin that cuivered under his ferryt gaze with anticipatchion of the incoming breathes that her doting raider lover would bystow on the soft and vibrant extendaturs of her blushing flesh that he had wanted to pleasure with his mouth and his penis till she saw stars overhead, but also felt safe and comfortable cause he was a nice guy like that but also a savage lover but in a good way, not a threatening way but hot and active but responsible as she grapped his cock and pleaded for the sweet sweet release of her crippling social resonsiblilities and just experience pure wish defining joy and stuff when his cock entered her soaked cunt and both felt the planets shake at the impact of finally being one being centered only in their primotial need for the other’s sex all the time from this moment onward until such a time as they both return to the stars as—_ “  
  
Cassian realized aloud, “This might be the longest run-on sentence in the history of—and it’s still going on, Han! Learn when to punctuate! … Wait! Is this meant to be about Leia… and you? You wrote a story about Leia? And seem to think this is something worth sharing with me? Why?”

Han exclaimed, “It worked for you, right? Wrote about your obsession with Jyn Erso, got the whole Base talking about how sexy and romantic it was, and the Jyn must have realized, ‘ _Wow! Cassian’s dick is where it’s at_ —’ and—“

“I have never, never, never, ever have written anything of the sort,” argued Cassian in a rage. “I would never… and why would I share that with anyone? That would be ridiculous to share that with other people just to get a girl’s attention—“

Han unlocked his datapad; scrolling through before placing in front of Cassian’s eyes the first chapter of ‘ _TALE OF TWO CAPTAINS’_. “I mean, you have nothing to be ashamed of—I thought this was pretty hot! Like when Jyn begs Horatio to _school_ her in giving the perfect blowjob. I mean, I’ve never realized I’ve been receiving shitting blowjobs my entire life until Horatio explained to Jyn how it should be done: lots of humming against the shaft, not too wet, and whistling around the tip—“

Cassian closed his eyes, muttering in disgust, “Which is how no one, ever, has given or received oral sex. Further proof that the Author has absolutely no idea what the kriffn’ Force they are writing about—and you serve as proof that the readers are buying this shit!”

Han, slowly, clapped a comforting hand on Cassian’s back—both so unnerved by the moment of connect they immediately leaped apart.

“So you didn’t write an erotic saga about Jyn Erso being this wanton sex-goddess? Who lowers her standards to teach the virgin Cassian Andor the ways of love?” Han scratched his chin in thought, “I guess, when I say those things aloud, it doesn’t really make sense why—if you were the Author—you’d be writing yourself as such a loser! I made the raider especially gifted sexually to blow the princess’s mind! Also, what loser would make this whole pregnancy melodrama happen? Who knocks their girlfriend up (during wartime) and thinks they aren’t ruining everyone’s life? Messed up, I’mma right?”

Cassian almost turned green in embarrassment, “What pregnancy melodrama? Force, they have Jyn pregnant already? After one sexual encounter with no protection? Of course she’d become pregnant”—Cassian laughed stiltedly at the idea; fully aware that at least was some part of his reality with Jyn.

Han held up a hand to stop him, “You see, I guess Jyn was getting off on this teacher-student dynamic Horatio started her on… but, like, reversed. So she taught Cassian how to sex good, but still met up with Horatio for the next-level bangs when Cassian proved too emotional needy and stale to really challenge her sexually!” 

Han brought up the chapter after virgin cave-in shenanigans—where Cassian, along with fakeCassian, had assumed some monogamous understanding went along with the cave-in sex. Apparently fakeJyn did not. FakeJyn just so happened to have a solo mission the next morning, ran into Horatio across the street from a hotel, and agreed to get a room.

* * *

 

_“NO,” she moaned like a wanton lothcat. “I… OH HORATIO! You are manly excellence personified!” Her space pirate buried his windchapped lips into her lumonius, heaving breasts—his engorged manhood hitting a place inside that Cassian never could fill. However long Jyn tutored, there was no manner to teach the natural, primitive, skills that Horatio had always (and would always) boast._

_Jyn begged for more, inticing with, “I’ve been such a bad girl, Captain! So very, very, very bad—“ On cue, Horatio got harder. Thrusts almost violent as he berated her; a galaxy away from sweet kisses and tender words from a Rebel Captain. But Jyn’s thoughts refused to register anything but the pleasure in receiving her punishment from Horatio and his massive cock._

_“Did you fuck that Rebel,” demanded Horatio as he plowed into her; stretching Jyn to her limits. Horatio spat the word ‘REBEL’ out as if accusing Jyn of fucking a Stormtrooper._

* * *

 

Cassian almost choked on his anger, “Kriff this! Just kriff it!”

“I hate that chapter,” Han announced; craning his neck to read over Cassian’s shoulder. “Too convoluted. So contrived! I mean, if she’s starting to have this deep, impenetrable connection to the Rebel Captain, why have Jyn leaping back into bed with the space pirate a day later?”

“It makes no sense,” agreed Cassian; slowly lowering the datapad in shock. Not only was he agreeing with Han Solo, HAN SOLO WAS READING THIS STORY. “How did you find this… this…” 

“ _Tale of Two Captains’_? I heard rumors,” explained Han vaguely. “Had to check it out myself. Not bad. But I’m not sure I understand Jyn’s motivations at this point—is she always all over the place? Like, in real life too? One minutes she hates the Rebellion and wants to return to Hovato—“

“Horatio,” corrected Cassian with a stammer. 

“Whatever! Then, she’s giving these rallying speeches about freedom to the hangar full of pilots being shipped off to battle. Force, woman! Make up your mind! Now she’s ‘torn’ in her love life as well? Don’t even get me started on the twins—“

That caught Cassian’s interest again: TWINS. As in: more than one? Where his mind had been fixated on baby, he’d never consider—but surely not! Multiple births weren’t common! Another inflation by the Author! 

“People are still reading this?”

“Daily,” Han informed him. “Not updated daily—whoever writes this must have some kind of actual responsibilities on and off base. But the comment section is always a buzz—“

“WHAT COMMENT SECTION?”

Han ignored the blunt question, “You’re not going to like the latest update, man. Maybe you should stop while you’re ahead—“

Seething, Cassian told him, “I read chapter after chapter of a flimsy idiot—wearing the name and basic description of my girlfriend—and her love affair with a self-serving bantha prick. I’ve read about how ‘Cassian Andor’ is a jerk—read the worst sex scene in this filth that was ‘ME’ losing ‘MY’ virginity to Jyn in a cave-in—“ 

“To be fair, I thought that one was a bit far fetched—“

“What could possibly make this worse? Does this Jyn stay with Horatio?” Cassian waited with baited breath as Han cracked his knuckles. 

Han admitted, “Not exactly. Jyn leaves you both in the dust—“

Cassian nodded, “Good for her! Both Horatio and _this_ Cassian Andor are worthless—“

“No, she acknowledges her love for you is far greater than anything she imagined having with Horatio,” Han said.

“Finally: something going right in this story,” Cassian sat up confidently again; thinking he could get through this sodden story if he was certain fakeJyn and fakeCassian got a happy ending with their kids. 

“She leaves you (for your own good) and travels to another planet to give birth to the twins alone; toiling in the fields but content with her lot if it means her son and daughter are safe from the agonies of war—“  
  
“Jyn… and Cassian have twins in this? I mean, it was sort of obvious but—“  
  
“You’re not the father,” Han smirked. “We finally got a description last chapter: pale, green eyes, light hair… other recessive genes you don’t carry.”

“Screw this,” Cassian tossed the datapad on the table. “Why make Horatio the father? What purpose does that serve—“ 

“Well, he is the love of Jyn’s life—“  
  
“I’m the love of Jyn’s life,” the words sounding much too arrogant when he heard them back. Cassian knew better than to assume anything in life—and the real Jyn’s reaction to that outburst? Would she laugh at the declaration or merely roll her eyes at him?

“I’m confused now,” Han shook his head roughly. “Are we talking about Jyn-Jyn or story-Jyn?“

Cassian closed the ‘ _Tale of Two Captains_ ’ tab; taking great enjoyment in watching the words flicker away—even if they only vanished from his screen; still up on lite screens as any number of Rebels read about daddy Horatio and his—that idiot probably wouldn’t even baby-proof his ship, but totally dad material! Just throw the kids in the cargo hold while the pirate entices Jyn to straddle him in the cockpit. What a great guy! 

“I need to find whoever is writing this,” Cassian admitted to Han; not really sure why his was seeking confidences with this idiot. “—I’ve got to make them stop before Jyn—“

Han hooted understanding, “She’d full on murder them, huh? Would she be court martialed for killing a fellow Rebel, or— hey, did you ever try the server?”

Cassian groaned; sneering darkly at the smuggler, “No, never thought about tracing the story uploads or checking the server. Groundbreaking input there, Solo!”

Han fidgeted in his seat, “Well, you don’t have to be a dick about it—of course nothing will show up if you’re tracing it backward from the Control panel! Even lesser soldiers without all the passcode overhead would know how to reroute the encryption! I did something similar this time on Nal Hutta. Everyone was so preoccupied guarding the mainframe from a cyber attack, I just had to find a loophole they weren’t monitoring and then – _BAM_! Downloaded the whole kit and caboodle on a datastick and bailed!”

“Are you suggesting you could… hack into our own servers and… get the story off,” Cassian tried to maintain calm. He fiddled with the sleeve of his coat as Han hit buttons on his screen; trying to not get over excited in case Solo announced, “ _Psych_!” 

But Han did appear to be working through something. Cassian glanced down to see Solo swiftly typing through a screen of solid block code script.

“If I do this, you’ve got to do me a favor,” threatened Solo; pausing his typing to stare up at Cassian with a challenge.

Of course, favors would have to be exchanged. “Fine,” agreed Cassian in a huff. “Do you want hangar clearance? Perks in the mess hall? I don’t have any credits—“

“Not between friends,” Han had enough dignity to seem offended by the offers. “I just… if you didn’t write the story, how did you get Jyn? How did you get her attention; and attention in a good way?”

Cassian opened his mouth to give a simple retort—closing it again when he stumbled over the answer: how had he? Gone about his days, subtly threatening the competition (no—Jyn didn’t like that one bit!), until Jyn made a move. How could he ever admit that to Solo? That he’d just really lucked out—“Are you asking me how to not be an asshole? Simple: stop being an asshole.”

“But it’s hard,” whined Solo like the thirty-year old man-child from before. “So hard! Especially when she’s being a flippant little snit!” 

“That settles that,” Cassian breached the topic uncomfortably. “She thinks you’re an asshole (among a long list of other insults) and you think she’s a flippant little snit—“

“—But she’s also bold. And brave. Very determined—a little lofty, maybe. But it suits her.” 

Cassian looked down at Solo’s screen longingly; wondering just which buttons needed to be pressed—if this was mechanical, a functioning error, he could solve this all himself. Coding, however, was never one of Cassian’s strengths. “Just be yourself,” Cassian suggested without conviction—certain someone had told him that sometime in his youth.

“But she doesn’t like myself! Myself is a bantha-milking, son of a moth-rat, nuff-licking—“

Cassian massaged his forehead, feeling a migraine coming, “We’re back to square one then!” 

“Done,” Han alerted; setting his datapad on the table in triumph. 

Cassian slowly blinked; taking in Solo’s wide grin with disbelief, “Done,” he asked quietly. “Like, _done_ done?” 

Han cracked his back loudly, rising to stretch, “ _’A Tale of Two Captain_ ’ is erased from the common server where its readers are downloading. Replaced with someone else’s masterpiece, but you’re going to have to ask the origin-source to stop putting it up personally. He definitely has backed this saga up!”

“Solo, you might not be a useless as you appear.” 

“That’s it,” Han looked excited. “I’m not as useless as I first appear. I grow on people! That’s what I should bank on—slowly wearing her… I mean, _people_ …. down with time!”

Cassian impatiently roared, “Who posted the story?”

“You’re not going to like this,” Han informed him; strolling for the door. “--Bodhi Rook.”

* * *

 Cassian crept open the door; ducking inside to see Bodhi frantically typing something into his datapad,

“Hey Bodhi—“ Cassian greeted; trying to be causal and calm. “—What are you working on?”

“My latest chapter,” Bodhi called out too quickly; not yet checking his admittance in the air—or Cassian being the visitor.

Cassian crossed the room; sitting rigidly at the foot of the bed as Bodhi finished typing a sentence. At the close with a period, Cassian stumbled over his words, “I’d like to know why I’m not the father of Jyn’s twins in your story.” 

Bodhi paled; eyes darting to take in Cassian’s practiced demeanor before quivering to set the datapad to the side, “So you found out, huh?”

Cassian’s scowl thinned as he bit the inside of his cheeks. He felt, possibly for the first time in his life, betrayed. Truly betrayed. Before, in the lifetime before Scarif and Rogue One, there wasn’t enough trust in friendship to feel betrayed by someone else’s actions. Now, Cassian realized how bare he’d become. How open and free he felt in the company of his comrades—now only to feel exposed that the Author wasn’t some stranger he or Jyn passed in the halls; but someone they’d laughed with; fought with. It was easy to be furious with a faceless stranger; to daydream about punching them in the face. However, it was entirely a different sensation to look over at Bodhi and realize how exposed this made them all. Cassian resisted all urges for violence; clenching his hands in his lap as he entreated for information—to understand why—

“Do you—I never realized I might not be the only one… maybe I was selfish in thinking I was the only one who’d developed these feelings for Jyn. You’re important to her, Bodhi. Very important. But do you think it’s fair to publish these fantasies for the whole Base to—“ 

Bodhi seemed confused, “Jyn is important to me, too. Wait—do you think I’m in love with Jyn—“ the pilot was giggling to himself now. “Oh, honestly! … Jyn’s great, though! Don’t get me wrong! …. Just, I never… thought of her… that way!”

Cassian glared at him, “You’ve written some very offensive and sexual encounters about Jyn—“

“About a lusty space pirate and a girl named _JYN_ ,” countered Bodhi without fail; seemingly confused by the debate. “Remember when we broke down on that swamp planet and you wouldn’t let us explore because you didn’t want anyone eaten? So we had to stay on ship while K-2SO repaired everything. Baze and Chirrut played Sabacc. Jyn was detailing her blaster and you watched; sniffing her neck—“ 

“I don’t remember, but I’m sure I was helping; not sniffing her neck,” said Cassian.

“—sure you were! Anyways, I got bored – and had just heard you telling this guy at the last outpost about Jyn’s space pirate lover; and I just sort of wrote a story on my datapad about how they met and fell in love. Just to pass the time.” 

Cassian grunted his disgust.

“Not a big Horatio fan, then?” questioned Bodhi in confusion. “Granted, Horatio is structured to be hard to love; a man bound by his own desires and ideals—“ 

“He’s a selfish ass,” Cassian argued; crossing his arms. “And let’s not pretend he’s not too old to be acting this way. Like when he met Jyn: you can’t tell me he wasn’t old enough to purchase the underage girl booze on most planets. That’s creepy!” 

Bodhi coughed into his hand, “I haven’t actually established an age for Horatio—“

“Convenient,” jeered Cassian.

“—I almost changed her name before publishing; but couldn’t find one that fit so well,” Bodhi rushed to explain. “Then, after chapters of feeding the Horajyn arch, I changed everything when you two started… romancing openly. I changed my story to include you—“ 

“But Horatio is the father,” grumbled Cassian with a frown. Knowing full well he was the father when it counted; in the real-worlds. “I just don’t get—and, for the record, I wasn’t a virgin before Jyn! I’ve had many lovers… partners, more like. I’ve had multiple sexual partners prior to Jyn… has K-2SO given you a number? Because Kay wasn’t present for some of those… Kay has a broad number that doesn’t factor in several women; and doesn’t take into account having sex repeatedly with the same woman—which did happen sometimes. Plus, you realize the dangers of publishing something on Hoth that makes sex during a cave-in seem desirable? It would result in hypothermia, Bodhi! Rebels would die if they tried to recreate that scene—“ 

“I’m sorry,” Bodhi told him. “So sorry—but people fell in love with the story; depended on updates when they come back from battles and mission. It was my way of serving the Rebellion… just for entertainment sake! Everyone can totally separate the Jyn and Cassian from this story from you and Jyn! I’m certain no one believes… would you be cool if you… if story-Cassian raises the twins with Jyn? Becomes this steadfast symbol of devotion?”

“This isn’t a negotiation, Bodhi. Jyn cannot be put under any extra stress right now,” Cassian said. “Do you know how she’d react to this…?”

“I’m just trying to reach a compromise,” Bodhi offered. “Wait! Is Jyn okay—“

Cassian shook his head, “We’re only touching the surface of my complaints—“ Cassian turned on his datapad; reading the first article from his list. “We’ve already touched on creepy older man having sex with the fifteen year old girl. Next, Jyn has never been to Cospain. Or worked in a rice field—“

Bodhi gulped, “You’re being very… thorough, aren’t you?”

“I’m still on my first line of complaints. Get comfortable—“

* * *

Cassian entered Jyn’s cabin with a skip in his step; toeing out of his snow boots and leaving them lined up by the door—pausing for a moment to organize Jyn’s own cast-off boots next to his. 

Jyn, already leaning back on her cot, smiled up at him, “You’re in a ridiculously good mood. Solve the Sanitation problem?”

“Working on it. I’m currently working to solve many different _problems_ ,” declared Cassian as he crawled over Jyn and scooted under the blanket. He bobbed through the tent of the blanket, searching around Jyn’s middle in the dimmed light, and pressed hasty kisses against her clothed body. 

Jyn sighed as he untied her pants, his head dipping to rest between her thighs, “You are Mr. Solve-it!”


	16. Editing

When Bodhi landed the U-wing with the latest shipment, he could never (even in his wildest dreams) have imagined Verty waiting for him; perched to the side of the hangar with her mass of dark hair scooped over her shoulder. 

She raced for Bodhi; locking her arms around his neck and murmuring into his ponytail, “It’s gone. I planned a massive re-read over lunch and it’s all gone!”

Bodhi patted her back; smelling the familiar scent of metal, fire, and oil from her work.

“Just editing some things,” Bodhi promised Verty; swaying to rock her through shudders of tears. “I’ll… once it’s all sorted, I’ll upload everything right away—”

“How can you edit perfection,” exclaimed Verty as her eyes watered. “Don’t rob us all of the greatest love story of all time!”

Bodhi weakly smiled at the woman; taking in her flaking blue lips chapped from the cold—she’d been waiting so long for Bodhi’s return! It made his heart constrict. His stomach flopped like he’d dropped the U-wing too sharply upon reentry and almost crashed… but in a pleasant way! In a way Bodhi thought he needed to experience again and again to fully understand the affects he was feeling. 

Blame him—Bodhi liked the attention! It was something altogether new: having people excited to see him; being more than just ‘the Pilot’ from ‘Rogue One’. Bodhi felt important as the Author, like he was making a difference in everyone’s lives—making the Rebels around him happy.

But Verty’s admiration surpassed all the rest.

“Bodhi!” Trudy now came running over—stopping a foot away and fidgeting as a group of pilots moved past them. “What happened to the story—I thought you’d have updated before leaving again? I so need to know more! Like with the twins: which baby-daddy is going to locate Jyn and find out first? Cassian’s still looking for her right? With K-2’s help?” 

With great regret, Verty’s arms slipped to lay lax at her sides. They locked eyes for a moment, a brief flickering moment, before both stepped away. Conscribing to the regulated distance Trudy demonstrated as ‘ _appropriate_ ’.

“A mass re-edit,” Verty took on the post of his spokesperson naturally. “Bodhi’s going to make ‘ _Tale of Two Captains_ ’ better than ever!”

Bodhi coughed awkwardly, “There are some issues to be addressed in my _structure_. I’ll take a short break, type everything out, than it will be up for everyone… where’s Shara?”

Trudy and Verty glanced at each other and smirked.

“—Shara’s kind of busy at the moment. But _he_ ships out in a couple days. Then she’ll be freaking out over why she doesn’t have multiple chapters to catch up on.”

Bodhi wanted to press just who _he_ was… but that was bad! He needed to stop using his friends’ romantic lives a fodder… just because he can’t seem to start one of his own.

A new voice called over the hangar, “— _Bodhi_!” 

“The chapters are comin—“ started Bodhi in frustration; stopping when Cassian Andor grimaced and gestured for the Pilot/Author to follow. 

“Have you been working on the issue,” asked Cassian as they walked; his arms crossed firmly in the back. “Attempting to rename—?” 

Bodhi nodded, “How about ‘JYSON ANERSO’ and ‘CASSA JINDER’?”

Cassian stopped them in a lone corridor, “Still too similar… I need you to really try here, Bodhi. People cannot figure out who you based these characters on. Or I’ll be forced to delete the whole thing!” 

“DON’T,” begged Bodhi; physically and mentally pressed into a sharp wall. “I’ll get this sorted… just need more time!” 

Cassian darkly threatened, “That story is going to end up in my delete files if you don’t stick to our deal: rename every character—and the Rebel Captain is the obvious choice from the start for the female lead.”

“I never agreed to that,” Bodhi stammered back. “If it’s not ‘ _JYN_ ’ anymore, what does it matter? I think my space pirate might just be the real hero all along!” 

“You wouldn’t,” huffed Cassian in anger before glancing down the hallway.

Bodhi stood up; squaring his shoulders to declare, “It is my story! Don’t threaten me—“

“Don’t threaten me!” 

“I’m not trying to threaten you,” Bodhi admitted. “You’re my friend. But I might need some new inspiration to get the juices flowing!”

Cassian cast a look to his left before sweeping to his right. Bodhi almost missed the mumbled name as Cassian stomped off— 

“Joreth Sward.” 

“Nice name,” Bodhi called after the Major. “Perfect for a space pirate.”

Bodhi was new at goading. He surveyed Cassian’s hunched shoulders with a moment's trepidation before the Major answered, “Joreth Sward is her Rebel Captain.” 

“ _Her_?” Bodhi taunted; already feeling inspiration pulse through his fingers.

“— _Kestrel Dawn_.”


	17. Moon Pies and Pornography

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... this trainwreck is still a thing...

Jyn darted through the alley. Zig-zagging, before abruptly changing her direction in a sorry attempt to out-maneuver the following Stormtroopers. The echoing _pings_ of their blasters proof she was failing. Risking a look over her shoulder, Jyn’s cheek felt the scorched energy graze against her skin— she shrilled into her comm, “Prepare for take-off!”

“ _Low profile_ ,” sneered K-2SO from inside the hidden spacecraft. “ _Under the radar_ —” 

Jyn replied through her teeth, “You can complain about this once we’re in hyperspace!” Jyn ducked out from behind the wall to fire six rounds at the approaching Stormtroopers. In quick succession the blaster erupted in her hand. Hitting one mark in the stomach. Bouncing off another Stormtrooper’s helmet and causing the man to roll around the dusty clay street in confusion.

Jyn had to give credit where credit was due: the un-hit Stormtrooper paused in his pursuit to check on his injured colleague, “You okay, Nore?” 

“My ears are ringing,” screeched the fallen Nore while clutching his still covered head... without taking the time to simply remove the source of his anguish and keep going.  

Rolling her eyes at the pair, Jyn hustled up the loading dock; feeling the shifting weight in her feet as K-2SO programed the ramp to rise as she fell into the moving ship.

  
Coughing up red dust from her race through the streets, Jyn felt a wave of nausea slipping from her throat and flopping downward. The sickening feeling left her weak and struggling to stand upright. Only one smell produced such a violent reaction in a pregnant Jyn—K-2SO leaned over her; scanning her body from head to toe.

“Has the embryo been dislodged during the standoff?” reprimanded a bored droid.

Jyn choked back bile, “Back up front, Kay—“  


The droid ignored her. Pulsating a hand like a health scanner over Jyn’s stomach, K-2SO reasoned, “It would appear you are still showing signs of pregnancy: intense irritability, bloated face, etc. However, the Erso-embryo could be scrambled now. Perhaps deformed—“

Thankfully, K-2SO had selected an autopilot function before leaving the cockpit to harass her. Jyn felt the movement of the craft— and a forthcoming calculated jump into hyperspace that K-2SO had formulated in the past hour. Repeated blasts of energy still fired against the durasteel sides of the ship like the frantic knocking of an uninvited guest. The rapid fire meant Nore seemed to have recovered slightly from his ordeal: _good for Nore_ , thought Jyn. 

“I can’t stand droid oil! We’ve been over this,” exclaimed Jyn as she fought the urge to vomit all over the floor. Which would lead to a mop-up she wasn’t in the mood for! And more excuses to maintenance on why another surface needed to be sanitized upon her arrival.  


“Your ‘ _morning sickness_ ’ (which is occurring outside the designated name-based timeframe) does not pertain to me. And I fail to understand why you’d continue putting yourself in such a predicament if you are fond of this lifeform and wish its growth to continue,” K-2SO dryly informed Jyn as she batted the mechanical hand away.  


“I’m not an invalid,” Jyn defended herself. “I can carry my own weight—“ 

“And quite the density that will soon become.”  
  
Jyn rounded on the droid, “Are you making fat jokes already? Because if you are, Kay: by the Force, I will destroy you with every arsenal at my disposal—”

K-2SO replied with the usual blunt edge, “It was not a joke. Just a statement that your size will increase at a 14:1:0005 ratio. Given the length (or lack) of your legs, you will appear to have tripled your body mass very early on. Furthermore, I estimate the ability of losing all the surplus mass after birth to be below 43%.” 

Rapidly breathing in hot air, Jyn calmly brought her blaster out of the hoister to aim at the droid’s left arm. She toyed with the idea of a headshot. Truly tempted to silence the droid completely for a couple hours. It would be hours until Cassian found the time to fix K-2SO back on Echo Base. But she needed a pilot for a safe landing. A mute K-2SO was tempting, but a functioning K-2SO very necessary.

K-2SO prattled on, “I am not saying that you will be enormous maliciously: I only sort through the data and compile my findings from there. With your frame, it is only logical that—” 

Jyn fired her blaster through the middle joint of the droid’s arm mechanics, grinning darkly when wires snapped and the lower arm fell to the floor. The separated part automated to wiggle around the ship’s floor like a dying fish choking on oxygen. 

“You shot me,” accused K-2SO in disbelief. “I cannot believe— Cassian will be furious! I will be filling out a report for this assault on my mainframes!” 

Jyn cradled her stomach and smirked up at the droid, “I don’t know what happened, _darling_? My hormones are all over the place. I felt baby was threatened, and something maternal just kicked in. All I knew was: I must protect _Cassian Jr_. at all cost. Even from _Cassian Jr_.’s future droid companion!”

“I am not the companion,” challenged back the droid in an uproar. “I will have human companions! Future human companions mothered by Veronica Salzer: who doesn’t shot me on a whim!” 

Jyn refused to rise at the bait of ‘Veronica Salzer’s perfect offspring’ for once; snidely replying, “Good luck with that.” 

Jyn’s comlink started to buzz, “Heading back now, Leia. Mission a success—”

“Wonderful to hear,” retorted the deep voice of Major Cassian Andor. 

The nausea was suddenly worse. Jyn excused it as being from the oil now gushing out of Kay’s missing appendage. Taking a seat in the hold, Jyn almost forgot to answer-- much preferring to have this conversation face-to-face when his cool voice wasn’t quite so overwhelmingly rational. 

“Kay got hit by friendly fire,” Jyn lied into the comlink in lieu of being a responsible adult and discussing her feelings— or a dedicated officer who sticks to the core facts of the completed mission. “He’s alive. Just singed a bit!”

K-2SO leaned over Jyn to hiss into the com, “She shot me, Major! She shot my arm off!” 

“Kay’s fine,” Jyn informed Cassian with an unseen shrug. “Just being a baby about the whole—” 

Poor choice of words. _Baby_. The air stood still around them as Jyn thought of a way to steer the conversation away from anything linked back to _BABY_. _Baby_ : the thing you just endangered because Leia asked you to. Not that Leia knew just what Jyn had risked. 

Cassian cleared his throat, “Weird shipment this morning: moon pies. Whole crate of disgustingly sweet congealed sugar resins. I attempted to bring you a couple—”

“I’ll be landing in a few hours,” Jyn sat up hopefully. Her mouth salivating at the idea of anything sweet and decadent. 

“Already gave them to Baze instead.”

Her brow creased in confusion, “You gave Baze _my_ moon pies?”

“... He seemed hungry,” was the lackluster excuse.

Jyn wanted to rip the smug calmness from this man’s voice. She would much prefer an hour long screaming match to this tactic! It was almost like Cassian gained control by subtly showing her how controlled he was being. All at once, Jyn rasped into the comlink, “This is some messed up power play, Andor!” 

“I’ve no idea to what you’re referring, Sergeant.”

In a monotone, Jyn answered, “Of course you do, Major.”

“I honestly have no idea, Sergeant Erso. Maybe you are confusing—”   

Mimicking his professional guise, Jyn told him, “And I can outmaneuver you at every turn. Just be aware of it. You choose to play this game, but I’ll be winning.”

K-2SO butted in, “If you two are finally finished, can Verty _upgrade_ Cassian’s hard drive tonight?”

“No,” they answered testily in unison before reverting to the facade again.

Cassian hissed flatly to her, “We can discuss this later. After you’ve submitted a full report through the proper channels. I believe you have several outstanding field-reports past due. Days stuck on base. Safe on base.” 

“Naturally, Major Andor! Sir!” Jyn assured the man with mock reverence. “I’ll get right on those reports.” 

Cassian lamely explained, “You shouldn’t be given clearance for field-work—” Jyn waited with bated-breath before Cassian redirected his train of thought. “—Not with so much data missing from previous missions. It could be a liability.”

“Will update my mission reports post-haste,” promised Jyn; lacking the time, patience, and commitment to compose the type of mission reports Cassian deemed properly ‘finished’. She snapped off the comlink and headed for the cockpit to escape the fumes of the droid oil, only to wake hours later to K-2SO towering over her. 

“You appear to be snoring now,” noted the droid before pounding some notes into its datapad. “Very loudly. Nasally. I questioned if it would be affecting the flow of oxygen to your brain. Failed to link progressive and disruptive snoring habits with the early stages of human pregnancy. But it wouldn’t be the first time an anomaly has manifested.”

Jyn groaned, “I’m not an anomaly, Kay.”

K-2SO lowered the datapad to declare with utmost certainty, “You are an anomaly in every way, Jyn Erso.”

A prolonged silence followed. Jyn hesitantly pondered if the droid meant these words to sound as endearing as they registered. She reached out for the droid’s still attached arm and gripped it loosely, “Cassian really needs to check your wiring again. Maybe ask when he’s reattaching the arm?”

“Don’t I know it,” observed the droid as it moved away.

Cassian’s noticeable absence from the hangar when they landed spoke more than any passive aggressive properness ever could.

K-2SO was especially peeved by Cassian not rushing out to check on them. The detached arm wiggled as Kay carried it down the ramp, unsure what to do when Cassian wasn’t there to immediately collect it.

“I’m not going to let just anyone fix _me_ ,” said K-2SO waving the arm in Jyn’s retreating direction.

Jyn called over her shoulder, “He’ll materialize quicker if I’m not around.”

Cassian was angry.

And Jyn couldn’t shake the needling feeling that maybe, just maybe, she had risked too much this time. 

Not that she was going to actively seek Cassian out and _BEG_ for forgiveness! She’d gone off in the best interests of the Rebellion. Jyn had made a decision and seen it through— and she wasn’t going to start wasting time and energy second-guessing herself in the aftermath. No explanation was owed to the man. Right? 

Jyn’s exit from the hangar was blocked as Leia, arms crossed, stepped in front of her. “Did Obsern give you any trouble?”

Jyn winced in memory of the green, overly-talkative humanoid, replying, “He certainly liked to hear his own voice.”

“Most males do,” teased Leia with an eye roll. Somewhere behind her, Han ducked back into a doorway adjusting his mittens. “That’s why I sent you to keep Obsern in line!” 

“Well, I’m off to write the full report,” scoffed Jyn as she backed around the younger woman.

Leia snorted a laugh, “Why bother? Just give me a full, verbal, run-down. So you got the coordinates for the Imperial outposts? Everything seem on the up and up?”

Jyn scrunched her nose in thought. All too aware of the tall figure lurking around the X-wings in his puffy blue coat—keeping his back to her as he directed a group unloading a supply shipment. Jyn passed a datachip into Leia gloved palm. “Obsern was too scared that you and I would come find him if he double-crossed us.”

“I wouldn’t want us coming after me either,” admitted Leia with a smirk; turning to glance in the direction of Jyn’s attention. “Major Andor got your tongue?” 

Jyn shook her head. Taking a few steps back, “I really should write-out the report.” 

Leia begged, “But I don’t feel like reading another report!” 

Jyn locked eyes with the princess, “We appear to be at a standstill.”

“Just tell me it went off without a hitch, the plan fail-proof, I can continue doing what needs to be done here, and every doubt Andor has been bombarding me with for the past few hours completely unfounded.”

“Oh, I can guarantee Cassian’s doubts were unfounded,” urged Jyn firmly. “He’s… paranoid. That’s all. It’s about us, not you. You made a good call sending me.”

Leia looked worn, “He’s been nagging me! Never knew he could be was such a pain in the arse. Kind of assumed since he was quieter, he was less annoying. Less annoying than some of them.” 

Jyn shook her head, “I just… it’s just hard to be with someone. To have feelings for that person, to have an image of that person in your head, and then also exist with the image they have for you. It is a constant back and forth of everyone’s will power.”

“That sounds miserable,” announced Leia.   

“It can be,” admitted Jyn bleakly. “But then— you can’t end your day knowing they’re upset. You can’t close your eyes without knowing it’s going to be okay again, because who knows what you’ll find when you wake up? What if you never have a chance to make things right again?” 

“Plus: he’s got a cute butt,” Leia taunted with a gleam over her shoulder.

“One of the best asses—” finding herself at a loss for words, Jyn cupped a fist full of air in front of her vision. “I mean, I never would have guessed at first… then he turned around and ‘ _BAM_!’”

Leia grinned wildly at Jyn, “Want a special surprise? Something to make it all better?” 

Jyn nodded, “I doubt it will make everything all better. But sure. Why not?”

Leia raised her eyebrows at the dare; calling out over the hangar, “Major Andor, I think the mech cart got stuck under that X-wing again!”

Cassian screech in annoyance, “Not again!”

The crowd eagerly nodded and confirmed that Princess Leia was correct.

“We need to all treat our equipment responsibly,” coached Cassian as he marched towards the far X-wing. “Equipment doesn’t just ‘pop’ into existence when requested from the Force!”  
  
With a sharp turn, Cassian bent over as long arms searched under the X-wing. Showing off the goods to the wide approval of the hangar on Echo Base.

Jyn whistled lowly at the sight, “You’ve done this before,” she realized with a grin. 

Leia nodded, “Someone’s been needy and found himself on everyone’s last nerve. The wide consensus was that Cassian Andor needed to pay the toll… so we might be pushing the cart and kicking a wrench or two under there when he’s not paying attention.” Shrugging casually, Leia also admitted, “And my arms are just too short to reach. As is anyone else who tries. Cassian is the only one--”

Jyn admired the craned necks twisted to enjoy the view. Then her eyes zeroed onto the round buttocks stretched into the air; flexing as he scrambled to retrieve the mech cart. Cassian’s thick coat bunched around his hips to show-off the high pert mounds of a muscular ass emerging from the otherwise lanky frame. 

The return of the tight pants a more than pleasant surprise. It would seem K-2SO was less concerned about Cassian’s sperm count in recent weeks. Go figure! She whispered longingly, “Kay’s allowing tight pants again.”

“May the Force be with that crazy droid,” Leia replied. 

“Can someone get me a crowbar?” Cassian asked the hangar. Rising slightly to the collective groans of the crowd.

A cadet gulped. “Getting one,” they promised. Not bothering to move away from their spot, or the display of eye candy. When the wheels of the cart scraped along the concrete floor, the crowd turned and dispersed as Cassian rose and readjusted his coat. 

“Can we all agree to respect the equipment?” ordered Cassian to the indifferent crowd—

finding, to his discomfort, that Jyn Erso was the only one willingly making eye contract. Jyn leered as he coughed into a gloved hand. 

Jyn nodded earnestly as Cassian looked away, pushing the cart to the back of the X-wing.

“I will be respecting the _equipment_ , Major Andor,” she exclaimed; certain he’d heard her as his back tensed.   

Leia scowled after Cassian, “What’s his problem? You’re back. The mission was a success.” 

“Don’t worry,” Jyn assured her. “Man completely loves me.” Jyn submitted a mock salute to the Princess as she edged towards the exit, “Mission a success. You’ve got the coordinates. I don’t have to write a report for you… so I’m going to attempt sleeping a bit before my favorite Major finds the time to make-up properly.”

“-- And make out,” Leia called after her; causing Han to slip on a sheet of ice as he sprang out from the doorway again. 

Han gulped as he righted his feet, “Who’s making out? Where—”

“Not you,” noted Leia; already agitated by the smuggler. 

Jyn scooted for the residential hallway before the Leia/Han showdown could reach threatening levels of smug obliviousness. 

* * *

 

Lyra Erso had taught her daughter that the Force offered a balance in the galaxy. Woven in were the good and bad, and what was offered into the Force came back to each ten-fold. But maybe that had been a myth? Or Lyra’s attempts to keep her daughter positive and kind with the threat of the Force’s retribution hanging over every action?

Apparently Jyn was experiencing the off-set of her negative actions now!

She woke, alone, in her cabin. Barely clocking an hour of sleep. With the insistent banging of a headboard echoing into her cabin from the far wall—gasps and squeals of surprise hinting that Kes Dameron and his new ‘ _friend_ ’ were only starting up again.  


Jyn sneered under her breath, “And I’m the _rude_ neighbor?”  


Jyn kicked her legs free of the chunky blanket in frustration.  


A high-pitch scream of, “ _KES_ ,” and Jyn punched the pillow beneath her.  


“—not like I need any sleep,” Jyn complained to the frosty air. “Worked a double-shift of training recruits, organized the grain shipment, watched snow blow for four hours in Observation and logged said ‘snow blow’ for the records—got to keep up the records! Took a strategic mission for Leia Organa... Oh, and growing an actual human life in my uterus. But go right ahead, Dameron. Have fun!”  


She smelled the arriving annoyance before the door to her cabin shot open.

Instantly, a wave of nausea had Jyn hunched over on the cot—hands reaching out to locate a nearby waste bin.

“Jyn Erso—“ K-2SO greeted; stilled in completing its agenda when Jyn vomited into the bin.  


K-2SO groaned in frustration, “You’re wasting vital nutrition that way!”  


Jyn batted away a mess of tangled bangs in order to glare at the droid, but the overwhelming scent of droid oil sent her retching into the bin before she could reply, “ _DUH_!”  
  
Mournfully, the droid continued, “I don’t see why you wait to do that until I enter a room. In truth, if you are trying to suggest something, it is highly illogical. The embryo couldn’t possibly be allergic to me—I am composed of metal alloys. And, if said embryo is allergic to metal alloys, perhaps it is best to end it now: space stations and the majority of the galaxy are constructed by some variant of metal—“  


Jyn coughed with a burning throat, wiping away a layer of spit from her chin, “It’s not all about you, Kay!”  


Mechanical eyes locked on her face, scanning for a reaction reading—before peering into the contents of the bin, “Cassian did say I was being overly sensitive—“  


Seeing a window for discussion, Jyn asked, “Maybe you could change something up? Use a different droid oil?”  


“—I am still offended by the—“  


“What do you want?” Jyn scooted back in the cot to sit against the far wall with the waste bin resting in her lap. The animalistic sounds of Kes Dameron’s _good time_ still echoing into the small space. 

“I am concerned over Cassian’s—”

Jyn loudly vomited into the waste bin.

K-2SO stepped away from the cot. Annoyed at being interrupted, K-2SO quickly started speaking when Jyn stopped. “As I was saying, I am concerned over Cassian’s pornography usage—” 

Jyn held up a finger to silence the droid before puking the remaining contents of her stomach into the bin.

Crossing its restored arms defiantly, K-2SO surmised, “I’m still not convinced you aren’t doing that on purpose, Jyn Erso!”

“Go on,” urged Jyn as she coughed up watery bile and spit. “You were explaining… Cassian’s porn use to me.”

K-2SO released its mechanical sigh, “I have run the numbers and conducted the research: I now believe Cassian suffers from what is becoming a growing phenomenon in this galaxy. I believe Major Andor suffers a pornography addiction.” 

Jyn snorted loudly. Pausing to play serious, but failing to hide her laugh from the droid. “Cassian… addicted to porn? That’s what you’ve been working on? Force, Kay: you’ve got to be kriffin joking!” 

K-2SO told Jyn, “Masturbation has always been his private pastime while on base. I’ve clocked him, when he was fourteen, spending hours alone in his cabin. I had feared chafing would become an issue.”

“Please, please, please,” begged Jyn. “Stop. It… hurts… to laugh after… vomiting so much!”

K-2SO ignored the woman and continued, “Draven was very concerned, and even had to explain to Cassian that he needed to come up with another stress reliever if he would ever be a resourceful spy!” 

“You don’t understand,” coughed Jyn uncomfortably. “That’s kind of what child soldiers do. In our off-hours. It’s free entertainment. It’s easy. And it feels amazing when you learn how to work out the _kinks_! I spent most of my spare time in a fresher or bunk when I learned how to flick the bean. I would be much more concerned if a fourteen year old Cassian wasn’t an insatiable, chronic masturbator!”

“Jyn Erso, you are not taking this news as seriously as I’d anticipated,” warned the droid. “Cassian has now reached a stage where he’s hiding his pornography collection from me. Don’t you understand what that mean? The implication of him hiding his newest shame from me?”

A whirling of metal inside K-2SO’s mainframes gave Jyn cause for concern, “Did your fans just turn on, Kay? Are you overheating-- again?” 

K-2SO whined, “You are failing to comprehend the levels of vulgarity and perversion involved in his latest pornography venture. In the early years, Cassian’s tastes could only be described as ‘standard’. Nudity. Basic story progression. Male-female penetration.”

“Dirty,” Jyn interrupted mockingly. “I’m especially concerned now since his recent sexual interests still involve nudity, a basic story progression, his penis entering my vagina-” 

“He did, naturally, enter a ‘ _slave girl_ ’ phase,” continued K-2SO worriedly.

Too much information there! Jyn hid a grimace. She fought the image of a young Cassian masturbating to the fantasy of consequence-free sex with pliant females who can’t say ‘no’. But, Jyn had also grown-up to the rough manners of soldiers. Especially the male variety. A society where she could be scolded in one corner for not making up her bunk while a group watched a scantily-clad female dance on a holo steps away. Sexuality was as necessary as death for a soldier to become impervious about. You fuck, then you died. Jyn hadn’t been lying when she claimed to have seen it all. Holo after holo. Whisper after whisper. Grunt after grunt. All made the actual moment of losing her virginity underwhelming by comparison.

So she shrugged insusceptible to the new information about Cassian, “I think that’s another pretty common fetish in this galaxy.”

“Tentacles,” said K-2SO running an arm through the air and knocking Jyn’s coat to the ground. “Cassian has always been fixated on tentacles. Even before his sexual awakening commenced.” 

And that caught Jyn’s attention again: tentacles. She stammered, “So… like… non-human slave girls?”

K-2SO observed evenly, “Humans do tend to lack those.”

Jyn gulped, “What about tentacles?” 

“Twi’lek females were his particular obsession,” stated K-2SO; clearly running a program now in its mainframe. “In his mission history, Cassian has liberated at least four Twi’lek slaves. I was almost convinced that he would impregnate one of them, at least. Twi’lek and human offspring are so strong and reliable! But Cassian would just give them food rations and let them go back to their homeworld and families…”

“The nerve,” interjected Jyn.  
  
“Then Cassian just had to become politically correct,” scoffed a deflated K-2SO. “He deleted all his slave holos and lectured his peers on ‘female liberation’ and ‘consent’. It took Cassian three years to realize the slave girl pornography actually involved oppressed slave girls…” 

Jyn fumbled for an age, “So, around sixteen, Cassian gave up this pornography you’ve been telling me all about? Years before he met me. And tried to explain to his peers how uncool masturbating to enslaved women is? Wow, Kay! Sounds like a wonderful guy, there! Almost makes me want to have his baby… oh, wait--” Jyn rubbed her belly and smirked. “Too late. Already am!” 

K-2SO paced into the shadows by the fresher, “Please stop reminding me!”

“Kay, I’m assuring you: I’m a bigger pervert than Cassian in every way. Anywhere. I’ve been holding back, honestly, to keep Cassian’s brain from frying up, and I’ll be slowly easing him into my really messed up—”

“—Do you frequent Hutt pornography, Jyn Erso?”

There was pornography for Hutts? Jyn had seen a Hutt before. Years ago in a cantina. A young one. Smaller, but still took up the doorway. Sliding wrinkly skin as it moved into the room… her gag reflex was aching again. In all her travels, Jyn had never heard about Hutt sex, whatever that would entail, and knew she never wanted to… 

“You’ve got to be mixing up terms,” Jyn was quick to deflect. “Non-humanoid porn: I can get that. It’s a taste of something different. But Hutts? There is no way Cassian is inclined towards Hutts! The man I’m sleeping with… the father of my child… no. Try again, Kay!” 

Without a knock, Cassian came bounding into the cabin, “I love you both, and I’m sorry.” 

From the shadows of the room, K-2SO answered, “And I, partially based on my programming and understanding of my dependency on you as my human companion, share a similarly imperative connection to you, Cassian, that might be defined as _love_ by a lesser lifeform--” 

“He was talking to us,” Jyn explained from the bed; pointing down at her flat stomach to make her point. Turning to Cassian, Jyn admitted, “And I’m sorry too. I should have… I knew the mission needed to get done, and purposefully didn’t talk to you about it knowing you’d tell me I shouldn’t go. So I just went.” 

Cassian nodded; sliding onto the cot and resting his head next to Jyn’s against the wall. He was exhausted. Layers of purple circles rimmed under his eyes as he admitted, “I didn’t want to end the day without us being alright.” 

“We are,” replied Jyn as she laced their hands together—quick to back away when Cassian moved in for a kiss. “Wouldn’t if I was you,” she cautioned.

“Jyn Erso has been vomiting again,” the droid proudly alerted its human. “Outside the ‘morning sickness’ timeframe. I’ve made a note of these occurrences to better enlighten the medics about all Jyn and baby Erso’s abnormalities.” 

“Baby Erso-Andor’s abnormalities,” Cassian corrected under his breath as his eyes slipped shut. Now: Jyn could see herself restfully sleeping. Even with the commotion still coming from Kes Dameron’s cabin. The squeaking of an old mattress making Cassian’s eyes flash open only to close again. 

“When I wake up, we’re going to be giving them a run for their credits,” promised Cassian.

Jyn nodded, “Oh— it’s on! Once we’re rested, that is.”

“It would be stupid to ‘ _bring the heat_ ’ when we’re both tired. But… maybe three hours? Four? … Your neighbor is going to hear the ravings of a very pleased woman,” a loud yawn slipped out to spoil the Festian’s words. 

Their foreheads resting together, Jyn couldn’t contain a relieved sigh of contentment. Jyn Erso already considered herself a very pleased woman. 

There was no way—no kriffin way— Cassian Andor had Hutt porn on his datapad. 

Looking over to the silent droid monitoring its sleeping human, Jyn made a truce. Both she and the droid needed to get into Cassian’s ‘OPPOSITE OF PORN’ file. For Cassian’s wellbeing, really! And Jyn’s peace of mind. And to keep K-2SO’s mainframes from overheating.

Why would he lock both of them out anyway? What did Cassian have to hide now-a-days?  
  
On cue, Cassian (eyes still closed) reached into his blue coat. He pressed a crinkled foil package into her free hand. "Saved you a moon pie," Cassian explained before falling asleep seated upright on Jyn's cot. 

With gusto, Jyn ripped the package open; taking such a large bite of the overly sugared dessert that crumbs flaked down her chin as oozing icing followed.   
  
"You're going to vomit again," warned the droid watching over them. 

Jyn ignored the droid, muttering up to Cassian, “Love you…”  
  
The corner of his mouth lifted. This time, Cassian had heard her.


	18. Droid Banter

“—Obviously, I cannot present the data to prove Cassian’s superior achievements in the field,” K-2SO primly informed the lesser droid. “Major Andor has always worked on such high-profile missions. Doubtless, you would not be of clearance level to receive even _rough_ (overly edited) reports of his mission history… … … being _just_ a protocol droid. _Go_ : find something to translate!”  
  
CASE SETTLED. K-2SO marched past the gold-plated monstrosity with every indication that it had won this debate once and for all: Cassian Andor was the single most impressive human being in the Rebel Alliance— if not the entire galaxy! And, without hesitation, Cassian Andor should be treated as such!

K-2SO miscalculated how much this protocol droid simply liked to hear itself function. “Well! I fail to see how a character shrouded in such mystery could be any better than the Princess. Or Master Luke! Both have worked tirelessly for the Rebel Alliance—”

“Not since they were only six years old,” argued K-2SO; disappointed it had to continue this tedious conversation further. “While your farm boy was still bringing in the harvest, Major Andor had already finished up his various studies of political theory and military strategy, and successfully completed 167 missions… which I cannot supply details, since you are of such low clearance. But those 167 missions shaped the Rebellion! We would not be here today without Cassian Andor!”

“... Master Luke is the last of the noble Jedi knights,” interjected C-3PO with a high-pitched whine.  
  
K-2SO stated flatly, “They faced extinction for a _reason_ . Festians are too clever to ever only boast singular numbers — ”  
  
Even if he chose to breed initially with Jyn Erso, Cassian had the foresight to increase his cultural group’s size. That counted in his favor! It counted, and K-2SO was going to exploit that fact… the droid paused its speech patterns: neither Cassian or Jyn Erso wanted their increased numbers openly spoken of.  
  
Jyn Erso, on record in its databank, instructed: ‘ _DON’T BLAB IT AGAIN, METAL-HEAD!_ ’  
  
Cassian, K-2SO’s Cassian, had requested, ‘ _Respect our privacy, Kay_.’

“You are being inordinately hostile in this discussion, _security droid_ ,” the golden talk-piece complained. Clearly lacking in formulating any sound argument at this point.

Oh, was K-2SO being too mean for some protocol droid’s sensitive little wiring-system? It was no concern of K-2SO if this droid thought it being ‘ _inordinately hostile_ ’!  
  
“Master Luke destroyed the Death Star. Single-handedly. With what was thought to be an impossible shot,” C-3PO dramatically recited.  
  
Like K-2SO hadn’t been posted in Control watching the blast with the still recovering Jyn Erso. But _only_ because Cassian hadn’t been awake… and K-2SO sincerely doubted Jyn Erso could continue standing for the entire ordeal without assistance. Even if ‘ _assistance_ ’ under those circumstances really only amounted to standing behind her in front of the monitor.

“Not like _he_ could have destroyed the Death Star without Cassian’s selfless…” Could K-2SO accurately claim ‘ _selfless_ ’ when it might have been an early stage of the mating ritual Cassian was embarking on? Regardless, K-2SO was going to claim ‘ _selfless_ ’. “... _selfless_ mission to recover the—”

“A mission cannot be a mission without orders to carry-out said mission,” stated C-3PO prissily. “Even a protocol droid is aware that a mission cannot occur without the Council sending the team off. Safe to assume that was not Major Andor’s 168th successful, high-profile, mission?”

K-2SO observed, “I’ve combusted metals more durable than you. Or your arguments!”

“It is impossible to engage in a civil discussion with a droid not programmed for such interactions,” boasted the tub of useless golden aloids. Whoever or whatever constructed such a device as this protocol droid needed to be whammed in the head! And the span of K-2SO’s arms could carry-out that mechanism easily!

“—Hey, hey, hey,” the Princess rounded the corner of base; hands raised in mock surrender. “What’s going on out here? We could hear your bickering all the way in Control!”

“That droid started it,” complained C-3PO like an unprogrammed dataless mainframe fresh off the conveyor belt! K-2SO should have expected as much.

Dryly, K-2SO corrected the events, “I did not start this interaction. But am more than willing to finish it.” One by one, K-2SO unfurled its mechanical fingers; flexing them slowly into a controlled fist. K-2SO preferred to think of its functions as a bit more intellectual and data driven than the average droid, but K-2SO was also well-programed to administer violence when the situation called for brute-force.  
  
“That will not be necessary,” Leia replied; eyes widening at K-2SO’s ready fist. “Return to Major Andor. Now.”

K-2SO stood in place; weighing the pros and cons of submitting to this command from Princess Leia. Truly, K-2SO was subservient to no one. Cassian had made sure of that. Statements similar to Princess Leia’s could so easily enter its mainframe only to slip right back out. Without need of storage or later retrieval.    
  
Point of fact, K-2SO only turned and walked away with the understanding it would please Cassian that it had functioned in such a manner. And Jyn Erso might not later complain about how rude it appeared to the Princess; or how much damage K-2SO had done to that annoying protocol droid!  
  
“I am going to find Major Andor,” replied K-2SO as it walked off. “Only because I wish to do so!”

Expecting to receive endless praise from its human, K-2SO burst into Cassian’s cabin already alerting the Major of its reasonable behavior, “I did not destroy the protocol droid _again_ . You are welcome.”  
  
K-2SO heard its human’s heavy sigh from the bed as the droid crossed to stand in the corner that will only ever be its own; knocking the already bent cage (meant for a small child still in uterus) to the far side of the cabin. Where said cage belonged!  
  
“—thank you for not destroying C-3PO, Kay. Skywalker and Leia appear to be very fond of that one.”

K-2SO assessed, “Which I do not understand. How could anyone be ‘ _fond_ ’ of such an insufferable hunk of metal?”  
  
“No idea,” groaned Cassian unenthused from the bed.  
  
Clearly, K-2SO had set all standards for Cassian on what a droid should truly be.  
  
Turning to praise its human (who had still not submitted the customary praise in return), K-2SO observed Major Andor still sprawled across the bed. In the nude. With his hands bound to the metal headboard behind him. Knotted with several knots by one of Jyn Erso’s scarves.  
  
“Have you been attacked?” inquired K-2SO from its corner. “When I left this morning, you claimed to have a meeting. In private. With Jyn Erso… … … had you dismissed me in order to fornicate? I should have known you were getting rid of me in order to fornicate with Jyn Erso!”

Cassian struggled with his tied hands for a moment before he admitted, “ _Yes_. We both had a free morning. I purposefully told you to leave so we could—”

“Is Jyn Erso abusing you?” demanded a livid K-2SO stepping closer to check for signs of domestic abuse. K-2SO noted fresh scratches along its human’s bare arms. “As I’ve informed you several times before: you do not have to put-up with this behavior. You can do better, Cassian! Verty is still an option for your happiness and the production of a strong lineage!”  
  
Another deep sigh from the Major, “I asked for this, Kay. Jyn and I talked, and I requested… to be tied-up. It’s a… sexual thing! Another weird, complicated, human-sexuality thing that I cannot explain.”

Curiously, K-2SO asked, “Would this be considered power-play? I have stumbled across that in my research of human fetishes, but would never have thought…” But Cassian’s phallus drew K-2SO’s attention to a more serious issue. “Your penis is smaller than I had previously measured.”  
  
Cassian spat out, “Phrasing, Kay! Think about your phrasing! You have never measured my —”  
  
“Well, not physically,” countered the droid; holding up two mechanical fingers to form a protractor of sorts. “I have my own ways to formulate size and scale. Is the cold a factor? Or have you already finished a round of intercourse with Jyn Erso?”

Cassian’s face was purple. His nose drawing forth rapid breaths. Much like a bantha bull ready to charge. But Cassian admitted, “Both. Please leave, Kay—”  
  
“Do you not wish to be unbound?” The droid moved closer to the cot. “And you really have no reason to feel shame about the size of your penis: it seemingly has not resulted in a difficulty with spreading your semen; or prevented successful insemination. I realize male species are sensitive about the question of size (and while yours is not in the realm of what I have estimated for Bodhi Rook or Han Solo’s), it can be described as a moderate enough size for the male-human genitalia.”

Husky with sarcasm, Cassian said, “Thanks. Now, leave before Jyn—”

“I am much more concerned over your testicals! Cassian, why are your testicals no longer symetrical?” K-2SO held up its fingers to calculate the difference. When K-2SO first realized Cassian had a biological impulse to spread his semen (and acknowledged its own need to gain a future human companion), Cassian had perfectly symetrical testicals to get the job done! Now: the left testical was significantly higher. “—The right testical is hanging at an eleven degree angle!”  
  
Cassian tried (and failed) to cross his legs and hide his testicals from further analysis, “I don’t know. Maybe something inflicted testicular trauma on me because _IT_ believed I was going to be abandoning Jyn and our baby?”  
  
“I am not to blame,” the droid exclaimed defensively… but what if K-2SO was? What if the future for Cassian (to successfully inseminate Verty Salzer) was hindered by its own impulsive actions… all for the sake of functioning to protect Jyn Erso and her offspring? What had K-2SO done!  
  
“... I have ruined you,” lamented K-2SO disgusted with itself.  
  
Cassian tried to calm the droid, “Really Kay, it’s okay! I’m already going to be someone’s father… and if Jyn and I want to have another kid someday, I’ll deal with this issue then.”  
  
Wait! Why would Cassian consider having multiple offspring with Jyn Erso? Oh: Cassian was teasing! Human humor was so varied and so easily missed the mark! Not having a program for laughter, K-2SO raised its hands over Cassian’s naked body and attempted to simulate the gesture for ‘clapping’.  
  
Jyn Erso entered the cabin already struggling to take Cassian’s coat off. Holding a bowl of something up into the air, she exclaimed, “Got the fuel for round two! … hey, Kay… … …  been here long?”  
  
“Long enough to have started my research of human fetishes and abnormal sexual practices,” said K-2SO. “Did you know Cassian used to suffer erections when he drafted mission reports about your behavior in combat? I keep pondering if that might be to blame for _this_ … abnormality.”

Jyn nodded, “I mean: he is tied-up. We did discuss certain interests in domination…” Jyn pulled something out of the back of her pants: her baton. She’d returned with food and a weapon to the still restrained Cassian Andor—  
  
“Jyn Erso, Cassian chaffs very easily. Cassian chaffs and bruises very easily! Be careful, and do not hurt him!”  
  
Jyn raised an eyebrow at the droid, “It’s just a prop: we both agreed I wouldn’t be using it on — ”  
  
“We’re not into pain,” stammered Cassian to explain from the cot. “It’s about Jyn overpowering me… but we’re not going to be hurting each other.”  
  
“Of course not,” Jyn agreed. “Pain for pleasure? Not into that! But Cassian asked me to dominate… and I am totally into that one!”

K-2SO gripped Jyn’s arm and pulled her towards the fresher. Unconcerned, Jyn placed the bowl and baton down on Cassian’s desk before allowing herself to be dragged off.  
  
“I need a moment,” the droid reported to Cassian before hurling Jyn into the small space; following and closing the door tightly behind them.  
  
K-2SO explained itself, “ _Seducing_ the password for the datafile ‘THE OPPOSITE OF PORN’ will not be successful, Jyn Erso. It is not in your capabilities, and Cassian is too intelligent to not get suspicious!”  
  
Jyn hissed back, “You asked me to help! We agreed to work together for the password… what did you mean then? What did you think I’d be doing?”  
  
“Hacking! I assumed it was quite obvious I asked for your skills (as a criminal, not a seductress!) to liberate Cassian’s datapad from his possession and hack into the protected file,” explained K-2SO as quietly as possible.    
  
Jyn implored, “I think you’re wrong. I’ve been drilling him all morning, and I really think the naughtiest scenario Cassian’s ever considered was this fantasy of me ‘conquering’ him.”

“There is only one way to be certain, Jyn Erso. We must go through his pornography collection and assess the damage done to Cassian’s psychology,” stated the droid.  
  
“I’ve had Cassian naked and completely turned-on all morning,” Jyn replied. “The only suggestion from me that made his eyes bulge-out was when I held him down and commanded him to tell me _everything_!”  
  
“... that’s what started this bondage experiment?” K-2SO was so confused.  
  
Jyn Erso answered, “He’s been giddy ever since. Giddy.”  
  
K-2SO crossed its ams with authority, arguing, “Cassian Andor does not do _giddy_.”  
  
Defiantly, Jyn Erso stepped forward. She jammed a finger against K-2SO’s chest plate before repeating, “He’s been giddy. I’ve made him giddy. But clearly I’m inept at seductions!”  
  
Only Cassian could be played by Jyn Erso’s seduction techniques. But the droid edited its comments in order to not alienate its tumultuous ally. Instead K-2SO rushed to redirect Jyn Erso, “Do what must be done: but we do not leave this cabin without the datapad. It is vital, Jyn Erso, to protect Cassian. We must break into his pornography collection in order to save Cassian Andor from himself!”  
  
Jyn snapped, “I’m not so sure—”  
  
“HUTT PORN,” K-2SO reminded her. “I walked in on Cassian studying Hutt porn. Four years ago. Do you want to bring your offspring into an environment where Hutt Porn exists…” K-2SO’s attention was diverted to the sink. Cassian, always tidy and meticulous, never left products out on the sink. Cautiously, K-2SO picked up a toothbrush and held it under Jyn’s nose. “—Why are your things in this fresher? You have a perfectly decent fresher in _your_ cabin!”  
  
Jyn shrugged with forced indifference, “We’re thinking about living together. Like Cassian pointed out to me: it’s silly to waste a perfectly good cabin when we could just share full-time.”  
  
Did Cassian really use that excuse? And did Jyn Erso actually fall for it? Disappointed with both of them, K-2SO demanded, “Why would you do that? Why would either of you want—”  
  
Jyn raised a hand; lowering her toothbrush back to the sink, “We’re just trying it out. _Slowly_. To see if it works for everyone.” Did they mean to include K-2SO in that ‘everyone’ calculation?  
  
COHABITATION PRACTICES IN HUMANS. K-2SO needs to do more research—

A knock sounded on the fresher door.

Cassian’s voice called from the other side, “Can we switch? I need to pee.”  
  
Jyn Erso crossed to the door; ducking her head out only to pull back with a frown, “How did you escape my knots? I really worked hard on those knots!”  
  
Cassian held up his freed hands for inspection before moving towards the toilet; pausing to kiss Jyn Erso’s forehead as he passed, “... _SPY_ .” The only explanation Cassian felt required of his miraculous escape act.  
  
When Cassian started to urinate, Jyn Erso wrinkled her nose, “Seriously? You’re going to piss in front of me? All romance is dead?”

Without stopping his bodily function, Cassian teased back, “Wait until I’ve got to fart during a meeting. Romance is officially done! Now you’ll just have to put up with—”  
  
Before K-2SO could comment on this development (and what this could mean for its future human companions arriving from Verty Salzer’s perfect uterus), both informed the droid quickly, “It’s a joke. We’re still together!”  
  
K-2SO moved to follow Jyn Erso from the small space, hearing her taunt as the door closed, “It takes away all the naughty fun for me; knowing you can get out of bondage any old time…”  
  
“But I don’t want to get out,” said Cassian through the door.  
  
K-2SO interrupted this — what ever messed-up romantic idiocy this conversation was amounting towards — to say, “I am leaving. When I return (and I will return within the hour) there better not be any Jyn or Baby-Erso items in my corner. If there is, I will destroy them. And will then seek out the golden protocol droid to find further retribution.”  
  
“Understood, Kay,” called Cassian from the fresher.  
  
Jyn Erso walked K-2SO to the cabin’s door; passing Cassian’s datapad over the threshold to the waiting hands of the droid. “ _This_ needs to go missing first. I’ll keep Cassian busy blowing his mind—”  
  
K-2SO voiced, “I seriously doubt you are as enjoyable of a sexual partner as you like to think you are.”  
  
Jyn glared up at him, “ —BLOWING HIS MIND. Hide the datapad in my cabin. He won’t realize it’s missing for a couple hours, and then will be unable to pinpoint just where _he_ left it. I’ll locate the datapad misplaced in my cabin later tonight; after you and I have gone through everything!”  
  
“Everything,” agreed the droid excitedly.

Jyn asked meekly in a whisper, “I’m not a horrible person for doing this, right? I’m not, like, crazy-girlfriend levels of needy, scheming, irrational harpie?”  
  
K-2SO processed aloud, “I have compiled data to suggest the irrational… … but none of the other characteristics where you are concerned, Jyn Erso.”  
  
Jyn Erso explained herself quietly, “I’m doing this for him.”  
  
“As am I,” replied the security droid. “However, if you do not wish to engage in whatever power-play Cassian has requested, I feel the need to suggest you keep him busy implementing other methods. If domination is not agreeable for your _interests_ , I think Cassian would much prefer behaviors you both find sexually appealing.”  
  
Jyn Erso smirked; winking (in such an awkward nature that it almost appeared… robotic, and poorly programmed at that!). She promised K-2SO, “Like I said before: I am _very_ into it too!”  
  
As the door closed between them (and K-2SO overheard the nauseating squealed laughter of an adult male being tackled again inside his cabin), the droid made note of something truly vital in its MAJOR CASSIAN ANDOR FILES. Cassian Andor _was_ giddy! And the causation could only really be linked to Jyn Erso. 


	19. System Error

Echo Base’s alarm system had been malfunctioning for the past two hours; erupting blaring horns and flashing lights even in the fresher units. The orders were clear: use this system error as practice. Report to stations for fake evacuation processing.

The first drill, Jyn reported to her squadron like a model soldier. She raised a hand in the air when a voice called for, ‘ _Erso, Jyn_ ’. Jyn even re-reported the second time (taking a short pit-stop in the maintenance closet to throw up before returning to the squadron). This time, Jyn raised her hand as ‘ _Derdrix, Flynn_ ’ and gestured for the younger male pilot to just go with it—because, really, roll-call was unnecessary after fifteen whole minutes of reprieve.

Clever boy played along; taking the time to approach her after, “Looking good today, Erso.”

Her throat still burned from puking. Self-conscious, Jyn wiped at her chin to make sure no trail of vomit remained, “ _Okay_.”

“—After the drills end, of course. You and me…” Flynn trailed off as the sirens continued. Jyn couldn’t decide if she knew Derdrix or not. The constant blinking lights didn’t help. There was something about the chin: a dimple there that seemed vaguely familiar. But most flyboys seemed to boast a cleft-chin. Must have been some odd prerequisite for pilots. Can you fly a spacecraft? Can you maneuver through debris? Have a cleft-chinned by chance?

Jyn yelled over the sirens, “WHAT?”

Honestly, she was struggling with hearing anything with the constant ringing in her ears.

“I flew in the Cortex Liberation,” explained Flynn out of nowhere. “Took down seven bombers in the final sweep.”

Jyn nodded that she’d heard that bit; long giving up in following the pilot's train of thought. “Congratulations?”

Flynn was quick to redirect, “Everyone knows what you did.”

“I have become sort of infamous: yes,” Jyn admitted; dreading to know half of what was said about her. So maybe she wasn’t expected to know this man? Maybe this was the first conversation between them; both barely hearing anything and just trying to be polite?

Flynn was screaming now to be heard over the alarms, “So you’d be game? Meet in Observation? Check out the Aurora Noetius? Said to be _amazing_ here on Hoth!”

“Oh!” Jyn caught on with surprise. “You’re hitting on me?”

Flynn swooped in closer with a grin, “Am I that bad at this?”

Jyn shook her head, “Nah— it’s not you. I’m just out of practice.”

“I find that hard to believe,” he attempted to seductively screech over the alarms; wiggling his eyebrows.

Cheeky and fun. Not that Jyn ever had a _type_ , but in the past… this could have gone somewhere. She’d have leaned in closer; licked her lips with interest. Now: Jyn was very aware of how tired she felt. Unavailable an understatement, because flirting back didn’t have to mean anything. Even in a committed relationship, a person could flirt; could play along without hesitation. It wasn’t about Cassian. It wasn’t about her relationship with Cassian. Flirting with a flyboy wouldn’t somehow jeopardize that bond.

But a new problem presented itself: deflecting sexual advances as a not yet showing (and still not publicly known) pregnant woman. Jyn was only just starting to embrace the concept of motherhood; and _being_ someone’s mother.

There had to be a way to suggest ‘ _OUT OF COMMISSION_ ’ without broadcasting to the entire base _‘I’M KNOCKED UP_ !’  
  
Cassian entered the bunker with no-nonsense assurance; approaching the officer reading off the roster of names. Immediately deviating Jyn’s attention to him. _Just him_ . Sagging pants (K-2SO’s new goal to realign Cassian’s testicles called from looser pants again), reading off the officer’s datapad to see who re-reported for the drill. Jyn was sure to stand tall and be seen; to be witnessed (once again) doing the right thing for the Rebellion. It was a waste of time (and she was hungry again), but by Force was she playing along! 

Seeing little alternative, Jyn doubled down. Turning back to the pilot and using her relationship as a scapegoat, “Very flattered, but I’m… involved with someone. We’re mutually… together. Closed. No wiggle-room. Monogamy and all that...”

“Still?” The flyboy pouted prettily. Jyn had to give the man that: a very pretty pout. “That thing with the space pirate is still going on?”

People _still_ believed in Cassian’s space pirate? Jyn fought to keep a mutual face, feeding into the tale because everyone needed their entertainment outlets, “Oh, no! I threw him over for Major Andor a long time ago! Pretty nasty breakup, though. Jerk wouldn’t stop contacting me, harassing me, leaving threatening holos… but Cassian has really become my _rock_.”

Enough melodrama for the masses yet? At any rate, it needed to become more of a known ‘thing’ that she was with Cassian; plant the seed before it became obvious that they were having a kid together. Kriff, she really didn’t want to redirect questions over paternity involving Cassian vs. his space pirate fantasy!

Flynn risked asking, “So Major Andor? Serious? A rebound? Any chance things might fizzle out, and you’d be free for—”

“We’re thinking a Mid-rim wedding when we can take some time off,” Jyn shuddered; uncertain where those words even came from. Maybe feeding into an already outrageous story only cemented an obligation to make everything all the more ludicrous? A Mid-rim wedding wearing white? Retire to a farm? Two sets of twins... Where did this story even end? With matching tattoos on their asses and a hyphenated last name too long for everyday use?

Jyn just kept talking, “We’re both very traditional—” _Not true in the least_ . “ — and have been planning this for a long time.” Because of course they did _not_ !   
  
Flyboy was gawking now, “I am so sorry... had no idea! Force, I feel like a complete heel right now!”

“You didn’t know,” Jyn reminded the man; feeling a tad guilty for her embellishments. “Never hurts to ask.”

He looked physically pained to say, “My parents grew up Mid-rim; beautiful planets! Warm. Lots of flowers and sunshine everywhere… my mum used to talk about their wedding day all the time. Great place to raise kids too, I can tell you that!”

Jyn waved a hand through the air dismissively, “Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves!”

“—Sergeant Erso,” Cassian approached stiff-backed; making the rounds in the chaos of the security malfunction. No datapad in hand to take notes: a first for the man! Hands jittered at his sides. Unsure what exactly they should be doing without their datapad…

The datapad remained hidden in Jyn’s cabin for a later hacking attempt.

“Congratulations Major,” Flynn reached out and shook Cassian’s slack hand animatedly. “Mid-rim is a wonderful place. I’m sure you’ll be very happy!”

“...Thank you,” Cassian stared after the pilot as he walked away; muttering out the corner of his mouth, “Have I been reassigned to the Mid-rim?”

Jyn shrugged casually, “Not that I’ve been told.”

“I don’t want to go to the Mid-rim,” Cassian complained with a low whine.

Jyn repeated, in part, Flynn’s praise, “Supposed to be very lovely. Warm. Lots of flowers. Lots of daylight for leisure-time.” Nice place for children. That should be a topic to interest them both, right?

“I hate warmth and leisure-time,” Cassian said with a grunt. Like that settled all discussion.

“Good that we’re on Hoth right now,” Jyn nudged his arm. “Bitter cold and barely any daylight: this must be your idea of paradise.”

Cassian’s long torso folded over Jyn protectively; nose grazing her cheek as he promised, “Hoth will always be very important to me, Jyn. _Lots_ of memories here.” Then he stood straight as a durasteel beam; scowl in place as he surveyed the bunker’s lacking organization.

“That’s you flirting?” Jyn asked for confirmation. When Cassian grunted again, she praised, “You are, without a doubt, getting _better_ at this. Good job! I’m going to have to try, _really hard_ , not to pinch your butt as you walk away!”

Cassian resisted reaction; mumbling instead, “Have you seen my datapad, Jyn?”

“What? You’ve lost your datapad? That’s very strange,” Jyn wrinkled her nose in case her expression was a dead giveaway. Distort the face, and maybe even Cassian won’t notice the oblivious lie.

Luckily, he was flustered. Looking off to the far side of the bunker and not studying Jyn’s face for any signs of bluff.

Cassian insisted, “I didn’t lose it. It’s just not… anywhere.”

When the sirens and emergency overhead lights stopped, Jyn was almost hopeful, “Everything finally fixed?”

Cassian folded his arms behind back, smirking as he walked away, “If anyone besides us asks: yes. Everything is fixed.”

Jyn called after her lover, “And for me?”

Cassian turned and whispered just for her benefit, “I wouldn’t go too far from your post currently.”

Smug. His grin was far too smug. Like he knew something—some behind the scenes drama— that no one else was privy to; something he’d whisper to her later as they rested on their cot. Cassian turned to smirk at her once more before moving to the next squadron.

The quiet lasted only five minutes this time. Jyn had chanced moving towards mess when the third drill started, and the repetition had grown too familiar to Cabin Checks for Jyn Erso’s sanity.

Grabbing a wrench (and Bodhi’s arm as they passed in a hallway) Jyn marched towards the vacated lower deck.

Bodhi broke the silence with the obvious question, (as Jyn ripped open an electrical panel to break into the main transformer), “What are you planning to do exactly? That the engineers haven’t already tried?”

Jyn lied as she knotted and twisted wires together, “I’ve always had a knack for fixing these sort of problems…”

“Okay...” Bodhi turned to shield Jyn from the hallway with his narrow build. “But, seriously, what are you going to do with the transformer? Rewire? Program a reboot?”

Jyn held up the wrench to twirl it under Bodhi’s nose, “I’m going to smash the thing to bits, and hope that shuts down the alarm system completely!”

Bodhi whistled under his breath, “So a deeply scientific and mechanical method?”

“Better than whatever they’ve been working on for hours,” Jyn argued back; shocking herself as she jerked the wires in frustration.

Bodhi failed to hide Jyn from Han Solo when he turned the corner, “Luke’s gone!”

“Little busy right now,” Jyn waved him away. “Can’t Leia help?”

“Maybe he’s on some Jedi Vision Quest?” Bodhi excitedly offered. “Something us regular lifeforms can’t understand?”

Han deeply thought over this possibility as Jyn bent a wire backward (his forehead creasing at the new sensation it was experiencing). Finally, Han asked the two, “Does the Force somehow prevent dying from the elements? Hypothermia and that kind of stuff?”

“No idea,” Jyn admitted with a huff.

Bodhi surmised, “Probably not. Luke is still, technically, a human. With all the human parts. I think he’d probably fare just as well as any of us outdoors.”

“You’ve got to be kriffin’ kidding me?” Han groaned in anger; running a hand through his hair. “Are the Force Monks… around? The blind one preferably?”

Bodhi shook his head, “Nope. They’re on a mission for Skywalker again. Collecting relics.”

Han swore again under his breath, “Erso, your boy-toy is from an ice planet. Any idea where Andor’s at…?”

“Please refer to Cassian as my ‘boy-toy’ in front of him,” Jyn begged as she worked. “That would be very amusing for me to watch.”

Han stamped a foot in frustration, “I’m being serious here: Luke is in danger! We’ve got to do something!”

“Didn’t they already lower the hangar doors closed for the night?” Bodhi asked quietly. “With all the malfunctioning, they called it early tonight in case we lose electricity in the hangar later on… or so I heard…. around. Couldn’t say who…?”

Han stomped away; displeased in both’s reactions. Jyn assured Bodhi, “Skywalker’s fine. Probably meditating somewhere on base. Trying to avoid Han for a few hours.”

“How could anyone meditate through this?” Bodhi pointed up to the flashing lights and endless noise.

The flashing lights irritated her vision; forcing Jyn to release the hacked wires and shield her eyes as her balance shifted. Knees buckled as she struggled to stay upright.

It didn’t count as fainting if consciousness was maintained the entire time.

Jyn considered it more a lapse in her gravity; slipping to the ground.

Naturally, this couldn’t have occured in private. And Bodhi just had to be there; steadying Jyn’s shaking body at the elbow as he knelt on the floor with her.

“I’ve got my copy of the Rebel Alliance handbook downloaded,” gushed Bodhi excitedly. Maybe he thought badges could be awarded from this experience? “Step one: are your pupils dilated, Jyn?”

“No,” barked Jyn back; shaking in shock. Not like she could see her own pupils! Keeping her eyes closed was much more relaxing at the moment, anyway.

“Have you eaten today?” Bodhi continued to read off his datapad.   
  
Jyn retorted sharply, “Was heading to the mess when these kriffing alarms started up again!”   
  
“That would be a ‘ _no_ ’ then… Have you noticed any problems with your inner ear—” Bodhi started, but Jyn grabbed the datapad from him annoyed.

“—That is not the next line of questioning,” interrupted Jyn scrolling through the handbook. “My balance just feels off. Maybe there’s a problem with the oxygen levels...”

Bodhi stammered, “But I feel great. Wonderful, even.”

Jyn eyes narrowed when she looked up at him, “Marvelous!”

Hustling down the hallway to them, K-2SO inquired, “Why are you both seated on the floor? Is this a game? Do you not realize the bacteria present on… … … the cleaner droids are not sanitizing surfaces properly. I’ve told Cassian, and the Council, of my concerns—”

“I’m fine. Thanks for asking,” Jyn groaned from the floor. “Just enjoying the view. This is exactly what I’d had planned for my—”

Bodhi told K-2SO urgently, “Jyn fainted!”

“I did not faint,” Jyn answered; trying to rise but still lacking strength. “I’m just… dizzy. Give me a moment, and I’ll be fine.”

K-2SO towered over them; gears shifting as it scanned Jyn. “Battle agility levels at an all time low, Jyn Erso. I’m getting Cassian,” declared the metal-head; rushing back in the direction it came.

Jyn settled a hand on Bodhi’s shoulder; begging her friend, “Get me out of here before Kay comes back. This really isn’t a big deal. And that droid is certainly going to try to make it one—”

“ _JYN_ !” Cassian Andor was now bounding down the hallway at full speed.  
  
“If Cassian asks: I was not trying to break into an off-limits area in order to destroy Alliance property,” hissed Jyn to her friend.

Bodhi didn’t answer. There was no time for words before Cassian dropped to his knees in front of them. However, Jyn heard the soft scratch of the wrench being pulled across the floor; disappearing under Bodhi’s boot.

Cassian held up two fingers an inch from her nose, “How many fingers do you see?”

“Good,” Bodhi exclaimed, scrolling through his datapad again. “That is the next line of questioning!”

“ _Twelve_ ,” Jyn replied; swatting Cassian’s hand away.

Bodhi paled now, “That can’t be good!”

“Did Jyn Erso take a blow to the head?” K-2SO paced the hallway; shouting out observations in case the humans missed a key detail. “Cassian did tell me one more blow would render her—”

“Nope,” Bodhi alerted the others. “Just sort of… dropped. Definitely did not faint or anything. I was talking to her the whole time, and Jyn was aware of her surroundings…”

“Jyn, did you eat today?” Cassian asked the question slowly; exaggerating every syllable.

Bodhi answered, “I actually already asked her that. Handbook listed it as the second step—”

Jyn just stared at Cassian; not quite liking the way he was watching her. _His_ eyes could be described as dilated; studying her for labored breathing or some other signs of vulnerability. Jyn jetted her chin upward defiantly; showing no such weaknesses. She was pregnant, not an invalid.

“I’m taking you to medbay,” Cassian rose to his feet; fighting to scoop Jyn upward as she batted his arms away. “There has to be a medic on duty, and we’re running tests.”

Jyn kept resisting; now capable of kicking her legs weakly as Cassian carried her out of the lower deck.

“This is just embarrassing,” she was sure to tell the group.

“Cassian, may I suggest a blow to her head?” K-2SO followed the Major. “Might calm her down a tad while we run tests?”

Cassian turned his head to Bodhi, “Could you run to Control and inform them I’m taking a break? And am not to be disturbed unless the Emperor walks in.”

“Sure thing,” Bodhi saluted with a hop. “I can even bring Jyn something from mess? How about that, Jyn? A little porridge? Some fruit? Pie?”

“Pie sounds so good,” Jyn perked up at the offer. “Maybe see if they’d be willing to add some whipped cream on top?”

Cassian cleared his throat, “Porridge would be great, Bodhi.”

He muttered into Jyn’s ear, “You’ve got to start light and simple with food when sick.”

“I’M NOT SICK,” Jyn pestered back. She called after Bodhi when he left the group, “Bring porridge, but see if you can get something more exciting too? I’m really hungry!”

Once dropped onto a medbay table, Jyn crossed her arms defensively; glaring at Cassian before admitting, “I know we’re trying to communicate like rational adults, so I’m not going to scream or throw a tantrum about this. But just imagine if I carried you through base like an indigent child. How would that make you feel? What would you say to that?”

Cassian was busy inspecting the instruments on a small tray, “Honestly? If you carried me to medbay because I’d fainted? _WOW! Jyn, you are so strong and must really, truly, love me to carry more than twice your body mass like that…_ ”

“I hate medbay,” Jyn slurred uncomfortable; pointedly ignoring the blood pressure cuff Cassian wrapped around her arm.

Cassian started to pump the pressure gauge, “Kind of fascinating, though. All the tools.”

Jyn squinted as Cassian watched the monitor carefully, “Am I missing something? What are you doing?”

“I’ve had basic medical training,” Cassian stated; eyes fixed on the monitor still. “Pity I can’t find my datapad and take notes…”

“—Basic medical training, for fieldwork, does not give you permission to play around with our equipment,” the female medic from before shooed Cassian to the side. Pulling off the cuff and tossing it back on the tray, she instead beamed a small light into Jyn’s eyes. “Droid tells me you fainted.”

“I did not,” Jyn clarified. “I had a moment of dizziness. Which has passed. And now I’m just pissed off!”

“Didn’t come back for the follow-up appointment,” the medic accused; checking pulse now as Jyn panicked. Three pairs of eyes (one pair mechanical) watched her in the small nook.

Jyn shrugged, “I’m here now.” 

“We request a full examination,” K-2SO declared from the doorway. “Run each and every test possible. I would also be interested in any sort of paternity exam, but my research claims it is still too early to identify accurately…”

“I’m the dad,” Cassian spoke up from the sideline; frowning when the medic did not look over at the declaration.

“Droid seems to think it gets more of a say,” the medic teased.

“I have ( _possibly_ ) a vested interest in that embryo,” K-2SO proclaimed.

Cassian, still not liking the conversation, puffed in rapid air, “But I’m the dad!”

“He’s the dad,” Jyn agreed; pointing a finger at Cassian as proof. Yep: the only male humanoid in the room was the father. Shocking, but true!

Looking at Jyn, the young medic asked a final time, “So ‘no’ to a paternity test between the human and droid?”  
  
K-2SO demanded to know, “Just what are your credentials? I need to see documentation immediately, before you continue—”

The medic was skilled; she massaged Jyn’s left hand, seemingly testing circulation when Jyn felt a prick. “Let me finish taking this blood sample and start running the screening, and then you can go through all of my records, droid.”

With a vial of Jyn’s blood, and a frenzied droid begging to know where she’d completed her training, the medic left the nook for her little office.

And the moment the padding of feet disappeared, Cassian was messing with the medical equipment again; dragging the monitor closer to the table. “Roll up your shirt.”

Jyn tugged her shirt up, realizing when something cold and metal was pressed against her belly what Cassian was doing, “You’re running an ultrasound? She just said to leave their equipment—”

The power sources were limited with the alarms going off; power being directed fully only where the base had most need. The ultrasound machine and monitor not listed as ‘ _essential_ ’ at the time, leading to a screen littered with static; fuzzing in and out as Cassian searched the monitor desperately.

“I should have brought you back with me before,” Jyn acknowledged as Cassian’s tongue stuck out from the corner of his mouth… so concentrated on getting a visual of their baby. “I didn’t think... Kriff, a good parent would have requested the image saved, right? Uploaded it to their datapad. Have had everything with a set of eyes looking at a holopic of the first ultrasound.”

“This is enough,” Cassian promised; directing Jyn’s attention to the monitor again. “That’s _it_ ? In the center there?” 

He/She had grown! Jyn nodded confirmation, “That’s our kid—”

Maybe she needed this too? A moment to appreciate the image on the monitor. To fully engage with the little lifeform that’s heart was already beating rapidly… in sync with the lights and alarm system. Oh— wait! That was the lights and static! But their kid was also moving! Just indistinguishable with the technical issues of the day.

The monitor went black. Jyn smacked the machine, rewarded with the image of her uterus flickering back on— now lined with thick black rows running horizontally through the screen and more static than before. Much more static!

Simultaneously, they both hit the monitor a second time. Getting even more errors and lines to search through.

“There,” Jyn pressed her index finger into the screen. “Large bean: looks like something jetting outward now… like a leg, maybe?”

“Or it’s a boy,” Cassian replied; pointing to the top of the monitor… as Jyn’s finger rested on the lower right of the image.

“That’s static, Cassian. Baby is right here!” Jyn looked at the expanding piece and whistled her surprise, “That would be a large baby penis, if that’s a penis.”

Cassian gaped at the image, “I thought we’d have a girl.”

“Why would you think that?” Jyn hadn’t. It was a fifty/fifty shot, regardless.

“When I thought of us raising a child, I just sort of… imagined a little girl,” Cassian explained with a grimace. “Smart as a whip, cute as a button—”

Jyn taunted back, “How are buttons considered _cute_?” She glanced around the monitor again, “Is the image scrambling? I keep seeing the bean shape…”

Cassian nodded agreement, counting off several ‘beans’ in the outlined uterus. “It’s an older model,” he remarked about the machine. “That— the power being rerouted, and the storm starting outside— probably isn’t the best time for looking at baby unscrambled.”

Cassian rubbed Jyn’s bare stomach, pausing to blow into his hand before starting up again. Spreading warmth with his touch, “Cute lil’ bean. Whatever it is.”  

The medic reentered the nook in a deadpan; stopping to turn off the monitor before dryly reporting to the expecting parents, “Babies healthy. Mommy slightly anemic and needs to be keeping up with meals now that nutrients are being diverted elsewhere. Daddy needs to stop playing with equipment not in his jurisdiction. And both of you need to take the droid and leave.”  
  
Jyn gulped; repeating the most important news, “Baby’s healthy?”

The medic nodded, “Your droid is holding my office hostage until it has confirmation I’ve completed all my medical coursework. Which it is not going to get.”

“Kay can get a little—” Cassian trailed off; trying to be thoughtful in his excuse. “... a little willful sometimes.”

Jyn nodded agreement. If the medic was concerned about this, she had no idea how mild K-2SO’s current demands were.

“Why most don’t program a droid with a will of their own,” sneered the medic; glancing down at her datapad. “I am formally requesting you have another medic take over from here. A medic droid might be a nice fit for your family—”

The lights turned off for a couple seconds; blinking on and off before staying on for good. All sirens ceased.

Jyn gripped Cassian’s arm, “All fixed now?”

Three humans paused; waiting to see if the alarm system was going to stay silent for the rest of the night.

Half a minute passed. Then another.

But the lights started flashing again; sirens wailing overhead. And now a voice rang throughout the base; repeating an overwrought plea, “NOT A DRILL. NOT A DRILL. NOT A DRILL. REPORT TO EVACUATION STATIONS. REPEAT: NOT A DRILL. REPORT TO EVACUATION STATIONS.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed a couple details that led to the Battle of Hoth. Moved the timeline up slightly vs. the canon, but everything else is still (relatively) canon. Maybe a couple hours more where the Rebels knew the Empire was coming? Still not going to make a drastic difference in outcome. 
> 
> Coming Soon: the Battle of Hoth in a silly story that can't seem to carry the emotional weight to do the BIG event justice. Can Battle of Hoth be funny? Doubtful... very doubtful.


End file.
